Just wanted to say I think this is an excellent point.
Apparently, and quite sadly, she believes that fights are appropriate ways of dealing with normal human events. I grew up in an environment like that, and it’s taking a lot to work to overcome some of my base reactions.
The thoughts and actions in the household scare me.
I got that from a Discovery Channel documentary on comics, where they interviewed one of Marston’s kids about his father, and he talked about what a wonderful home life he had. I figured if things had been strange he’d have said something along the lines of: “Mom always had to wear a ballgag around the house, and she ate from a dog dish on the floor, and I never could figure out what she’d done wrong.”
I meant that the fact that the spiked collar was sold at a fashion retailer, it was a fashion. If it was a dead giveaway of BDSM, it would only be available at kink retailers, like ballgag head harnesses.
You know what, fuck you. I don’t HAVE to understand anything about your “lifestyle” to please you. I understand perfectly well and I think all of this shit is, as you say, fucked up.
I’ve been asking this question a lot in this thread and no one seems to want to answer it: Why is it so upsetting to some people that I (and others) don’t think this is cool? Can you not understand how some people would not be comfortable with a person describing themselves as a “slave” their husband. Talking about being disrespected in front of their children by a man who was a virtual stranger a few years before? Talking about how she’s a bitch, he is in the right to “punish” her? Talking about him humiliating her by making her wear fetish gear in publish? Talking about how he keeps a little book detailing all her rights and wrongs?
You can’t understand how some people would find that fucked up? If there were no chilldren and he wasn’t making her do this in public (when she has said, she doesn’t really want to), I wouldn’t give a flying fuck. Because when you keep it behind closed doors it’s no one’s business but your own. But when you bring it out into the public, I am allowed to be disgusted.
And for the record, I believe marijuana and prostitution should both be legalized even though I have no desire to indulge in either. I’m sorry if that shatters your cariciture of me as a “conservative with no sense of justice.”
Don’t you know everybody has to be accepting of everything, no matter how fucked up the situation appears?
:dubious:
These threads embody everything I love about the SDMB.
Learning new things, especially things I know nothing about.
AND
people going batshit crazy about other people’s choices
Good times, good times.
(but can you please stop it now - some of us have work to do and it’s difficult keeping up)
I’m late to this party!
I’ve read all the posts, and I find myself agreeing with just about every poster and every argument raised, to a greater or lesser extent. Only one thing still concerns me:
In a 24/7 D/s relationship it seems to me that the relationship is paramount and is all about the couple. Negotiating agreements and compromising on behaviours and meeting mutual needs is the absolute focus of the their interaction, and I do wonder where the energy and space can be found to accomodate kids in this scenario. If your sole self-professed goal is to meet the sexual and psycho-social needs of your partner 24/7, how can you also claim to be addressing the needs of your children in any meaningful way apart from feeding and clothing them perhaps?
Disregarding the negative long-term impact on the children of the role-choices of the parents for a minute, if mum and dad are in a perpetual game-playing mode how do the kids get to learn the differences between fantasy and real-life? How is their relationship with the parents then affected by the roles they have taken on: are the kids playing the game along with them?
It’s not enough to tell kids that ‘your’ lifestyle choice is OK for you but might be different from the rest of the civilised world. Kids crave conformity: freak parents who live a life manifestly different to the rest of the community breed kids who end up with massive chips on their shoulders that are mighty hard to shrug off. Mum being verbally dissed and physically manhandled constrasts starkly with the message the kids are getting at school whereby abuse is NEVER OK and should be reported etc. And yet they are reassured at home that everything’s cool?? Way to create a massively confused kid IMHO.
Yet, I agree with the credo that what you do in your own bedroom/house is your own fucking business. I agree that what many previously thought as ‘mental illnesses’ are just indeed inherent differences in our psychological and physical makeup. I agree that just about anything goes….if it doesn’t impact on anyone else.
But when you are bringing up a bunch of kids you must temper your needs and lifestyle to their needs. You don’t fuck on the kitchen table in front of them, you don’t make them go to school naked if you’re a naturist, and you DON’T live a 24/7 D/s lifestyle that must invariably include them in the sordid game.
Seriously Freekalette, grow the hell up. It’s not about satisfying weird kinks for you, it’s about absolving yourself from the responsibilities of adulthood. Time to get some therapy and start growing as a person.
raises hand My boyfriend and I don’t have mental health issues.
You’ve got to admit you’re weird, though.
But that’s the thing - there HADN’T been an argument at that point. We don’t argue in front of the kids, although at that point we both WANTED to argue because I was being annoying. (For those who give a shit, I was chanting the word “taco” repeatedly, even after he told me to stop.) Now if you’re doing something your SO hates, and he’s asked/told you not to do it again, and you continue to do it, do you expect them to be HAPPY with you and bring you fucking roses or something? If so, then maybe I really am fucked up in the head, and perhaps I don’t understand what a relationship should be. I just don’t see the problem with holding off on the resolution of things until the kids are gone/asleep.
As to the other points, I’ll be back to comment after Joe and I watch the Riches.
OK, now I’m starting to think you’re pulling our legs…
I swear to you, it was TACO. It’s an ongoing joke that’s no longer funny, and has devolved to the point that it makes him mad to hear it.
This is sounding more and more childish as the explanations continue.
I’d hazard a guess that just about any romantic/sexual/marital relationship subjected to minute scrutiny would appear so. I suppose a relationship that was perfectly adult and sane and whatnot might be after all passion has died off and it more closely resembles a cordial business relationship.
I’d feel more sympathy for the judgemental scolds in this thread if I thought they were really motivated by a concern for freekalette’s well being or the well being of her children, and not merely getting their daily fix of internet rage-ahol, courtesy of someone who was fool enough to post about her personal foibles.
For those of you who think she’s just seeking attention, why are you even posting then?
“I hate you for attention seeking! And now to pay attention to you.”
My WAG is, immaturity (on freekalette’s part, at least) and defensiveness. It’s still true that for a lot of people, any sexual kinks are shameful, so anyone who can identify in some part with unconventional sexual desires sees criticism as an attack, because they so often do have to defend themselves. Does that make sense?
I wrote a much better post on this in the pregnant mid-transition male to female transexual thread. It was never commented on so I don’t if I’m just talking out of my ass, but if anyone’s interested I can do dig it up and post a link.
No, just that when kids are involved, the parent’s focus should be on being a parent when they’re around, not on being a lover. 24/7 role-playing doesn’t fit in with that because her focus is on having a playful relationship with her husband, not on having a mature maternal relationship with her kids. It’s immature and selfish, and it’s a concern when any parent is immature and selfish, regardless of why and how exactly they behave that way. You could say the exact same thing about a completely normal, ‘vanilla’ relationship.
Well, unless you have a handy-dandy formula in mind that can quantify that “should”, I’d say freek and spouse can and should behave at their own discretion. I don’t know that any of the kids are being damaged by what’s going on and I’m dismissive of those who claim they must be getting damaged because it makes sense for them to be getting damaged, gosh-darn it!
Got any reports of juvenile delinquency of any of the kids?
It makes perfect sense, I’m really just waiting on some of the self-proclaimed “freaks” in this thread to admit that’s why they’re flying off the handle at us “vanilla” folk.