I’m gonna make a WAG here and say that there’s absolutely no reaction (apart from laughter and highfives from the asshole crowd) when someone makes an insulting remark about someone being fat?
no prob. I snipped it short here, but it was clear to me in the original that the comments that she made to him directly were about his weight, that she meant them in an insulting way, then she got more irritated when he reacted to them. Gee, you make rude personal comments directly to a person and they get all offended and shit. Go figure.
To tell you the truth, Stoid, I’m not all that sure. No one I’ve met here has been petty enough to really mind , or at least make a big deal, being called fat. A lot of the people I know call don’t fool themselves and say they’re fat. They’d be perturbed no doubt, but it’s fairly unlikely they’d take it to the board. We’ve got “no-no” words here, and they’re pretty much any racial or sexual slur you can think of, slut included.
Ah. So it’s the people who are being insulted who are being petty, not the ones doing the insulting. I see. Good to know. :rolleyes:
I’m pretty sure you were typing pretty fast, and I still can’t figure out what this is supposed to mean.
By the way, being called “fat” is not necessarily an insult, it depends on how and why it is said. After all, it is frequently true. But it is rare that an occasion presents itself when it is polite and friendly to refer to a person’s weight for * any * reason. After all, it isn’t as though we fat folk are not aware of our fatitude. Making it a topic of discussion or remark is, at best, discourteous.
stoid
…but better late than never, to give Redboss a 9.9 on the rant. Thoughtful, honest, well-written.
WTG, Oz. 
My original title for this thread was to end with the words “…Dopers I respect most, I descend to their level”.
As I finally pasted the three volume novel into the reply proforma, there wasn’t enough room for the whole title so I left those words out. And now, looking at what I wrote I realise I unintentionally blunted my purpose.
There was an irony intended. It was that I was being as unpleasant as I could to two people who I blamed for saying unpleasant things about people.
So can I say please, I am a bit ashamed of how nastily I wrote. I deliberately didn’t use their names, but I see that this wasn’t really protection enough for those two young women. Although I remain critical of their writings, they just happened to be the ones who said the wrong thing at the wrong time.
So, BBJ and MM, I am sorry that you had to cop the whole bucket, and I hope you can understand that all the insulting and bullying remarks weren’t really reflecting how I perceive you. I have no reason to think you are scrawny or slutty or evil or anything. I also hope you weren’t hurt by what I said. I am usually a lot more positive, I assure you.
I hope you both stay on the Boards and make useful and interesting contributions for a long time.
And to all the folks who spoke up on behalf of sluts, your points are well noted. After all, if I dish it out I have to take it too.
Of course, I still stick to my position.
Fat is a heavily loaded adjective, and in our world scarcely ever just an objective term. If I’m around when people use it in a way that I think is objectionable, I am likely to object.
If you’re going to dish it out, you have to expect to take it.
Thanks for your thoughts folks
Redboss
Yeah, my girlfriend was rushing me to go to dinner with her with that last post. I was trying to say that the overweight people I know here seem to know they’re fat. They don’t tiptoe around it and get totally freaked out if someone mentions it, and I didn’t mean to isinuate that the people who are insulting are pure angels; They aren’t, they’re assholes. But either party putting such a huge emphasis on appearance is petty.
So fat can be used in ways not insulting. I’d like a single instance(not counting friends joshing each other) that calling someone a slut is not insulting.
But I’m guessing their sexual habits come up frequently in conversations, neh?
Whoops, didn’t notice Redboss responded when I previewed. Uh, well just ignore my rambling last post then I guess, mmkay?
I never made the claim that it wasn’t, ( except that I don’t find it all that alarming a term as it is used in my circle) what I said is that it is not equivalent to insulting someone about their fat, BECAUSE (for what, the 20th time?) when Joe Blow insults Suzy Q by calling her a slut, I don’t take it personally, I don’t relate to it, I don’t think it’s about me, and neither does anyone of my personal acquaintance.
When Joe Blow calls Suzy Q (who is fat) a disgusting, sweaty, fat-assed pig, I DO relate to it, I DO take it personally, and I DO think that it is about me because it reflects an attitude about the condition of being fat and the people who suffer from it, and I am one of those people. If Joe Blow thinks it is appropriate to be nasty to Suzy Q about HER weight, why would I think that he would view ME any differently?
KeeeeRipes.
Stoid,
I think the confusion comes from the appearance that you are arguing on both sides of the fence. On one hand, you say that it’s not ok to call someone fat because that is universalized by overweight people everywhere. However, the majority of the evidence(anecdotal though it may be) on this board is that that simply isn’t true. At the same time, you argue that slut is different because you’re a woman and when you hear it you don’t apply it to yourself. that’s good, of course, but ignores that there seem to be a great many women in the world that do. Do you see where I’m coming from here?
cheers
5-HT I understand what people are arguing, I just don’t understand * why. *
Why would I relate when someone calls someone else a slut? Let’s use the example that is the reason for this: Redboss’ OP. Not * only * do I not share any characterisitcs that I am aware of with the women he was bitching out (apart from being female, and slut is usually gender-specific), but here’s a really crucial point: Redboss picked that slur out of his butt, basically. It was an insult that was just a rude thing to say that ** wasn’t based on anything real that he knows about these women. **
That is an aspect of this that no one has mentioned. He didn’t look at BBJ’s sexual habits (or her appearance) and insult her about them by calling her a slut, he just looked for something mean to say to her because he was mad at her, and slut popped to mind. It didn’t really have anything real to do with her.
When an insult is flung at a fat person about their fat, it is an insult based on something very painfully real about that person, and millions of others besides.
Big difference.
In case you hadn’t noticed, not every overweight person takes offense to someone else being called “fat”, either. It is your choice to be offended. Here on the SDMB, I was under the impression that generalizing is a bad thing. Yet you ask us to accept that a) “fat” offends ALL overweight people, and b) slut does not offend anyone except real sluts.
In actuality, what you are saying is that if it offends you it’s bad. If it doesn’t, regardless how anyone else might view it, it’s okey-dokey.
Insults, in and of themselves, are a form of childish behavior, in my opinon. If the intent is to degrade or belittle, it’s wrong.
The idea that “it’s OK to insult them, just don’t insult me” is hypocrisy, pure and simple.
I noticed it, and I didn’t claim that all fat people are offended. But a whole big bunch are, and I am among them.
After all, I don’t think Redboss is fat, and he is offended.
I don’t approve of setting out to insult ** anyone, ** unless you have a damn good reason, but I especially dislike insulting whole groups of people at a time, and fat insults do that.
I don’t see how slut insults do and no one has managed to explain it yet. Where is the group of “slut people” who would take offense?
Gimme a break.
I’m sorry, I can see you really believe in what you’re saying here, but I just don’t see it. You keep saying that fat insults insult all overweight people when it is clear that they don’t. Certainly there are weight-based insults that are intended as a general slam against heavy people, and I would never presume to defend that. However, this thread is based on very specific insults from to specific threads. Try as I might, I cannot fathom how the insults used by the posters in question could be taken as universally applying to all overweight people.(and yes, I personally used to be quite overweight)
When someone asks how I’m doing, I say: “I’m fat and happy.”
Last time around…
So two bald men are standing in front of me. I turn to one and say: “Hey, Chrom Dome, do you have that thing polished professionally, or what? Frankly, I think you look like hell. Damn shame you ain’t got no hair. You must never get laid, huh?”
Two teenage boys with rampant acne are standing in front of me. I turn to one and say: “Wow! What’s it like having a face like a pizza?!”
Now, do you really think that the ONLY persons who should or would be offended are the guys I actually looked at and spoke to, or does it make just a smidge of sense that the other bald guy and the other kid with acne might be just a teensy-weensy bit offended as well?
Or how about this… two women wearing identical outfits. I turn to one and tell her the dress she’s wearing is so ugly I wouldn’t wash my floor with it. But the gal standing next to her, wearing the same dress, shouldn’t think for a moment that I feel the same way about HER dress? Huh?
I mean come on, here, I just really don’t see how you can logically deny this.
Sure, there will be people who are thicker-skinned than others, of course. Hell, there have been insults directed at me personally and quite specifically that haven’t fazed me. But it doesn’t change the fact that the person was being insulting. And insulting ** fat itself, the condition of being fat, the appearance of fat and the effects of being fat **, insults everyone who shares that condition, whether they all let it bother them or not.
ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT??? :mad:
By definition, something can’t be insulting if it doesn’t bother you, can it? Honest question, I’m not trying to be snide.
And I guess Scylla already made my point with his post about not letting childish, jerky people hurt your feelings. Unless it is someone I care about who is deliberately trying to hurt me, it is really no skin off of my (fat) ass.
It probably boils down to the fact that I just have a very hard time relating to those people who are offended by (IMO, petty) things llike this. It just seems like a waste of time to me.
As always, YMMV. In this case, it seems like it most definatley will.
I think it can. There’s two parts: being insulting, and being insulted. Often people can be completely non-insulting in intent, yet it results in others being insulted. And as I said, people have been perfectly dreadful in their attempts to insult me in my time, and i was not emotionally invested enough to be insulted. But that doesn’t mean they weren’t being insulting. (the word “insult” has started to blur into meaninglessness, you know how that happens?)
It is. In my own case, I don’t get that emotionally invested anymore. But it’s a matter of principle and politics, if you will. I have a problem with the way fat people are treated in this country, and the casual way in which being rude to them is accepted, so it’s my own little pet project to speak out against it whereever I see it. That’s usually here.
It’s pretty easy really. When I grew up , if someone said something about your mother you pretty much had to fight him.
After a while, we got out of grade school and the mother insult tactic stopped working.
Whether or not you get offended at something is entirely your choice. It doesn’t happen automatically. You have to make the decision.
In reality, all that really happens when someone makes a comment aboout “fat,” “bald” “acne” or what have you is that they reveal their own juvenility, lack of consideration, poor taste, and the level at which they operate.
It speaks poorly of them.
Really all that you’re in control of is your own actions.
Somebody going around making fat jokes has nothing to do with you unless you choose to let it.
If you do, it’s your own fault, not theirs.
Do you wish to be so transparent and simpleminded that anybody can simply push your button, ruin your day, piss you off automatically with a comment?
What does that say about you?
Does it mean that you operate at that same level? I think it does.
The world is full of jerks who will do as they please. It’s really none of your business, nor your part to change the world.
Is this where I flirt now? 
And man, this thread is so gay!
{GD&R}
Esprix