Uhhhh, I heard the OP joke almost 30 years ago on TV from a ranting C’tian Fundy Irishman named…
Dave Allen.
He told it much better, though.
Uhhhh, I heard the OP joke almost 30 years ago on TV from a ranting C’tian Fundy Irishman named…
Dave Allen.
He told it much better, though.
OK, it’s the 1400s, and the Pope challenges the Rabbi of Rome to a debate.
If the Pope wins, the Jews will either convert or leave Rome, but if the Rabbi
wins, they get to stay safely in Rome without converting.
The Rabbi discusses it with his synagogue and they agree he should accept.
The one rule for the debate is they cannot use words but must use hand gestures. The big day comes and this is what happens.
The Pope waves his arms in a big circle.
The Rabbi points to the palm of his hand.
The Pope holds up three fingers.
The Rabbi holds up one.
The Pope looks worried, motions to his acolytes, and silently
performs the Eucharist.
The Rabbi pulls an apple out of his pocket and takes a bite.
The Pope, looking shocked, collapses in his throne & exclaims “All right! You win!
You can stay!”
The Rabbi, looking shocked, thanks him profusely and returns to his now jubilant synagogue.
The Pope’s attendants rush to him “Holy Father, what just happened?!?!”
The Pope replies, "First, I proclaim- ‘God is everywhere’; the Rabbi points into
his hand to say ‘God is also right here’.
"Then I counter- God has revealed Himself threefold- as Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The Rabbi replies- the Lord our God is One!
"Finally, I celebrate the Eucharist, the re-enacting of our Redemption by the Sacrifice of our Lord and Savior. And the Rabbi takes the Apple- symbol of
the Forbidden Fruit of Eden- and takes a bite, showing that God gives us
free will.
“What could I do? The Rabbi did indeed have me there.”
The Rabbi’s congregants rejoice around him “So, tell us, how did this happen?”
The Rabbi replies "I don’t know! First the Pope says, I want all you Jews outta Rome & I say ‘We’re staying right here’. Then he says, I’ll give you three weeks to convert or leave. I say ‘We won’t surrender even if you give us one year.’
“And then we break for lunch.”
I just wanted to add that I first read this joke in a book of Jewish humor.
What a blast from the past. Dave Allen on a stool drinking and smoking a cigarette, he was almost an Aussie really as he came out here on tour and began his TV career. He used to be here all the time. And he had that missing bit of one finger. A true legend that I had forgotten. God he could tell a joke.
Ministers are “allowed sex” too. I think it’s just a matter of any person being more recognizable by their face.
This is just ridiculous. They’re jokes. Either you like them because they make you laugh (or at least chuckle), or not. There is no ulterior motives behind them.
FriarTed, that’s the funniest semi-religious joke I think I’ve ever seen.
My dad told me the OP joke when I was a teen-ager. He thought priest-rabbi jokes were somewhat intellectual, in that one had to be conversant in two religions not our own (I was raised a Methodist.) Here are two more of my favorites:
A priest and a rabbi, whose houses of worship were across the street from each other, were talking one day and discovered each had need of a bus for various functions, but neither could afford one alone. They talked with their respective congregations and agreed to split the cost of a bus, with the proviso that it was to be utterly ecumenical – nothing on the bus would hint that it belonged to either congregation. Things went swimmingly until one day when the priest brought the bus back from a long weekend retreat and, after everyone had gone home, discovered that one of the parishoners had left her rosary on the bus. He absent-mindedly put it on the dashboard, intending to take it to the rectory with him, but forgot it. The next day, the rabbi went to use the bus, saw the rosary and decided that justice demanded that a Star of David be affixed to dash as well. The following weekend, the priest remembered the rosary, went to get it and found the star stuck to the dash. He grabbed the rosary and left; the following Friday evening, he parked the bus in front of the synagogue and, as the Jewish congregants left, stood in full regalia splashing holy water on the bus and loudly blessing it. Having made his point, he strode off. The next day, feeling contrite and ashamed, he went to apologize to the rabbi and talk things out. The rabbi’s secretary said he had gone to the garage where the mutual bus was parked. Puzzled, the priest went to the garage. He heard sounds of industry coming from under the bus, walked to the back, leaned down – and found the rabbi, busily sawing off two inches of tailpipe.
A priest and a rabbi car-pooled each Wednesdy to an ecumenical meeting in a nearby city and, during the drives, had many long conversations about religion. They became fast friends, and started teasing each other about the quirks of their respective religions. One day the rabbi joked, “You know, your Gospels make it clear that Christians are supposed to proselytize. Why don’t you try to convert me?” The priest took up the challenge, also in light-hearted manner, and they thus passed the hours of their commute week after week. This had gone on some time when one day both men got to laughing so hard the driver lost control of the car and it went off the road, rolling several times, throwing both men clear. Miraculously, neither was badly injured, but as the priest lay there on the ground gathering his wits, he saw the rabbi standing nearby, appearing to cross himself. “I did it!” the priest cried, jumping up. “I actually converted you!” To which the rabbi retorted, “Nonsense, I’m just checking to make sure I still have everything,” then proceeded to touch himself again, naming the items he was checking: “Spectacles, testicles, watch and wallet.”
It was funny until it got deconstructed.
A Jewish man moves into a Catholic neighborhood. Every Friday the Catholics go crazy because, while they’re morosely eating fish, the Jew is outside barbecuing steaks. So the Catholics work on the Jew to convert him. Finally, by threats and pleading, the Catholics succeed.
They take the Jew to a priest who sprinkles holy water on the Jew and intones:
“Born a Jew, raised a Jew . . . now a Catholic.”
The Catholics are ecstatic. No more delicious, but maddening smells every Friday evening. But the next Friday evening, the scent of barbecue wafts through the neighborhood. When the Catholics all rush to the Jew’s house to remind him of his new dietary restriction, they see him standing over the steak.
He is sprinkling water on the meat and saying:
“Born a cow, raised a cow . . . now a fish.”
Yeah, the second one’s a visual; also, you have to be old enough to remember when a well-dressed man carried a pocket watch in his upper vest pocket.