A Priest, a Minister, and a Rabbi...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I love these jokes. I want to find more of them, and where Google fails dopers often provide.

An example:

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi met through an ecumenical radio show in their home town. They went for coffee afterwards, and through the course of conversation they learned that they all shared the same problem: they loved to play poker, but as moral leaders of the community could not be seen gambling, especially since it was illegal in their jurisdiction. They agreed to meet once a week in a rented room to fulfil their secret craving.
They met, they played, and they had a great time. Unfortunately, this was a small town and eventually word got out.

Their congregations began talking to one another and agreed that this was not a proper thing for religious leaders to do. They decided that the right course was to arrange to scare the holy men into ceasing their nefarious activity.

It was decided that the police (actually off duty cops from each of the congregations) would raid the weekly poker game and let the players off with a warning, thus scaring them out of ever doing it again. Sgt. O’Malley, Officer Smith, and Officer Rabinowitz were assigned the duty.

The next time the clergymen met, they were right in the middle of a particularly tense hand of seven card stud when there came a knock at the door.

Father Ryan swept the cards into a drawer and Reverend Jones knocked the chips off the table and kicked them under the bed while Rabbi Goldberg went to answer the door.

When he opened it, the cops pushed their way in. By this time, Father Ryan and Reverend Jones had a bible open and were quietly debating the meaning of a passage.

Sgt. O’Malley had been a cop for a long time, so he wasn’t fooled by the apparently innocent behaviour. “Father Ryan, we’ve had reports about illegal activities here”, he said, “Have you been gambling?”

Father Ryan replied “No, my son, of course not.”

Officer Smith stepped forward. “Reverend Jones, I hate to ask, but have you been gambling?” Reverend Jones put his best offended look on and said “Of course not, I’ve been discussing theology with Father Ryan all evening.”

Officer Rabinowitz locked eyes with Rabbi Goldberg. “And you? Have you been gambling, Rabbi?”

Rabbi Goldberg shrugged and said “With who?”
A much shorter example (aren’t you glad?):

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar, and the bartender says “What is this, some kind of a joke?”.
If you can find them, or make them up, I want to read them.

2

Variation on this: A Southern Baptist fundamentalist, a Unitarian, a Wiccan, and a vehement atheist all signed onto the SDMB, went into Great Debates, and had a peaceful, productive discussion about religion’s role in people’s lives.

Unfortunately, this is a joke, not a report of an actual occurerence.
:wink:

3

Vaguely relating to the OP:

Two old ladies lived across the road from a bordello in a small town in Ireland - being conscientious neighbours, they kept a good watch on the comings and goings across the way and tut-tutted each one.

One day they saw the local Rabbi scurrying up the road wearing dark glasses, and entering the house of ill repute. “'Tis terrible to see a man of religion in such a place” the old ladies sighed. Some time later, the local vicar, his hat pulled low over his eyes sidled up to the door and entered. “Did you see that? A man of the cloth! Such a disgrace.” the ladies muttered to each other. Later that evening, the villiage priest was seen slipping through the shadows and going through the door. There was a long silence until the one old lady said “Sure and one of those young girls must be terrible ill…”

Grim

4

OK, so I may be missing one or the other but you can try these:

An Irish priest and a rabbi have a head-on collision. The priest regains consciousness first and gets out of his car. He pulls the Rabbi out of his car and helps him to the side of the road.
The priest says, ‘Sit still, Rabbi. I’ve got something in my glove compartment that will help ye.’ The priest brings back a bottle of Irish whiskey and tells the Rabbi, ‘Take a good, long drink Rabbi. It will clear your head’.

The Rabbi takes a healthy swig and, looking to thank the priest, exclaims, 'My God Father, you look in terrible shape, too! Aren’t you going to have a drink?

‘Aye, I’ll be having me a drink’, replies the priest, ‘directly after the police file the accident report.’

A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him and there would be a loud ‘THUMP,’ and then he would swerve back on the road.
One day as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitch hiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. He asked the priest, ‘Where are you going, Father?’

‘I’m going to the church 5 miles down the road,’ replied the priest.

‘No problem, Father! I’ll give you a lift. Climb in the truck’. The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.

Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road narrowly missing the lawyer. However, even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud ‘THUD.’

Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn’t see anything, he turned to the priest and said, ‘I’m sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer.’

‘That’s okay,’ replied the priest, ‘I got him with the door!’

Thank you, come again.

5

A priest, a rabbi and a minister go fishing. They’re out on the boat for an hour or so, and they realize they’re out of beer.

“Not a problem,” says the priest. He stands up, steps over the side, and walks across the water to shore, where he gets another six-pack and carries it back to the boat.

Another hour passes and they’re out of bait.

“Not a problem,” says the minister. He stands up, steps over the side, and walks across the water to shore, where he gets some more bait and carries it back to the boat.

Another hour passes and it’s time for lunch.

"Not a problem, says the rabbi. He stands up, steps over the side of the boat…

ENDING # 1: … and plunges into the lake. The priest turns to the minister and says, “Should we have pointed out the stepping stones in the water?”

ENDING # 2: … and plunges into the lake. The priest turns to the minister and says, “Should we have pointed out the stepping stones in the water?” The minister turns to the priest and says, “What stones?”

ENDING # 3: … and the water parts so he can walk to shore.

6

A priest, minister, and rabbi are talking about how they offer up the take from the collection plate to God.

Well, says the priest, I draw a line on the floor, throw all the money into the air, and everything that lands on one side I keep, everything that lands on the other I give to God.

Not bad says the minister. I draw a circle on the ground, throw all the money into the air, and whatever lands inside the circle I keep and whatever lands outside the circle I give to God.

I do something similar, says the rabbi. I take all the money, throw it into the air, and what God catches, he can keep.

7

Heres a few. Hope they serve.

A Priest and a Rabbi were walking up the street discussing religious taboos.The Rabbi was explaining the dietary restrictions. "The pig is a dirty animal, it consumes waste and that leads to disease. Surely the Lord would not allow his people to eat something unhealty. Now please, explain your restriction on women.’
The Priest, used to answering questions of this sort put on his most benign smile.“Women are a physical distraction to serving Jesus. You can see the need for denial in spirituality?”
"Yes,"The Rabbi said “but I’d rather be denied the pork.”

(I think this Rabbi is a trouble Maker)

A Rabbi decides he want to try pork. He figgures his God will understand, not being sure of the reaction from the congregation, he goes to a resturant way across town. After perusing the menu he decides to go all out and whole order baked piglett. The dish arrives, wonderfully brown and crunchy, the traditional apple in it’s mouth. Just then,a couple from Temple appear. They eye the platter suspiously. The Rabbi responds. “I ordered a baked apple. Who knew this is how they’d serve it?”

(or is the Priest?)

Every Sunday, Father John sees Father Ken take $3.50 out of the collection plate. Finaly curiosity get the best of him, so he asks. Father Ken says the money is for a Blow Job. Well, Father John had been insulated by the church and his parents and did not know what a blow job was, but not wanting to sound ignorant, he let the remark pass. Finaly his curiosity got the best of him and he asked a Nun.’ Mother Superior, youy are a wisened woman of the world, and I just a mewling infant. My ignorance is supreme. Will you please explain tyo me.What is a Blow Job?"
Mother Superior replies. “$3.50”

No, I won’t be here all week, but the buffet is good.

8

A variation on TelcontarStorm’s:

A priest and a rabbi are sitting together, sharing a little of the holy wine. The priest says to the rabbi, “Rabbi, tell me the truth. Have you ever been tempted, and, you know, eaten pork?”

The rabbi says, “Yes, once when I was young I was weak, and tasted of the flesh of the swine.” He continued, “Since we’re being honest, Father, tell me. Have you ever given in to the sins of the flesh?”

The priest turns red, and says, “Yes, to be honest, once I did give in to temptation, and slept with a woman.”

The rabbi looks at him for a moment, and then says, “Sure beats the hell out of pork, doesn’t it?”

and …

A priest, a rabbi, and a leprechaun walk into a bar. The leprechaun stops and says, “Crap, I’m in the wrong joke!”

9

Somewhat related:

The dearly departed sees a Y-intersection on the path outside the Pearly Gates. The sign pointing toward the Gates says “To Heaven”. The sign pointing to the other path says “To Discussion of Heaven”. The dearly departed asks a passing angel about the signs, and is told “That one is for the Unitarians.”
A minister decides to take Sunday off and play golf. On the eighteenth green he drives the ball straight into the water. A large fish spits it up onto the fairway, where a rabbit picks it up. A hawk swoops down and grabs the rabbit, and soars high into the heavens. The rabbit drops the ball, which falls to earth, hitting a rock just next to a sand trap, and bounces up onto the green, rolling right into the cup.

Off in the distance an angel says to God, “Wow, what a shot! Why did you do that for a minister playing hookey on a Sunday, of all people?”

God replies, “Think about it. Who can he tell?”

10

Ever hear of a Jehovah’s Witness Unitarian? They knock on your door, and then don’t know what to tell you.

11

Only slightly OT: A priest, a rabbi and a salesman. . .

. . . all appear at the Pearly Gates at the same time. St. Peter says, “We’ve been expecting you and have your accommodations ready.”

First they drop off the salesman at his new home – a large 24-room mansion with fountains in front and a view of the clouds and the mountains.

Next they drop off the priest and the rabbi and they each have one-room cottages on a crowded lane.

First the rabbi complains, “Haven’t I served the Lord faithfully in all of my days on earth?”

Then the priest chimes in, “How can it be that two truthful men are given such low accommodations when a lowly salesman gets a 24-room mansion?”

St. Peter replies, “Well, we get priests, rabbis and ministers by the dozen every week here. But it’s the first time we’ve ever had one of them.”

12

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Minister walk into a bar… you’d think one of em would have seen it!