The best way to show how much happier you are with your new partner, if you must, is just to be happier. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Well, it ain’t.
Fact is, if you are really happier it will show in your gestures. You will be relaxed and calm and it shouldnt bother you at all to see your ex.
I won’t join in the pike-on but it sure sounds like there are some lingering feelings left over. How long have you two been broken up?
What, no update? That was almost 15 hours ago.
Your conflicting feelings are perfectly natural and understandable. However, you know the right thing to do is be polite at the least, friendly at the most.
I’m assuming your husband know this is your ex?
I’d go for ‘Hi Ex, long time no see, how are you? Let me introduce my husband - Husband, this is Ex.’ They can shake hands and before there’s any awkward silences, you can ask Ex how his business is going. Then ‘well, great to catch up, all the best and see you around!’ and go on your way.
ETA: Oops, didn’t realise my advice was out of date. Hope it went smoothly.
Not have to in the sense that we all have to die or have to pay taxes. Have to in the sense that you have to call your mother on Mother’s Day or have to wave at your neighbors when you see each other taking out the trash. Your have to may vary.
My ex-wife and her mother are both people I care about, who care about me; and we’re all foodies to an extent. It’s only natural that sooner or later, the woman I spent 17+ years of my life with and the woman I’m now in love with and I will all sit around the same table to break bread and get to know each other a little bit. Probably the ex-mother-in-law will come first, though my girlfriend did recently tell me she’s no longer nervous about the whole thing, so we may just have them both over and get it done with.
Nitpick: masseuse is the feminine form. A male massage provider is a masseur.
The tip is expected with a happy ending.
Maybe Serenata67’s ex was there with his hotter, smarter girlfriend/fiance?
Ah- I’m glad your girl is okay with it, but if I were her, you’d have two exes.
Really? I can think of many occasions where my mom, my dad, my step-mom, and my step-mom’s mother have all been in the same room. My grandmother (the ex-MIL) would be there, too, if she were still alive. Sometimes it was big events (graduations, weddings, etc), but other times it’s been something like my niece coming to town and one of my parents having everyone over to see her, etc.
Yeah, I get the whole “family events” thing, where you’d need to be all together with the ex and everything… but I don’t think I could bring myself to go out to dinner with my man, his ex, and his ex’s mother, just for the fun of it. I just wouldn’t be comfortable.
Same here…it is one thing to go to a family event but that struck me as uncomfortable, too. Still, each to his own!
Also, see my earliest post, particularly “my girlfriend’s curious.”
Too many variables, I guess. I’m fairly close with a few exes, and have pretty much a scorched-earth situation with one, and stuff all in between. My best friend is great pals with her ex-husband and is still very close with his family. In that situation, they’re exes because they weren’t good together romantically but are wonderful friends—before, during, and after their marriage.
What do you do when you run into your ex?
My gut reaction is, “Back up and run into her again.”
Sorry I didn’t give an update sooner. We had some flash flooding about 20 min after getting back from the market and I’ve spend the last day and a half trying to get my sump pump to work (well, and going to work).
Anyway, it went okay. I said hello, shook his hand, introduced Mr. Serenata. He got quiet, asked when we got married, and I said January. I asked how his business was going and he said it’s been slowly but surely picking up. I congratulated him and excused myself to get some dinner before it got too late (there’s an amazing taco stand there).
We broke up just about 7 years ago. He was probably my first real, true love. While I don’t have feelings for him anymore, it’s awkward to be around someone you once loved so deeply. We were going to get married, for crying out loud. Then we both started getting cold feet, blaming the other person, and it became a painful mess. I don’t still have feelings for him (in fact, prior to this whole mess, I hadn’t even really thought of him in months). He’s in his mid-thirties and I’m nearing 30. We’ve both grown a bit in our lives, but it doesn’t change the fact that 7 years ago, we really hurt each other and 7 years ago, we loved each other very much.
I’m very happy with my husband. He’s the perfect match for me. He cheers me up when I’m depressed and mellows me out when I’m manic. He lets me teach him “the right way” to do things when my OCD is getting the better of me. He is gentle and understanding that my PCOS is making it hard to have kids (well, that means we get to screw all the time, so I think he’s okay with that one). He loves me despite (and every now and then because of) everything, and I love him despite his flaws.
No way do I think I’d be happier with the ex… I just wanted to make the best of an awkward situation. Thank you everyone who gave advice. That’s what I came here looking for… if I wanted insults and judgment, I could talk to my Grandma…
…but, how were the tacos?
I get this. I do, and I’m glad your run-in went well.
I would even go a step further and say that, even if you did still have feelings for him, it wouldn’t lessen what you have with your husband. I hate this assumption that we have to become a blank slate after a break-up. I still have feelings for old loves of mine. That doesn’t mean we should have stayed together, or that I love my husband less. Feelings can simply mean, “I acknowledge that, once upon a time, you were it for me.” In fact, becoming a blank slate, IMO, cheapens what 2 people did have together.
Concur entirely.
Unless it’s the kind of thing all of you would enjoy, and everyone consents, of course.