Where does my post go?: A Guide For Newbies:

(posted here, rather than ATMB due to language)

OK Newbies, since this is the pit, I have a few suggestions as to where, exactly, your post can g…no. Strike that. Start over.

OK, not that I’m such an old hand myself, but I remember the shame and anxiety I felt when I tried to decide which forum was the right one for my topic. I’ve since come to a (very general) conclusion that most topics can fit in most forums if phrased properly.

So, the situation: I caught my thumbnail on a piece of cloth and tore half the thing off. Basic fact. Sounds like plain ol’ MPSIMS fodder, right? Not so fast, Sparky.

For example:

Topic: Owie! I hurt myself!
Text: Ow! Ow! Ow! I just caught my thumbnail on a piece of fabric! Tore half of it off. It hurts! Jeez it hurts! etc. I want a Doper-babe to kiss it and make it better. When’s the next doper-fest anyway?

That’s all well and good for a MPSIMS post, but perhaps it doesn’t have the necessary oomph that you want in a post.

We then move on to the Pit version. Note: this is the reason I posted this in the pit. :wink:

Topic: Motherfucking Thumbnails Suck!
Text: Toad-Feltching Goat-Humpers son-of-a-bitch this hurts! I just caught my thumbnail on a piece of cloth and ripped half of the fucking thing off. Fucking Thumbnails! Fuck, I hate them! What kind of assholes design cloth that fingernails can snag so easily on? AaaaaAargh!

We then move on to the IMHO version:

Topic: Dopers! Does anything hurt worse than this?
Text: I just ripped half my thumbnail off and it really, REALLY hurts. As a matter of fact, I can’t think of any non-serious injury that hurts more. Can YOU?

The General Questions version of this is easy:
Topic: What are thumbnails for, anyway?
Text: I mean, do they serve any function? Or are they just there as, evolutionary left-overs like an appendix? I just ripped half of mine off and I can’t see a purpose for it except to cause excruciating pain.

Great Debates could go one of two ways:

Topic: Thumbnails: Proof AGAINST intelligent design
Text: Since no thinking creator would have designed us with thumbnails that hurt this much, I submit that this proves the lack of an intelligent designer. When one considers Gould’s arguments in The Panda’s Thumb…etc

or, you could go with the old standby

Topic: This is Clinton/Bush/Gore/Perot/LaRouche’s Fault!
Text: :rolleyes: On second thought, let’s just skip that one.

Comments On Cecil’s Columns just required using the Search feature
Topic: White Spots under your fingernails? A possible solution:
Text: In this column Cecil discusses the possible causes of white spots under a person’s fingernails. An easy way to cure this would be to simply rip your fingernails off (which I just did). :frowning: No more fingernails means no more white spots.

Be sure to include a link to the original column or Arnold will eviscerate you (if he’s feeling generous, he’ll only maim you :D).

Sadly there has been a marked lack of Thumbnail topics in Staff reports. I suppose you could do a “Why aren’t more members of Cecil’s staff doing columns on the topic of Thumbnails”, but I suspect that Dex would simply have to kill the person who did so. NOT recommended!

Finally, now that I’ve done this message, you could post in ATMB asking the admins if I’m correct or just full of shit.

I hope this helps.



If a moderator does close your thread how many times should you start a new one with the exact same title?

How many different forums should you put it in?

Where do mundane pointless questions go?

Where does “All your base are belong to us?” come from?

How come the moderators are allowed to edit their own posts?
How come a moderator’s post sometimes says “Moderator Hat ON”?
How come Chronos’ posts sometimes say, “Moderator Watch ON”? Doesn’t he have a hat?
How come Manhattan gets to lock people’s threads all the time and there’s nothing they can do about it?
How can I sign up to be a moderator?
How much do the moderators get paid?

Never mind.

I’m sorry to hear about your thumbnail.

What is the third “gry” word?

Why do you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, why don’t humanitarians eat humans?

Are you going to hit me with that big bat you have in your hand?


**If a moderator does close your thread how many times should you start a new one with the exact same title? **
I’m sorry, all questions should be submitted in writing at the end of the tour.

**How many different forums should you put it in? **
I’m a trifle deaf in my left ear. You’ll have to speak up.

**Where do mundane pointless questions go? **
Mundane pointless questions, my dear friend, are 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.

**Where does “All your base are belong to us?” come from? **
“A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men”

Never mind.

Green Bean
Thanks! :slight_smile:

Let me answer your last question first and say “Yes”. Are you sure you want me to continue? :wink:


If a moderator begins a post saying MODERATOR HAT ON and then doesn’t close it saying MODERATOR HAT OFF, does that mean that any consecutive posts are to be considered with the hat on until such time as he posts that he’s taken it off?

If I ever become a moderator, I’m not gonna have some pansy Doctor Seuss Moderator Hat.

I’m gonna get myself a Moderator Gun.

As in:

I’d probably also need a Moderator Baton for lesser offenses, maybe even some Moderator Riot Gas, or a Moderatazer.
I truly don’t know how you guys accomplish anything with just a dorky hat.
“Oh no, look!! It’s Eutchyuss, and he’s wearing HIS HAT!!! AHHHHHH! Run!”

If anyone asked me–and I’m sure I could bribe somebody to do it if I had to–I would opine (yes, opine) that it’s time to do away with the Moderator Hats. Be creative. Be daring. Use a Moderator Jock Strap or a Moderator Bra.

(Or, if the mod in question is in a strange mood, use a Moderator Jock Strap AND a Moderator Bra.)

Which forum would “moderators, have you ever ripped off half your thumbnail putting on or removing your hat?” go?

I could see that as a general question, seeing as how it has a factual answer, yet it is quite mundane and pointless in nature. Still, I believe I am questioning an action of a moderator and thus it would go in the pit. Would the answer change if Cecil wrote about it?

We would prefer that you e-mail us privately about our ripped fingernails.

Thank you.

I have a moderator pin myself. It has no powers but it does look quite snazzy on my coat jacket.

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