No, I don’t mean booze, sex, food, travel, shopping, etc., where other human beings go.
I mean where in their philosophy/thought system do they go? People who permit themselves the comfort of God, religion, afterlife fall back on those things when the going gets tough. Even non-theists take comfort in nature, in an all-encompassing, indefinable Oneness. and/or in the notion that there is some meaning somewhere even if we’re not able to see it here and now.
I’ve been reading a book by existentialist psychotherapist Irvin Yalom, Love’s Executioner, and he is a refreshing, if icy cold, drink of water. There’s no padding on his stainless steel view of reality. It’s like sleeping on a nylon tarp on the hard ground. Spare, but honest. Myself, I have a mattress, a memory foam pad, and a featherbed on top of that. And sometimes I still wake in fear.
Existentialism seems like a useful and functional pov for dealing with life’s practical problems. But what about when facing the Big Dark Void (death, in some form or other)? This could be a terminal diagnosis-- yours or a loved one’s-- advanced age when there seems to be nothing left, the apparently deteriorating state of world affairs, especially if your or loved ones are smack in the middle of them… what do existentialists tell themselves when they wake at 3 a.m. in the dark?
I expect a few flippant answers, but I’d like some serious ones, too, please.
What do existentialists tell themselves when they wake at 3 a.m. in the dark? Well, in my case, I think how much I would rather be sleeping. And I guess I think what a good, lucky life I have had up to now, so when it’s gone, it’s gone. And I’m thankful for what has gone on so far.
A few words from an agnostic on this subject. Nature has nothing whatsoever to do with theism, so I don’t know why you say even non-theists take comfort in nature.
How about “At least there’s no God/afterlife to make things even worse”?
Talk about “what do people do without the comfort of believing in God & an afterlife” assumes that the person in question finds that comforting in the first place. Plenty of people don’t; plenty find such ideas unpleasant or in the cases of believers terrifying. Someone who constantly worries that God is punishing them or that they’re going to Hell isn’t being comforted at all. I find the knowledge that my parents no longer exist a lot more comfortable than I would the idea that they are screaming forever in torment.
I wake up at 3 am in the dark all the time. Usually I just roll over and go back to sleep.
On the occasion when I feel the weight of my existence during these moments, I remind myself that everything always seems much more serious and intense at 3 am in the dark…and I’ll be able to see the absurdity of everything in the morning.
Or I think to myself, “These scary feelings are just a part of the journey. They are just growing pains on my way to self-actualization and enlightenment.”
To quote Sartre: “In reality, things will be such as men have decided they shall be. Does that mean that I should abandon myself to quietism? No. First I ought to commit myself and then act my commitment … I should be without illusion and that I should do what I can. For instance, if I ask myself “Will the social ideal as such, ever become a reality?” I cannot tell, I only know that whatever may be in my power to make it so, I shall do; beyond that, I can count upon nothing … the existentialist says that the coward makes himself cowardly, the hero makes himself heroic; and that there is always a possibility for the coward to give up cowardice and for the hero to stop being a hero. What counts is the total commitment…”
Exactly. It’s all part of the price we pay to live in a world that is so incredibly complex that good things and bad things both have to happen. If only good things happened, we wouldn’t have needed to evolve intelligence. We’d be happy sunflowers, nodding in the field.
We live in a world that has given us the opportunity to suffer and to triumph. The triumphs have outnumbered the catastrophes: that’s why we have civilization.
Maybe pride is a sin, but I’m pretty darn proud of the human species (at least at those times I’m not beating my head against the wall in despair at how stupid we are!) We’re the sort of people who can land astronauts on the Moon…and then fire weapons back and forth in Gaza.
We are the gods in this story. We’re writing the story at the same time we’re acting it all out. Adding in a big “absentee landlord” like the Abrahamic God is crappy drama. Who would respect “Romeo and Juliet” if William Shakespeare himself steps out onto the stage at the last bit and changes the ending?
At least the Deists give God the class to stay the hell out of the way.
There is no comfort. Reality is cold and harsh, so you just have to suck it up and soldier on. Or not – no worries about eternal suffering if you check out early is a plus. I’m sure it feels better to believe your earthly pain is just an illusion and one day you’ll be compensated, but I can’t delude myself into thinking random crap is true on the basis of whether I’d LIKE it to be so. Belief is not a choice.
I meant “go” metaphorically. The breathing in/breathing out helps you how? (None of the questions I’m asking are meant to be snarky. I’m sincerely inquiring.) By focusing on the present moment?
What if a someone else’s life hasn’t been so good up to now and looks pretty bleak for the future? What if they have lost loved ones to tragedy such as disaster and war? What if they are suffering from a progressive medical condition that leaves them in constant pain? Perhaps they aren’t grateful to be alive at all.
I meant that people who do not believe in God or in a personal God can still take comfort in nature, EVEN if they don’t believe there is a God behind it all. That’s why I said “even.”
Thank you for that quote. He illustrates my point, so I guess you got my point, too. I’m glad.
I know plenty of people don’t. I was referring only to those that do.
What if you were alone and without family or friends? Like homeless on the street or in prison?
This is a great quote and I believe it addresses the existentialist’s role in and possibly duty to society, given his beliefs. But what about when he is alone in his home and staring into the abyss?
It seems to me that people create religions and philosophical systems (or “discover them,” if that’s your pov-- not gonna get into that at the moment) precisely TO give comfort in times of darkness, pain, disaster, loss, and ultimately at the time of one’s own death. On a bright sunny day when your healthy family is by your side and you have money in the bank, you don’t need the safety net of a belief system. Or, to coin a phrase, “There are no atheists in foxholes.” Existentialists (if I understand correctly, and I may not) eschew the comfort of telling themselves there is a meaning behind everything and things happen for a reason, etc. Do they not need these comforting beliefs like other people seem to? I’m thinking it feels dishonest to them to cling to things that cannot be proved.
I’m inviting further comments: for those who have faced great loss, terror, tragedy, inexplicably evil events… how does existentialism “get you through”
Heading over to Viktor Frankl now.
I have seen and experienced unspeakable levels of suffering. If there is a god, he is either: not all-powerful, sadistic, or working in some very mysterious ways.
The future will come whether you feel comforted or not, so how does one not “get through”?
I think it is the answer – or can be, anyway: Have I given my all for the cause?
Am I doing the best I can? I’m running out of time, I’ve made some mistakes; what can I still do to work for a better world? Will my fellow men carry on after I’m gone? Are they right to count on me now? An existentialist can grapple with those questions at three in the morning, and it can get bleak – or be hopeful, even optimistic.
Many such people experience a dual reality or multi reality - many to the point that this one, the one we all generally recognize, is a ‘minor’ reality, and sort of irreverent, and also if one reality really sucks they can find comfort and hope in the (an)other.
For me, when something has really got me down, I start to compare my life to people who live in war torn third world countries.
As I sit there in my air conditioned house, with my belly full, my truck sitting out in the driveway…Suddenly, whatever is bothering seems rather petty. Not always but sometimes.
Now matter how bad things are, your suffering is a temporary condition. Even if your condition never improves, at some point you will die and cease to exist and that will be an end to all your problems.
It’s only religion that holds the threat of eternal suffering over our heads.
I suppose that existing is better than not existing all other things being equal, and the fact that they are facing the abyss reinforces that they ARE existing, and they can wait for the crisis to pass (and/or exert to mitigate it), either by being merely temporary or by being terminal. Nobody said life has to feel good all the time.
