When you're done with that rock, Sysiphus...

The BBQ Pit
1

To my Team Leader:

So, I get to work on some new functionality, instead of fixing bugs? That’s great. I don’t mind fixing bugs - in fact, often I quite enjoy it. Relatively small, self-contained issues … easy to understand … people say nice things to you when you finish them … yes, there are some advantages to bug-fixing. But you sure can get bored with them. I’m really looking forward to doing something new.

Oh, what’s that you say? I should start on this work 'when I’ve finished the Priority 1’s ’

When I’ve finished the Priority 1’s.

Oh fuck.

Tell, you what. Why don’t I just hand this pretty little spec back to you. Because you know what? I’ll tell you a little secret.

I will never finish the Priority 1s.

I will never finish the Priority 1s because the Priority 1s are NOT CAPABLE OF BEING FINISHED. If the Priority 1s, or should I say the SUPPOSED P1s were at all capable of being finished, then at some point in the last year and a half I would have finished them and gone on to the P2s

And you know why that is? It’s because the ONLY thing that stops the support staff from handing out P1s in gay and carefree abandon is when they know that I already have ten of them on my plate. And you, YOU, oh great team leader, are the one who hands them on indiscriminately. Are you going to stop passing them on while I’m on this new stuff? Hmm? Oh, when I ask you directly you say you will. BUT I DON’T BELIEVE A WORD OF IT! Maybe it’s because you postfix this assurance with the words “unless its an important fix”. Ha! And again I say… Ha! Heard THAT one before.

But I’ve managed to do new functionality in the past, you say. What’s the problem now?

The problem is … I do this by actually sorting out which of the P1s are important and which are not. It’s pretty easy, actually. If people start ringing you up and saying “are you done yet” then it’s important to someone. Others, I can SEE are important - and I do them. I’ve been performing this sort of triage since 2001. Between occasionally saying to the support staff “you guys hand out too many P1s. If you DIDN’T hand out so many P1s maybe some of the P2s would get done some day”. That hasn’t done anything so far and I’m not expecting miracles this week.

But now, apparently, I’m not ALLOWED to use the wit that God and my primary school teacher gave me, and actually sort out the important stuff. I have to do them ALL. And you know what that means? I’m probably going to get through four (of the seven) today … and get handed another two. Then the next day I may get through another four … but no doubt an extra five will end up on my plate. Then they’ll accumulate some more over the weekend. I’m not going to make ANY progress on this new stuff, and in two weeks you’re going to take it off me and give it to someone else. Probably just after I’ve finished reading through it and understanding what has to be done.

And at that point, I’m going to beat you to death with a rolled-up copy of the bugs database.

2

But if you beat him to death with a rolled-up copy of the bugs database, you’ll have nothing left to shove up his arse!

Seriously, that sounds like an utter morale buster to me. Maybe you could reclassify some of the '1’s as '2’s if they’re not reproducible or not seen by customers.

Then you should tell him or her that, in order to get to the new stuff, you need to be freed up from fixing bugs so he should stop assigning them to you.

Then you need to beat him or her to death with a rolled-up copy of the users manual (after shoving the bug report up his/her arse).

3

Are you done yet? :dubious:

4

I am guessing you’re a software engineer and Ps are Priority/Problems classified for severity. Who assigns the priority? Tech support and your boss signs off on their assignment? Am I right so far?

I’m not going to take you side here but instead ask what is the difference between a P1 and a P2? Is there not a criterium you could use to define P1 that would reduce the number of P1s?
Seems from the reading to currently be arbritary.

How about doing this. Write up criteria for P1, P2, etc. as a memo to your boss. With full explanation and how it willl save the company in this and that way. Before you send it to your boss you want to make sure it’s feasible so you get marketing’s input. Then in the memo mention the input and copy marketing.

Just a suggestion. Depending on your boss you may alienate him or you may make him look good. Wording of the memo is important and requires a resonable guesstiment of how your boss will react.

Or you could work all weekend to finish all P! and then be there bright and early on Monday working on a half finished functionality. When he tries to give you a P1 explain why he should give it to someone else.

5

I was hoping this was a rant about those lame Red Bull commercials … sigh

6

It’s Sisyphus.

7

Abbott: So, Costello, how are you doing with the Priority 1s? You need to finish with them, you know.
Costello: OK, but what happens when I finish with the Priority 1s? Do I work on the Priority 2s?
Abbott: Well, the Priority 2s become Priority 1s. So, you need to keep working on the Priority 1s.
Costello: Keep working on the Priority 1s?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: So, I never get to work on the Priority 2s.
Abbott: Oh, no, you get to work on them all right.
Costello: When do I work on the Priority 2s?
Abbott: When you’re done with the Priority 1s.
Costello: But you said the Priority 2s turn into Priority 1s, so I never get to work on the Priority 2s.
Abbott: No, Costello, you’re not listening. You get to work on the Priority 2s, when you’re done with the Priority 1s!
Costello: HHmmmmmmmph…you just said I gotta work on the Priority 1s. And when I’m done, there are more Priority 1s, so I’m not done.
Abbott: Now, Costello, you’re getting yourself all confused.
Costello: So, I work on the Priority 1s.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: And I finish them off.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: So I’m done.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: So, what do I work on next?
Abbott: Priority 1s.
Costello: Phhweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

8

What I was going to write about half an hour ago:

"Well, through herculean effort I did actually manage to get through all the stuff yesterday. Venting was good! Venting made me feel better! Venting made me productive!

It has, in fact, been getting a lot better over the last 6 months (partly due to constant whingeing on my part, I must say). And now I’m in a win-win situation … if I don’t get handed a buttload of new issues then I get to do the spiffy new stuff. If I do, then I get to say (sing it with me…) told 'ya so, told 'ya so"

What I am now going to say:

“Oh, fuck, I just got handed a doozy. There go my next two days…”

Oh, and Mockingbird? I’m a geek. I doesn’t need to be able to splel and gramma :smiley: