When the Revolution Comes, Q Is Up Against the Wall

One is the loneliest number. We all know that. But what is the most useless letter? If we had to pair down the ol’ 26 we know and love, who gets the ax? (Or “axe” if you prefer. It’s OK, we gotta keep “E”.) I figure it’s either “C” or “Q” that’s a goner. I mean, come on! They don’t even show up in their own names! Like “U” and “W”, unless you spell them “yue” and then “double-yew”. Either way, it’s a stretch and pretty stupid. Seeing how “U” is a vowel, the workhorses of the alphabet, it gets a “pass”. “W” also provides us with the vital “wuh” sound, so we need that too.

But “Q”? What do we need “Q” for? Nothing. It’s redundant. It can’t even stand on its own, it needs “U” as a prop. Prissy bastard letter. It takes two letters to justify “Q” and then you could just replace them with, oh let’s see… “KW” and you’re Jake. Who needs “Q”? No one. (Other than Iraq of course. But bump out “Q” and make it Irak. Who’s going to notice?)

Now let’s look at “C”. Not the speed of light, of course. You can’t look at that, it’s a speed after all, even though you need light to see. Unless you’re a bat or dolphin, but still to really see, you need light. Even if you have cool echo-location. But the letter “C”? The chameleon of the alphabet. It either sounds like “S” or “K”. So let’s just use “S” or “K” where needed, huh? It’s a perfect plan! Almost a perfect plan anyway. “K” would be pulling a lot of extra duty, already doing all of its own work, then covering for that namby-pamby “Q” and now we have it covering for “C” too. But “K” is a brawny lad and could handle the added load.

Only… “C” is the chameleon of the alphabet like I said and that might be the reason to keep it around. Chameleon. The “CH”. I guess we could learn to use “KH” instead (or just good old “K” for “kameleon”), but I’m trying for simple here folks. I guess “C” just might slide through. Just for “CH”-s if nothing else.

I’ve got my eye on that slack-ass “X” too. All smug, marking spots on treasure maps and being all mysterious as the variable of choice. But as a working letter? Makes “Q” look like a hardy bon vivant. Just makes me sick, the way it slacks off all the time. I mean really, you make up an alphabet book where every letter has to have a picture to go with it, without “X-ray”, “X” is pretty much sunk. There’s always “xanthene”, but then how many synonyms for yellow do we need floating around?

“Q”, don’t be too comfortable there in your #17 slot. You could can get canned at anytime.

Then I’m gunning for the semi-colon.

No Q-tips? What do I use to clean the gunk out of my ears with, then? Well?

Pas question! Qu’est-ce tu va faire sans cette lettre Citoyen Rue? Quoi faire avec Québec, Qatar, Quezon et Quartz Lake ? C’est une lettre quotidien.

You should never put anything smaller than you elbow in you ear! Ask any doctor! You can even ask Rue and he’ll tell you, being a SuperDad and all!

I hate to admit that I thought this was going to be a geeky Star Trek thread - gah! And I don’t even watch Star Trek!

So, how’s the weather in Cincy??

Hey! My last name starts with a “C”! But I’d like it better with a “K” anyway. But if it were spelled with a “Q”…

Could we maybe add the schwa (ə) to the written alphabet? I mean, we use it all the time, and I like to say “schwa” anyway, so, um, how 'bout it?

[sub]I, too, thought this would be a Star Trek thread, and I, too, do not watch it.[/sub]

I say we get rid of all but one letter. We could have the most efficient alphabet ever. Ffff? ff ffff fffffff? FFFFF!!!

Rue, clearly the letter that needs to go is K. Half of the words that use it, use it silently. It can easily be replaced by a C. You only need one “Keh” sound, and, aside from spelling “Keh” you don’t need a K. You No it is true!

Furthermore, all the C as an SSS sound should be changed to an S. Sease and desist!

I also think G is a very underrated letter. GO G!

Someone’s been spending too much time with the alphabet thread…

And keep your mitts off the semicolons. This will be your only warning.

Ooo… touchy aren’t we Grandfather? Of course all you have going for you now is sitting on the porch yelling at those dang-blamed kids. Hey you! Keep off my lawn! And stop making all that noise! Now just watch your blood pressure, we wouldn’t want anything untoward to happen to you.

Yeah Hugh, that ol’ “G” sure is one swell letter. Maybe we should have a thread just to spotlight the mighty “G”. You go work on that.

Fff fff’ff ffff fffff fffff fffffff. Ffffff ffff ffff, ff’f f ffffff fffff! Ffffff!

Up with the schwa! Up with irkenDoom! And if we push out the “Q” we have plenty of space for this doughty near-letter.

Funny you should ask Snickers. The weather is best described as “eh”. At least the sleet has stopped. We should be back in business by tomorrow. At least, I’m sending Soupo back to school then. Whether it’s open or not.

Mooney, making up your own words really doesn’t further your case in alphabet reform. You should use a better spell checker or something. Maybe get more rest. (And lay off the cheese.)

Use what you always use there samarm. Kyoo-Tips. Or you’re car keys. We don’t want you to go into shock or nuthin’.

(Number of times “Q” was used in this post (non-self-referentially): 0)

Hmmm… maybe that means something.)

Leave the alphabet alone! I already learned where all the letters are on my keyboard, so I don’t wan’t it to go changin’ on me now. Don’t hurt the semicolon either. It sits all nice and comfy under my right pinky. Well, is somebody wants to do something about x that would be okay. I don’t use it much and it’s kinda hard to reach it anyway. But I like q. Q’s easy to reach.

Leave the alphabet alone! I already learned where all the letters are on my keyboard, so I don’t wan’t it to go changin’ on me now. Don’t hurt the semicolon either. It sits all nice and comfy under my right pinky. Well, if somebody wants to do something about x that would be okay. I don’t use it much and it’s kinda hard to reach it anyway. But I like q. Q’s easy to reach.

If yer gonna do anything, get some new hampsters for the board. These old ones are causing double posts.

Rue –

The phone company already got rid of the Q – and the Z too! No colons or semi-colons either!

I’ll bet that you’re really Ma Bell and Rue DeDay is just your screen name.

The Q and the Z are on my phone,along with a couple of new ones, * and #. Looks like the new letters are sneakily infiltrating our alphabet even as we speak.

Forget about all this alphabet stuff. Just replace all the words in our language with fuck. most people do anyway, fuck? So fuck fuck if you fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck?

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Who’s going to tell John De Lancie?

The idea of a metric alphabet has appeal to me. And has (almost) actual existance already. The Hawaiian/Polynesian languages get by nicely with about a metric and a half of letters.

For instance, the state fish of Hawaii is the Humuhumunukunukuapuaa. A nice size word using only 6 letters. It has the added bonus of sounding poetic as it rolls off the tongue.

Mooney252 informed us:

The fact that Q gets a lot of play in French is certainly a point against dropping the letter. But, far as I can tell, all French words are spelled wrong anyway. So it kind of takes some of the pressure off of the necessity for Q.

Listen, Rue.

I don’t care what you do with the regular old Roman Alphabet, Because I’m not the greatest speller. Heck, I have a hard time spelling “enginner” as you can tell from my user-name and 99.9% of my posts.

Just don’t start messing with the numerals. I need numbers, Rue, I really do.

Also, if you could spare the entire Greek alphabet from the axe, I’d appreciate it. I don’t speak the language at all, but I need the letters, okay?

This was just a mild criticism, can I still be yer pal?

And what about all the secret codes on our computers, that enable even dim-witted ASCII types to add letters like þ, õ, and Æ?

New letters. They’re all over the place. Q is only the beginning of the problem.