Look, I’m a bit appalled by the thread too. But I will continue to participate in it in an attempt to understand why someone would feel the need to be in such a relationship. Let’s not jump on her with both feet until we get more of the story, okay?
I can’t work up enough outrage to participate in this pitting. The lifestyle seems odd, but so do a lot of lifestyles. My personal opinion is that a loveless marriage can be just as potentially damaging to a child’s psyche as the relationship being pitted here, depending on how the parents handle it. -shrug-
Well, my parents were in an honestly and unhappily abusive marriage. Lots of people have families in which the parents behave in this hyper-gendered patriarchal way without a happy, self-conscious aspect to it. Does this bother you more than, say, promise-keepers?
No, by all means, let’s leap blindly to conclusions!
I hate anyone who doesn’t have sex the way I do! My way of expressing love is the only right one! Any sex is bad sex, especially if children have even the slightest chance of hearing it, seeing it, or just being affected by its radioactive waves of moral decay!
:rolleyes: Guestimate: I’m a kinky fucker so, yeah, I’m biased, but you haven’t even waited for the OP to detail the steps she takes to protect her children, and even if you knew, there’d be no way for you to know how effective they are. I don’t guess it matters, tho. You’re going to judge people how you want, regardless. But it’d help your case to be honest, rather than jumping straight on the angle of “what about the childreeeennn!”
The width and breadth of self delusion that is represented in their belief this isn’t bad for their kids pretty much mutes any hope of them seeing anything other than what they want.
Take the word sex out of that first sentence. She very clearly said they keep the sex out of the children’s view, which any good parent does.
You’re not seeing outrage because there really isn’t anything to outraged over. Would you be equally outraged over the polyamorous lifestyles lived by some dopers? How about the doper whose wife is a surrogate mother for a gay couple? Or any of the other many varieties of families and lifestyles lived by the group?
From her description, it does not sound like her or the children are being abused. She desires to live in submission to her spouse and found a spouse that wants the same type of relationship. They have clear and defined boundries and have taken care to not overly expose the kids to the full nature of their relationship. (I can completely understand not wanting the kids to misunderstand the relationship) I’m not seeing anything to be outraged over.
We’re not talking about sex. What concerns some of us is what happens outside the bedroom…for Og’s sake, her husband made her wear a dog collar out in a restaurant and “smacks” her when she gets “mouthy.” Whether or not they are in the situation willingly isn’t the point…it’s the example they’re setting for the kidlets on what constitutes a healthy relationship. What’s “healthy” for her (being submissive in a controlled environment) may translate into her daughter getting in an abusive relationship, because she saw Mommy “slaving away” for Daddy. She admits that her husband “orders her” around in front of the children, and does not say Please and Thank You to her.
I am sorry. I have a severe shortage of outrage these days. I am seeing a doctor for that. He blames it on my various other concerns (health, family, moving, the sad state of the world).
As soon as I get my outrage count back up I will come back to strongly condemn, and reject, some people over the internet that are doing nothing wrong, or that I should care for.
Please be outraged for me too, if you can spare some.
IMHO, it’s not sex that’s the issue, it’s respect. Do you believe it teaches little girls to respect themselves and stand up for their rights if she sees from mom’s example that women are completely subservient to men?
Except for the kinky sex, it sounds pretty much like the relationships my Calvinist ancestors had. And that many in my geographic area still do have. Woman submits to Man and takes his seed, and all that.
And people in this area said things like “Won’t someone think of the children” when couples broke out of this mold, too.
You are right. One thing that is wrong is telling two fully-consenting adults who are in a non-abusive relationship that the way they live is wrong.
Another is wearing a full Windsor knot.
I suppose you have some peer-reviewed research that shows children of parents in a 24/7 TPE D/s relationship are damaged by that relationship. Can you share this research with us?
What worries me most is whether or not the children are equipped to deal with what they DO see. Children are not equipped to understand voluntary submission in this kind of set up. No matter how much you “explain things in an age-appropriate way”, this will affect their psychosocial development.
I have a friend who engaged in this 24/7 collared lifestyle. It’s not the same as the deep religious right and subservient women who do as their husbands tell them “or else”. There’s a deep sexual undertone to everything that is played out, 24/7, in the expectations and punishments doled out, the humiliation and public displays of ownership, and so on. There is no way in hell that those children are not exposed to it. And there’s no way in hell that it’s not affecting the way they see the world around them.
Outrage? Dunno. Concern? Possibly. Stuff a crime procedural screenwriter’s dreams are made of? Absolutely.
