What are some places, clubs, sports, hobbies, classes or whatever where a lot of lesbians gravitate towards?
I recently came out and seeking fellow lesbians (and bisexual women) for friendships and relationships. I guess mostly friendships for now.
I looked into meetup.org, but it is mostly older lesbians there. There are several lesbian bars in my area and there are straight bars that have lesbian nights, but they are so impersonal. I would find it very awkward to try and make friends in that sort of environment.
Once I do meet these lesbians (the ones I don’t want to date), how do I express that I only want friendship, and that I am not hitting on them?
Is there a university in your area? There’s almost always a women’s center and/or lesbian/bi group. They tend to throw events (dances, book groups, dinners out) as well. Meeting people in this context, it’s understood that you’re not hitting on people. If someone misconstrues you or asks you out and you’re not interested, say “No, thank you,” just as you would in a heterosexual context.
I just graduated from grad school. I’m looking for young lesbians, but not that young. The age range I’m looking for is 22-32. When I was in college and grad school, there were no lesbians in the lgbt group, only guys!
Have you considered looking around on LiveJournal for lesbian groups in your age range? Seems like people that age (my age) aren’t going to specific places (including internet sites) to meet up but they’re just sort of “out there” posting on sites like LJ and then communities arise.
So instead of going to a specific place and agreeing “yes I am interested in this” they just put their selves out there, show who they are and what they’re about and if people come by and read, they are now part of a group.
Seems to me that people “talk” on LJ just like it’s a message board - only the OP is always by the one person.
Another vote for softball here, though I’m not sure what the softball age range is in your town. Even if the women you meet are too old for you, they’ll probably be able to steer you in the right direction.
Where do you live? Do you live in a big city or a small town? I think the best strategy will depend on that. My best friend lives in Chicago and seems to have no shortage of lesbian friends–she also is in a softball league. You could probably go just about anywhere in a place like Chicago and find what you’re looking for.
But if you are from a small town, I would probably start with the internet. I’m afraid I can’t recommend any sites off-hand. There’s one that my high school friends used to frequent and I can’t remember the name… maybe it will come to me later. Livejournal or craigslist would be a good place to start.
Sports leagues do seem like a good place to start. Not just softball, but women’s rugby (if they have it in your town) and to a lesser extent, soccer.
One of my friends is a firefighter and a lesbian, as are most of the women who work for the local fire department, according to her. So you could hang out at the station, hoping to meet some sexy firefighers.
When I was dating a woman who had just gotten out of a 3-year relationship with another woman, we used to go to the university softball games so we could be with her lesbian friends and cheer on their girlfriends. So, I am also voting for sports venues like softball.
Consider hanging out with the older lesbians. I know it can be hard to believe for us sometimes but the generation before ours often has many things to teach us young queers. (Not just about that.)
Also, congratulations on coming out! It’s a big step.
I was going to mention rugby, I’d guess the ratio is about three times the general population (about 1/3, depending on the team’s culture). Also, I hear a lot of the roller derby gals skate with the other team.
What city are you in? My sister has always just met women while doing the things she likes to do, but there are tons of queer rec sports leagues (including rec leagues for the seriously non-sporty) as well as local GLBTQ message boards and (weekly) newspapers that advertise social events and various community groups like lesbian book clubs, professional organizations, choirs/singing groups, faith groups, outdoorsy groups etc.
If you’re in a big enough city, chances are there is a GLBTQ group for one of your interests.
Have you tried myspace? Seems everyone has a profile or two on there, and it’s easy to search for specific sexual orientations within a given geographical limit.
Another vote for rec sports here. Softball, rugby, etc are great but don’t forget pool (billiards), darts and bowling if you aren’t into outdoor activities. These are all great ways to meet lots of people. It’s easier if you play but you could always just go watch.
I also concur with matt_mcl, don’t sell older lesbians short. You/We may not be interested in hooking up but we’ve been where you are…
Acid Lamp I know there is a gay softball league in the Orlando area. I’m going to a tournment there in the middle of January. Here’s the tourney website: http://www.orlando-meltdown.com
I have a friend who’s met almost all of her friends and girlfriends through the dating website Plenty of Fish, either directly or through someone else she’s met there. Apparently it is the meeting website for the lesbian community in Ottawa. I don’t know if that’s true where you live, but this website does have a worldwide clientele.
She’s 26 and is mostly interested in people from their early 20s to early 30s.
