Meh. Much as the behaviour and mindset of those involved sounds whacky in the extreme to me I’m happy to live and let live, if it works for them by all means let them. It sounds like the children are being thought of a lot by both of them, so they’ve covered the only issue I’d have which is that no-one else be hurt in the process.
I’d recommend you save your ire for husbands who dominate and abuse their wives and treat them like slaves without their consent.
I did learn something from that thread, namely that Freekalette is female. For some reason I thought she was a he. I don’t know why.
Why, for heaven’s sake?!
I grew up with parents that can be described, at best, as courteous roommates. Never a disagreement, never an argument, but no signs of affection for each other either. I can believe they never had sex after my lil sis was conceived 24 years ago.
I would much rather my parents professed their affection openly, talked to us about their relationship and genuinely loved each other, even if it also included having their kinks ironed out with a paddle once in a while (with us not present, of course).
Lack of love and affection between parents, however much they love the children, is bound to fuck up with their minds in a worse manner. YMMV of course.
And that was fucked up too. Or are you saying that it was OK? 
It sure ain’t my cup of tea and it gives me the creeps a little bit. I do share some concerns about what the kids are seeing and learning. But outrage? I don’t know. I don’t get any kick from condemning people, and everyone gets warped by their parents in one way or another. 
Yeah, this is what I came back to say. Plenty of families still have that relationship - at least the couple in question are aware of what they are doing and taking the time to talk to their children about. If the children think it’s a bit odd - good for them. Better than the child that grows up in a household where such a relationship is not acknowledged or talked about at all.
What you ask is impossible - no such studies exist. There are, however, plenty of anecdotal accounts available from social workers and child services workers, if you know where to look.
You might also want to consider a child’s cognitive development and ability to tell fantasy (make believe) from reality. Experiences in formative years shape who we are. They also shape how we view relationships between people.
How is a young child being taught about good touch/bad touch, bullying, respect and being polite (saying please and thank you) in kindergarten supposed to reconcile his acquired knowledge with what he’s seeing at home? How do you expect that not to eventually bubble up at school, or in his relationships with his peers?
Remember, if I mistake not, this is relatively new switch to full time slavedom for our IMHO poster. It will be interesting to see how her youngest fares, in the long run.
(For the record – I’m not saying that the deeply religious nutcases are better off… their kids often face the same issues later on.)
Did they treat each other with respect? Yes? I feel like I’ve pointed this out a couple of times now already: in my mind, it’s not about love, affection, or sex. It’s about respect. And yes, I feel sad for kids who grow up watching their father treat their mother on a day to day basis with no consideration, manners or respect. I think it teaches girls to be subservient and boys to expect subservience. That doesn’t make you a bit sad?
That’s what gives me pause about it.
But is Guestimate really telling us we aren’t outraged enough? Did you miss all the polite but sharp expressions of disapproval in the other thread, friend?
That too, but in a luscious, creamy, meat-butter sort of way…
Wait, what were we talking about again?
Don’t know if that’s true. Unfortunately, we were talking about a relationship that is, in fact, abusive, so your post has nothing to do with the discussion.
Sure.
http://www.casanet.org/Library/domestic-abuse/risks-remedies.htm
http://www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm
http://content.apa.org/journals/epp/12/1/45
http://www.stopvaw.org/Effects_of_Domestic_Violence_on_Children.html
http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:gsRltddkj44J:www.ncea.aoa.gov/NCEAroot/Main_Site/pdf/research/relations.pdf+studies+domestic+abuse+children&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=28&gl=us
Regards,
Shodan
Be as sad as you like, but anecdotal evidence I’ve collected over the last eight years suggests that there are a sizeable minority who think it’s just fine.
Incidentally, another poster weighed in with her own relationship with a “boy” that’s basically the same but the other way round, and no-one’s piped up with a condemnatory word for that one. Makes you :dubious: , doesn’t it?
My only concern would be the kids learning that man as master and woman as slave was normal, and would go out into the world thinking that, but that has been addressed, I believe, and beyond that, what two consenting adults do is their business. It’s not my cup of tea, but if it’s floating their boats, it’s not my concern.
ETA: To address the abuse issue, it sounds like the woman is a willing participant in it, not an unwilling victim. That makes a whole world of difference.
Missed the edit window, cut and paste:
ETA: You’ve probably noticed that my thoughts tend towards the effect this relationship possibly has on daughters. Its because I’m coming to this from the perspective of a young women who struggles with self-esteem and assertiveness despite having parents who didn’t model female subservience. I think learning it at home adds a huge obstacle in the already difficult path many girls travel towards independence and self-respect. And by and large, the culture we live in expects that women be able to advocate for themselves. I can only see her daughter(s) gravitating towards abusive relationships themselves with such a model at home.
Please. Your cites about domestic violence, and therefore do not apply to the relationship being discussed here.
I am not an expert. I will, however, wager, that if the kids are being raised to be well adjusted, tolerant people, they will not begin an OP condemning people who are doing things that they just think is WRONG.
Get over yourself. It’s none of your business. If you don’t like it, don’t read the thread and keep it to yourself. Shutting down a person who is willing to answer questions about their particular lifestyle in an open forum is the antithesis of fighting ignorance…which you seem to have an abundance of. Go crusade against someone that’s ACTIVELY fucking things up in the world. You’ll get more out of it.
Yes they did ‘respect’ each other (as in they are courteous). It still fucked me up. This is supposed to be a family, not a coworker-type relationship.
I would have rather grown in a loving, if unconventional relationship than an unloving but ‘respectful’ relationship. Again, YMMV.
Well, my answer to why I feel sad for the kids is because, while freekalette and her husband have chosen this lifestyle, the kids do not have a choice in it at all.
And, while I do agree that there are other situations which are bound to fuck kids up, I don’t really understand why we have to argue which ones are worse. Fucked up is fucked up, you know?
Not really. She didn’t mention having children, and I assumed that ‘boy’ meant adult. I don’t care what consenting adults do with one another; I care when children are involved. So basically, that generally sarcastic cliched phrase sums up my opinion of the matter: won’t someone think of the children? The home their parents (/guardians) make is their only option. They can’t choose and consent.
It’s selfish to continue this with kids involved. If you want to live a lifestyle so far out of the mainstream either get it out of your system before you have kids or don’t reproduce. Weird things make kids’ lives difficult. Sometimes it’s worth it (marrying outside of your race, for example), and sometimes it’s not (smacking your wife when she gets mouthy.)
What’s going to happen when the kids have a friend over and the friend reports back to his or her parents on the lifestyle? Now your kid has lost a friend because of your sexual fetish. That’s not gonna go over well. Not in the short term and not in the long term.