Me and college friends were at the cafeteria. Discussion came around to something stupid I did at a party. While defending myself I got a tad worked up (as I am prone to do), and blared out “well, it’s not like I SODOMIZE BABIES” or anything.
The table behind me only heard the capitalized part, and what’s worse is they thought I actually sodomized babies…
Ok, so I wasn’t really being funny in the first place, not like I sodomize babies or anything >_>
Yeah, that happened to me in a restauraunt. We were talking about a deceased friend and I ended up saying (at an uncharacteristically quiet moment) “Yeah, but it’s just not as much fun to make fun of him now that he’s dead.” Luckily my friends agreed.
A Knight, trying to get to the scene of a battle, discovers his horse has gone lame. He stops at an inn, trying desperately to acquire another horse.
Innkeeper: I’m sorry, Milord, we have no horses.
Knight: Have you any ponies?
I: No.
K: Oxen?
I: No.
K: [spots large dog resting in the corner] I’m in such a hurry, I’ll ride HIM!
I: Milord, I wouldn’t send out a knight a dog like this!
i.e. if the weather is terrible, one might say they wouldn’t send out a dog on a night like this.
Heck, I’ve made jokes on this very message board that were hilarious to me but got a neutral or negative response.
Strange you should mention that case…there have been several incidents in this area recently where teens run out into traffic without looking, and get hit by large vehicles. All the ladies at work were moaning about “those poor kids.” My first thought, upon seeing one of the news reports, was “Huh, not much damage to the van! Good for the owner.”
A few years ago, there was a story in the news about a man who died while having sex with a horse.
My immediate response upon hearing this was to say “Pffft, amateur!” Many a coworker avoided me the rest of the day. I thought it was funny…
I got to use that line at the start of a D&D campaign where the impecunious paladin asked my druid if he could use my war dog as a mount. “Oh no, I wouldn’t send a knight out on a dog like this!” 
Almost as good as the interplay between me and a kibitzer when I’m playing Master of Magic:
He: How’s it going?
Me: My wizard’s got no nodes…
He: How does he spell?
Wost one ever was when I was travelling in Vietnam. Met a lovely couple from the US midwest. My gf and I hung out with them for a while, so I relaxed in their presence and stupidly revealed my grotesque sense of humor.
We were discussing date rape, and how awful it was. I agreed, but then responded with a tarrif of my expectations of what activity I would expect depending on the value of the foodstuffs paid for. A fine candlelit dinner with expensive wine, the full monty. A higher class restaurant but part of a chain, a BJ. But if I only took her to McDonald’s, the best I would hope for would just be a feel of one tit - and then the punchline I’d been leading up to: both tits if she supersized the fries.
All I remember after that is the image of two shocked faces, jaws open, eyes wide: :eek: :eek:
My girlfriend was kicking me under the table and told me off later (though she admitted she thought it was funny). They, however, never spoke to me again, though bizarrely I did get a round robin from them one Christmas. Think they must have mixed their address book up with their Little Black Book of Hate.
Scooch up along the seat there a bit, jjimm, there’s room for two on that handcart.
Reminds me of a time I told a very off-colour joke involving a Catholic girl and a contraceptive measure using a biscuit tin to a middle-aged couple from the church I was attending at the time. :smack: :smack: :smack: My gf was easily pissed off, but on that occasion she was 110% justified.
We were on vacation in western Ireland at a conservative golf resort. For two straight days I’d been trying to bring my wife and son to a ‘castle’ as I had promised. We were 3 fore three that the places we had visited were either 1) destroyed beyond recognition/restoration 2) Too far away to drive to and make it back by nightfall 3) Closed for renovations. I had really tried to keep this promise, but it was weighing heavily on me that I had not been able to yet. My son broke the camels back at dinner in the resort dining room by asking me yet again when I was going to take him to a castle like I had promised.
“I promised I’d take you to one and I will. Tomorrow.”
“Are you sure Daddy? Because you said that last night.”
“Look…! I’ll get you into a Castle tomorrow if I have to round up 12 Pissed Off Vikings and a Battering Ram…!”
Conversation stopped instantly at all tables w/i a 3 table radius.
“Check, please…”
Much of my humor involves references to things which very few people seem to get. I will often make a joke and notice that I am surrounded by blank stares, sigh, and make a half hearted explaination.
The first example that comes to mind is the naming system I use for my computers. All of my computers are named on the network after characters from Dostoevsky novels, so when I got my Apple laptop and put it onto my wholy PC network I called it Pavlov Smerdyakov. . . see? 'Cause he was the bastard son? Get it? Yeah, neither does anyone else.
I think that is hilarious!
I told a co-worker the SDMB line about a woman who had 10 children “Someone should tell her it’s a vagina, not a clown car.” He did not get the joke, even after I explained it to him.
I hope you didn’t mention the poLOPonies.
I just had it happen on Sunday at a party.
It was pretty drunk out and my friend R (a guy) and I were up at the bar chatting. Some skank he had been flirting with was standing across from me and commenting once in a while. R and I tease each other about age a lot because he’s going to be 40 this year and I’m 3.5 years younger, and he constantly tells people I’m older than he just to be annoying. So anyway, this lady is yammering about her kids and R had already made a comment to someone else about how I was an old lady so I needed to get back at him. The lady says “Do you have any kids?” and I said to R “Nope, I"m too young to have kids, right R? HAW HAW HAW!”
She looked at me drunk as hell and spat “FUCK YOU!”
Yeah. I went ahead and moved to the more sober part of the party. Yikes! I didn’t even have a chance to explain that it had zero to do with her and I was just trying to throw out a jab at R. Upon reflection, I can see why she was mad, but jeez- I didn’t even have a second to explain myself. In any case, wow- issues much?
The addition of EtoH often makes a slightly misunderstood joke REALLY misunderstood.
Years ago, when I was a video store clerk, a woman and her son of maybe 5 were renting Lady and the Tramp. She handed the kid the video and said “Now Billy, hold on to this tightly, if you drop it it might break and then mommy would be really sad.” The kid replied “Yeah, um, yeah, and, um, when they’re eating the spaghetti? They might choke.”
It was incredibly adorable. It was an Art Linkletter moment. It was a freakin’ Hallmark card.
So a few years later I was at a party and I related my amusing tale to a woman who’d already made a few too many trips to the keg. When I got to the punchline, she got a scandalized look on her face and said “Oh my god! I would of slapped that brat silly! What a fucken little shit! NO kid talks to ME like that!”*
I was stunned.
*Misspellings intentional. You could actually hear them in her voice.
One day we were going through what seemed to be a heatwave. That, probably coupled with the fact that we’d been drinking every night for the past week, meant that quite a few of us were sweating profusely. One of my friends and I made something of a game out of coming up with incredibly inappropriate similes for the situation. Things like “dammit, I’m sweating like a rapist here!” and “I’m sweating like a paedophile in a playground.” We decided not to continue the game within earshot of anybody else.
You are completely right. I mean, it WASN’T a funny joke directed at her, it was an offhanded comment to my friend just picking and she flipped OUT. It was everything I could do not to say “If you drank less and didn’t smoke like a chimmney, you probably wouldn’t look OR feel so damned old!” I didn’t think that would go over any better.
That is hilarious, my coworkers are looking at me strangely for laughing out loud.
Most of the rest of this thread, have been meh, I can see the humour, but not all that funny really.
That though is piss your pants good.
I was in a film class in which my instructor was talking about phallic symbols in the film, twice as she was speaking she used the phrase “I don’t want to get anal about it”. The second time she said it I very quickly shot back with “I really don’t want you to get anal about it.”
One girl in the room absolutely cracked up but the instructor only grinned slightly and nervously moved on. Nobody else in the room laughed.
In my OTC, the humour seems to have no limits as to how dark it can get, but I pushed it too far using my favourite joke that needs a decent set up.
Sitting on the bus for a twelve hour journey, the jokes went from clean to smutty. Then to the dead baby jokes. Then to ‘postmodern’ jokes, and someone came in with some generic Jewish joke about the holocaust.
So I thought I’d go for it, put on my best teary-eyed look and said
“My grandfather was killed at Auschwitz, you knew that man…”
…then my friends turn silent and come out with the “oh god, Harry, I’m so sorry” and start comforting me. At this point I’d realised it had probably gone too far and I shouldn’t carry on, but I thought “I’ve gone this far…” and continued
“yeah…he fell off the watchtower”
My two best friends start pissing themselves laughing, but everyone else scolds and shakes their heads in disapproval and stopped telling jokes. The other day, someone recounted the story as the first time he met me and realised straight away that my sense of humour is a little different.
The Irish are STILL sensitive about that!?