They are very much a part of the family – it’s so hard to watch them go. The way I handle this decision (and I’ve handled a lot of them) is to put myself in the cat’s position. Would I want to be blind and scared and messing all over the place? I can’t imagine that their brains are so primitive that they don’t realize something is horribly wrong. If it were me, I’d want out. It doesn’t sound like she’s in a position to rally for another round; it will only get worse.
It sounds like time. The main thing is quality of life, as others have said, and it doesn’t sound like she’s happy anymore. Helping her over the bridge is the last kind and loving thing you can do for her.
My big dog Scout is approaching 14, and though she’s on anti-inflammatories for her arthritis, she doesn’t seem to know yet that she’s an old lady – still full of energy. I’d love for her to just go to sleep one day and not wake up, but she’s given us a few close calls already and I dread the day that I suspect lies down the road when I’ll have to make that call.
I’m so sorry, but it sounds like the time is now. I really like the idea of a day spent doing all the things she loves (or as much as she can) and if she can’t do much, just snuggles and treats and tell her how much you love her and all that she’s meant to you.
The last act of kindness is to give her a good death. I urge you to be there for her for that, too, so that the last thing she knows is the touch of your hand, the sound of your voice and the smell of you, her beloved.
Don’t you hate it when people tell you what you already knew?
Thank you all for your kind words and sympathy. It sounds like my thinking parallels yours. I’m not quite ready, but I guess it’s going to be sooner rather than later. I think I’ll call the vet tomorrow and get some guidance there as well. Then I’ll call my sons, talk to my husband and make the call.
My heart goes out to you wonder I wish there was a better way, but it is up to you. In case you have not read it, please read about the Rainbow Bridge.
Please give Echo hugs and some petting from her friends at the SDMB. Tell her to look for Indy near the bridge. He’s the big guy with the floppy ear.
I hear that. I would have kept Amos forever, we loved him so much. It was just time. He knew, we knew, but we knew also that we had given him such a life- such a fantastic life and he did the same for us. I have no regrets about his life or his death. We weren’t ready, but we never would have been, frankly.
Best to you. I’m sorry for how this must feel. I remember it and it’s terribly painful.
I had to put my 15 year old dog to sleep about 3 weeks ago. It hurts like a mother and I’m sorry you have to go through this.
Just a thought, but if she’s not in any real physical discomfort and it’s more the anxiety that’s upsetting her (and you) have you thought about trying an anti-anxiety medication like Clomicalm? If you’re going to speak to your vet, it might be something to ask about.
I’ve got 20 years of zoning code enforcement behind me and I can put at least one fear expressed here to rest - it is not illegal to bury your own pet on your own property. It is also not illegal to bury a family member on your own property. Operating a commercial cemetary is probably prohibited, but not burying your own pet (or loved one).
Of the dogs I’ve put down, and the people I’ve talked to about it, not once have I heard someone say they made the call too early, but I have often heard folks observe that they waited too long. I think this is because people selectively remember the animal’s functioning - remembering the isolated moments the dog appears happy and comfortable in the sun, but not giving as much weight to the many more hours that he was pretty much motionless in the corner.
I love my dog very much, but I’m very careful not to anthropomorphize about their “quality of life,” especially when it comes to assigning human emotions and reactions to things, and self awareness. My suspicion is that when people talk about a dog’s perception of his quality of life, they are actually talking about their personal perception of the pet’s quality of life.
And I’m astounded at the number of people who are willing to tolerate an incontinent pet. Sorry, but that would pretty much be a deal breaker for me. I don’t ask too much of my dogs, but continence is pretty high up there.
Putting a pet down is extremely tough to do. But unless you are terminally ill or extremely aged, it is also something that you pretty much hope you will have to do when you get the pet.
wonder9, one of the very sad responsibilities of having a pet is knowing when it is time to say goodbye.
One of the best and last things we can do for our kitties and puppies is make sure they do not suffer at the end. It sounds like Echo is ready to cross Rainbow Bridge. She gave you a lot of happiness and joy. Do your duty so you don’t have to remember her suffering, but the happiness and joy.
When her anxiety level went through the roof last year, she was on that medication for about 6 months but she was so sluggish and clumsy and uninterested in anything that we discontinued it. She seemed happier after that.
Her balance is off now, her back legs sometimes don’t do what she tells them to, she sometimes eats and sometimes doesn’t. I don’t know how much is physical and how much is mental. But I think it’s a combination of both. I don’t think she’s in any great pain though so there’s a bit of good news.
As an aside, for those of you who have gone through this, did you ever manage to get another companion? Did you decide you just couldn’t go through it again or did you decide you needed to share your home with another critter?
I’ll always have a dog. Like I said, most dogs live 10-15 years. If you are under 50-60 when you get a puppy, you’d better HOPE you outlive your dog.
It may take a little time. You don’t want to disserve your past pet’s memory, shortchange any grieving process, or do the new pet a disservice by comparing him/her to the old one, but in 6 months or a year don’t be too surprised to find yourself looking at the ads in the paper, surfing breeders, planning a trip to the shelter…
Yes, your current dog is “the best dog in the world.” But eventually you will get a new dog and that dog will be “the best dog in the world” for you at that time. Wierd how that works, but it does.
Another wierd thing is you and your circumstances will change incredibly over 20 years or so. So the dog that is TBDITW for you in year 15 of that period may be entirely different than the dog that was TBDITW for you in year 5.
We lost our 15 month-old kitty Sammy to FIP in early June. It was a horrible way to go, and if we’d known that’s what he had, we would not have pursued aggressive treatment. Unfortunately the diagnosis came after he died (apparently it’s not an easy thing to diagnose).
Our vet sent us a very nice card after Sammy died, and mentioned that if and when we were ready for another kitty, he hoped we might consider one of the many that were dumped at his practice. So we took a look and now have a pair of littermates who are just fantastic. No, they are not Sammy but they are our kitties and we are so glad we rescued them.
I know kitties and dogs aren’t the same, but at the end of it all, yes we did decide we needed another critter in our home. It just so happened one had a brother and we couldn’t bring ourselves to separate them.
This house will never be without at least one dog. I wish I could remember the exact words of a quote I once read, something from the point of view of a dog who had gone on, saying something like, you loved me so much, I would want you to share that love with some other dog so they could experience it too. That wording is all wrong – the original was much more eloquent – but the sentiment is there.
Mr. S and I have no kids, so our lives are fairly well wrapped around our dogs. Not to the point of insanity, of course, but a large part of our routine involves taking them outside, making sure they eat properly, lots of snuggle time, etc. We could never do without that for long. After Miss Emily died, we knew we wouldn’t go long without another springer. As it turned out, Phyllis was barely a bun in her mother’s oven on the day Emily died, and we brought her home four months later. I had wondered whether having a puppy would cause me odd feelings about Miss Emily, but all I felt was joy at having someone furry to love again.
The years of pure joy more than make up for the relatively short time of sorrow. And after a while you will be able to remember her with joy again.
(BTW, ALL of our dogs were the picks of the litter. I’m sure the owners of their brothers and sisters feel the same way, but they’re wrong. OURS are the best. :D)
There’s a grieving process, then you decide if you’re ready for another dog. Some elderly people decide, quite rightfully so, not to get another dog after their companion dies…or at least don’t get a puppy.
But there’s something about having another live being in the house that doesn’t demand much more than love and gives so much in return…that doesn’t care what you look like, as long as you have time for a scratch, and will give your face a good slurping no matter what mood you’re in.
It doesn’t take away from Echo. It adds to her memory.
It always is, and it’s something that should be done. Puppies don’t stay puppies long enough. (We have just had ours fixed, and being male I naturally feel his pain. Another duty that has to be done.)
For the senile cats and dogs who are chronically infirm, you have to remember that Nature would sort it out quickly if we didn’t interfere. We don’t let them suffer by starving for a few days the way Nature would - so we owe it to them not to let them suffer for weeks or months instead. It hurts, but our pain goes away too.
I suspect pets will tell you when it’s time. If your dog is confused and anxious on top of being blind and deaf than that has to be a scary way to live. Frankly, if I was blind AND deaf I would be anxious and confused.
It sounds like the act of being left alone is a terrifying event to the dog.
And yes, I’m in the same position. I have a 17 year old cat that is disappearing before my eyes. But she does everything she’s always done and still cleans herself so I’ll keep cleaning up her messes. I suppose she sees the writing on the wall because she wants more lap time.
I don’t envy you.
I had wondered whether having a puppy would cause me odd feelings about Miss Emily, but all I felt was joy at having someone furry to love again.