And XJet - Thanks for the article. I printed it out.
Doesn’t explain why the throws one room over from the same manufacturer are not affected. I think I’ll have to go with the poltergeist theory. 
Any chance a different kid did it the second time around? I can remember doing stuff sometimes and “framing” one of my sisters for it in hopes of them getting in trouble. It had nothing to do with anger towards my parents, just basic sibling rivalry.
As for the blankets, my guess is that your culprit doesn’t see how braiding the fringe is “destructive”, despite your obvious annoyance with it. I’m an adult and don’t really see it. The blankets are still intact. They still keep you warm, right? So I’d be careful about reading too much into the act as one of wanton destruction. And if your wife feels like a “failure” because her blankets have matted fringe, well, I don’t think it’s your kid who necessarily needs the counseling. (that’s a joke, kind of)
Get a nanny-cam and bust them red-handed if it’s important to you. But I’d be surprised if you get any kind of cathartic confession revealing some deeply meaningful motive out of your braider. They probably just disagree with the level of importance you placed on the act. Of course, you should be able to expect them to obey direct requests not to do certain things, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to agree with you on the reasoning behind those requests. Good luck!
Maybe it’s just a nervous tick? She could just idly braid the fringe while she’s watching TV. I do think you’re worrying about nothing though. Getting professional help because she braids the blanket fringe?!
Different people care about different things.
My wife has a piece of furniture in the dining room that’s in essence a display case for tea cups and saucers. Now, I certainly understand the potential artistic beauty of these things, but it has always struck me as alightly daft that these particular tea cups and saucers are never to be used for actual tea service. Although they were made for that purpose, they are now objects d’art, and are only to be admired, not drunk from.
I think it’s a silly concept. But I would never go make myself a cup of tea with one, because I know it’s important to her.
Families deserve to be able to expect such acts of tolerance from one another. If Mrs. Dinsdale likes the blankets to remain un-knotted, and the kid is deliberately knotting them, the problem is NOT in how much actual damage is done, or how impaired the blanket’s functionality is.
- Rick
Pepp - you are being intentionally obtuse, no? Or did you just choose to selectively read my posts trying to explain that we had numerous reasons occurring over years that led us to question whether our youngest was entirely a happy child.
At first I was a little bothered that people wished to mischaracterize this as simply a selfish materialistic concern. And I guess folk may not know how hurtful such comments - even if well-intentioned - are to a parent trying to do the best for their kids. But, as I said above, I was the idiot who chose to post this on a public board. And I’ve been around here long enough not to expect kneejerk stroking/enabling.
BTW - wife called Pottery Barn, where we bought them, and the salesperson and the manager both said (convincingly) that they had not had a single complaint over this well-selling product. AsI said, the identical product one room over does not tangle.
Of course that doesn’t prove anything. We’ll really feel like schmucks if this wasn’t a kid. And my wife is laughingly saying she doesn’t know whether our kid needs therapy or she does…
I can’t believe anyone with kids would recommend that a parent simply ignore something like this. But, each parent gets the opportunity to fuck their own kids up as best they can in their own personal way! 
And thanks, Bricker. The respect/tolerance is what we care most about. For example, we would not consider reading the kids’ diaries to see what we could learn.
I’m finding myself identifying with the youngest child, here. It may be that she is the one braiding the fringes, but I think, Dinsdale, that even if that’s the case it DOES NOT signal deeper problems. Or rather, deeper problems may exist (her lack of friendships, for example), but the one doesn’t have to relate to the other. When I was about 10 to 14 years old, I had a slight obsession with patterns. I loved braiding things, and would braid anything braidable that was handy-- grass, fringes of blankets, my hair, other people’s hair (with their consent), etc. I also drew very detailed, intricate mazes on my notepaper, filling entire pages. I drew mazes all over my desk blotter at home. I was also otherwise basically content-- it was just a compulsion to make something orderly out of randomness. It was satisfying and hard to stop once I got going, but I got over it. It signaled nothing.
I was also a child who would not admit fault for something if my parents were clearly, or even likely, upset about something. I just couldn’t bear to deal with the consequences of angering them, even though the consequences were, at their most severe, a grounding. I’d take blame for things I’d done if and only if my parents didn’t seem upset, and I’d let my siblings take the fall for me if it took some heat off me. Again, I grew out of that, and grew into a fully developed sense of right and wrong that doesn’t allow me to deny responsibility for my actions, I think because my parents demonstrated unconditional love and unswervingly ethical conduct. I saw them own up to their mistakes, accept the consequences and move on, and learned I could do it, too, but it took time.
I guess my point is that I understand how hurt you must be by the continued behavior and continued lying, and how frustrating it must be to deal with those things when you don’t know whose at the center of them. But I don’t think they signal any deeper problems than a kid growing up and botching some things along the way.
I’d also like to say that I absolutely disagree that you should get a nanny cam. I think it’s a horrible idea for a lot of reasons, but first and foremost is that a kid betraying your trust should not mean that you then are allowed to betray theirs. Filming children solely for the purposes of spying on them, without their consent, will certainly lead to a loss of their sense of privacy and security in their own homes. If you’re willing to film them secretly in the living room, where else might you be filming them? If I learned that my parents had done something similar, then or now, I would constantly wonder if I was being watched when I was alone. I can’t imagine living with that nagging feeling-- are they recording me watching TV? Going to the fridge? Picking my nose? Yuck. Don’t do it. Find it out through conversation or confession, or give it up. Don’t stoop to spying over this.
Woops, your post wasn’t there when I started writing mine. I am glad you’re big on the respect thing.
Nix the nanny-cam idea. They’ll hate your guts forever.
If the kid has a history of emotional problems, she should see a counselor regardless of the blanket issue.
If this blanket thing makes your wife feel like a failure, she clearly has self-esteem issues that need to be addressed. It wasn’t clear in your post whether or not she felt like a failure because she thinks your daughter may be emotionally wigged out or because the knotty blanket screwed up the ambience, but either way, she’s beating herself up for something she has no control over.
I think Dogzilla may be on to something. To most people in this thread, the blanket issue itself was not deserving of a riot-read. Nor would a kid’s emotional problems be. If you guys flipped over something like this, who knows what REALLY HUGE STUFF your kids are keeping from you out of fear?
That said, it’s hard understanding the mind of a teenager (or tween-ager, as the case may be). I don’t envy your job. It was pure hell for me, but I can say, as a veteran of that war, my 26-year-old son and I are doing great and have the utmost respect for each other. And no one died in the process! Bwahahahahaha! This situation will straighten itself out, one way or another.
Could one of the kids have been bored, so they braided it the first time not knowing it was a big deal?
Then when you became upset about it, didn’t want to own up to it because you were mad?
Perhaps the same kid didn’t even do it the second time. If one of the other siblings knows you think it was the youngest, maybe they did it the second time to get the other kid in trouble.
Let’s just hope the little girl doesn’t have the audacity to use those damn wire coat hangers.
Is she your daughter or step-daughter…do you just like referring to yourself in the 3rd person?
If it is the youngest, maybe you can help channel here energies into something constructive. How about getting her some yarn to make those friendship bracelets out of (maybe noone wears those anymore, but it would still serve the purpose.)
:wally
We have no reason to believe that Dinsdale would abuse his children and every reason to believe that he is trying to be a good father.
I can totally see, at that age, braiding something because I thought it looked cool. And then my parents flipping out about it, and me thinking, For fuck’s sake, they coulda just asked me nicely not to do it! And then me, sulking and angry at being unjustly yelled at, thinking, Fine, if I’m going to get in trouble for something, I at least get to do something wrong, and braiding it again.
Were I you, I’d give up on finding out who’s doing it. Apologize for flipping out at them. Reschedule the ski trip. Then tell them that it does make your life stressful when the blankets are braided like that, and that it makes their mother upset, and that both of you think it’s important that it not be done, and are asking them not to do it. Thank them for putting up with your little foibles like that.
If it happens again, add a chore to the house list: somebody is responsible for unbraiding the throw blankets. If it happens again after that, take the blankets away for awhile. Keep them in y’all’s bedroom, and tell everyone that they need to use their own blankets if they want to watch television with a blanket. Explain to them why you’re doing that.
But don’t flip out about it. Even though it’s a big deal because it signifies disrespect and dishonesty and unhappiness, your kids aren’t going to see it that way. They’re going to see Dad being anal about his damned blankets and yelling at them for something completely trivial instead of talking with them about it respectfully.
At least, that’s how I would’ve seen it at their age.
Daniel
Dinsdale, you may want to look into www.loveandlogic.com/
There are many books, videos, classes, etc… My wife and I have experienced many problems with our children and a lot of it comes down to how we deal with them and how my wife and I deal with the kids differently. We are taking a 6-week class in Love & Logic at our local elementary school for $25.00 a person. We have seen results already. It has helped a lot and we are just starting to put it together.
IAMAParent (for the next 6 months, at least), but if you’re main concern is figuring out why one of your kids is doing something, why are you yelling at them instead of talking to them individually?
Has any kid in the known universe raised his/her hand when an adult screamed “Which one of you did this?” at them? Saying “Did you do this?” privately, and in a voice that implies that there will be no major consequences for answering ‘yes’, is much more likely to get you your answer.
I’m not saying that ‘reading the riot act’ is never appropriate, but if you go to that extreme for something like knots, where do you go when they do something really destructive?
-lv
Good lord. What a mountain out of a molehill.
You’ve got a few options.
1/ Continue to impose punishments on all 3 kids totally out of proportion to the offence.
2/ Provide something to braid or fiddle with. Koosh balls are good for kids to fiddle with.
3/ Remove the damned blankets and buy some without fringing. Bring out the fringed ones when the kids no longer are of an age to braid.
4/ Leave the blankets there and have a bone of contention for everyone to argue over for the next few months. That’s gonna be fun.
Based on your previous threads, you do sound respectful of your children’s privacy, but I’ll say it anyway: don’t buy a damn nanny-cam. I would have been outraged if I thought my parents were spying on me and my siblings that way. Trust and respect would have gone right out the window. I really believe it would have permanently damaged our relationship.
Honestly, this doesn’t sound like a battle worth fighting. Couldn’t you keep the rugs in your bedroom or somewhere else away from the braider?
I braid the fringe on my blanket when I’m watching television. I also knit and make friendship bracelets. I just like doing things with thread while I watch TV. No big deal.
Of course, it is my very own blanket that no on else uses, and our house is very relaxed about things like that.
I do think that cancelling a trip over this is way over-reacting. It’s just a blanket. If it was something expensive or with sentimental value, I would understand. But this is just a blanket from the Pottery Barn.
Just get some fringe-less blankets and remember not to sweat the small stuff.
Here’s a thought coming from another direction, that you may or may not find helpful.
I’m a “fiddling” person. I need my hands to be doing something. At work, if I’m on the phone, I fiddle with the pens on my desk. If I’m in a restaurant, I may, for example, play with the straw wrappers - which absolutely drives my wife crazy. She’ll ask me to stop - and I will - but a few seconds later, I’ll notice I’m doing it anyway, with no conscious volition; the only solution is to put them out of my reach. TV, especially (since it isn’t interactive) sends my hands looking for something to do. It’s not uncommon for me to have a book to read, or a crossword puzzle to do, or a list, or something, while I’m watching TV. Not that it has my attention, but I get antsy unless my hands are occupied.
Where am I leading with this? Consider the possibility that one of your children (possibly, but not necessarily, the one that you suspect) is like this. They are aware that you don’t want the fringe braided. They may even consciously choose not to. But when their attention is elsewhere, their hands start playing with it. It’s possible that one of the children does not even realize that they are the one doing it. (Likely, I don’t know, but possible.) It would certainly explain the repeated behavior and the blank looks from the kids.
Where you would go if that was the case, I’m uncertain. I think the first steps would be figuring out which child it is, and drawing the behavior to their conscious attention. You could see where it goes from there.
It’s not the end of the world that you’ve made the typical parenting mistake of failing to pick your battles wisely. I’ve done it a thousand times with my two and probably will again. You could retrieve the situation easily by sitting down with the wife and offering a sincere apology to the kids, citing “stress” or something. I’m a bit surprised that you seem so outraged about them lying to you, I highly doubt it’s the first time.
Think back to when you were a kid, and remember times when you lied to your parents. Or even when you lied to anyone. Think about what your reasons might have been. (You likely weren’t a psychopath and neither are your children.) Their reason for lying to you will be in there somewhere.
Think about it for awhile, then put yourself in your kid’s shoes and try to see yourself as they see you. Even if one of them is doing it to pull your chain, they probably weren’t at first and are getting some guilty pleasure out of doing it now. It’s called being human, and I doubt they need to see a therapist over it.
Anyhow, here’s another vote for dropping it before you make it any worse, and another vote against the nanny-cam. If you do any such thing, those kids will have a fair justification to never really trust you again…not completely. Remember the keen sense of justice we had as kids of that age? If you choose to go that route, a nanny-cam will expose you as a hateful hypocrite and could backfire on you in any number of unforeseen ways.