To my Team Leader:
So, I get to work on some new functionality, instead of fixing bugs? That’s great. I don’t mind fixing bugs - in fact, often I quite enjoy it. Relatively small, self-contained issues … easy to understand … people say nice things to you when you finish them … yes, there are some advantages to bug-fixing. But you sure can get bored with them. I’m really looking forward to doing something new.
Oh, what’s that you say? I should start on this work 'when I’ve finished the Priority 1’s ’
When I’ve finished the Priority 1’s.
Tell, you what. Why don’t I just hand this pretty little spec back to you. Because you know what? I’ll tell you a little secret.
I will never finish the Priority 1s.
I will never finish the Priority 1s because the Priority 1s are NOT CAPABLE OF BEING FINISHED. If the Priority 1s, or should I say the SUPPOSED P1s were at all capable of being finished, then at some point in the last year and a half I would have finished them and gone on to the P2s
And you know why that is? It’s because the ONLY thing that stops the support staff from handing out P1s in gay and carefree abandon is when they know that I already have ten of them on my plate. And you, YOU, oh great team leader, are the one who hands them on indiscriminately. Are you going to stop passing them on while I’m on this new stuff? Hmm? Oh, when I ask you directly you say you will. BUT I DON’T BELIEVE A WORD OF IT! Maybe it’s because you postfix this assurance with the words “unless its an important fix”. Ha! And again I say… Ha! Heard THAT one before.
But I’ve managed to do new functionality in the past, you say. What’s the problem now?
The problem is … I do this by actually sorting out which of the P1s are important and which are not. It’s pretty easy, actually. If people start ringing you up and saying “are you done yet” then it’s important to someone. Others, I can SEE are important - and I do them. I’ve been performing this sort of triage since 2001. Between occasionally saying to the support staff “you guys hand out too many P1s. If you DIDN’T hand out so many P1s maybe some of the P2s would get done some day”. That hasn’t done anything so far and I’m not expecting miracles this week.
But now, apparently, I’m not ALLOWED to use the wit that God and my primary school teacher gave me, and actually sort out the important stuff. I have to do them ALL. And you know what that means? I’m probably going to get through four (of the seven) today … and get handed another two. Then the next day I may get through another four … but no doubt an extra five will end up on my plate. Then they’ll accumulate some more over the weekend. I’m not going to make ANY progress on this new stuff, and in two weeks you’re going to take it off me and give it to someone else. Probably just after I’ve finished reading through it and understanding what has to be done.
And at that point, I’m going to beat you to death with a rolled-up copy of the bugs database.