… you have internet access, but it’s a dial-up connection.
My internet is Dixie Cups on rotten string. Where the fuck am I?
Purgatory. Of course.
“Hello Central, give me {url}.”
When you are in Hell, you have WiFi/cable/Ethernet Internet access but it might as well be dial-up, AOL dial-up to be specific, because Hell’s Internet is based on China’s.
There’s music. It’s 7yr old kids playing Frere Jacque on a plastic recorder.
Accordions. I am sure. Gary Larson convinced at once.
Don Juan’s vision of hell: Where the whiskey bottles all have holes in the bottom, and the women don’t.
(Told by a supervisor in the workplace back in the days when you could get away with saying things like that.)
Heaven is where the police are British,
the chefs Italian,
the mechanics German,
the lovers French,
and it’s all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is where the police are German,
the chefs are British,
the mechanics French,
the lovers Swiss,
and it is all organized by the Italians.
Never give up and never give in.
Hell is other people.
But so is heaven!
For the sake of nostalgia:
Yeah… well… it was pretty heavenly when it was new. And when 1200 gave way to 2400 it was even better. Sometimes the text would write itself faster than you could even read it. Who could need anything so fast you couldn’t even keep up with it?
Where everyone that ever cursed God dwells
And those who curse their fellow man, they go to Heaven?
Where Trump is President forever.
Love it, but in my experience (two decades in Germany) the German police were actually very pleasant to deal with. Things change.
There is another version of that joke:
Heaven is a Chinese wife and an American income.
Hell is … nah, that would be politically incorrect
I am heading to Fiddler’s Green anyway. If we have to settle for Hell’s crappy internet access that just means drunken arguments cannot be settled with an internet search.
Bonus!
Thanks, thanks a lot. Gonna have nightmares for a week now and you made my baby kitty cry!
Just kidding, I don’t own a cat, my SO owns the cat. But I’m sure it would cry at the thought.
In addition to that horrific thought, he rules naked
I’ve never happier than when I was in dialup. Lightning fast, I regularly sniped Ebay bidders on their Win98 waiting for their terabytes of glitz to load. Text only through a freenet on my 386.