Someone wrote about “sucking cumquats” the other day and was quickly corrected by another Doper who has just as filthy a mind as me. 
[QUOTE=Lord Ashtar]
It’s sometimes spelled differently for clarity’s sake.
“I decided to come over to your house so you and I could make each other cum.”
See?
[/QUOTE]
holy crap Ashtar, I dont know why exactly but this jus made me laugh my ass off. Thank you for that.
[QUOTE=BayleDomon]
All I know is that I can’t read magna-cum-laude without giggling any more.
[/QUOTE]
I shit you not, there’s a village near me called Horton cum Studley.
Porn name!
[QUOTE=lieu]
See Dick cum.
Cum Dick, cum.
Dick cummeded all over the fucking place.
[/QUOTE]
Wait, I thought that was Goofus.
[QUOTE=jjimm]
I shit you not, there’s a village near me called Horton cum Studley.
Porn name!
[/QUOTE]
Dr Seuss Porn!
I’ll let someone else supply the doggerel.
Pax vobiscum
How about if we just use “jism” and “jizzed” instead?
[QUOTE=Polycarp]
The “mis”-spelling is always (other than in chatroom usage, which is an entirely separate rant) used to reference orgasm or ejaculate, clarifying the distinction it is sometimes necessary to draw whether sexual innuendo is intended or not.
[/QUOTE]
On a tangential note, i recently found out (from reading The Register) that the Wikipedia entry for “ejaculation” comes (or cums) complete with Wiki-user-supplied images and video. I won’t link to the actual entry, as it’s NSFW.
There are some dictionary entries that don’t need illustration, and this is probably one of them. Yecch.
[QUOTE=jebert]
So, Dopers, let’s not perpetuate this bastardization; discontinue the use of “cum” and replace it with “come”. We can do this!!
[/QUOTE]
Your stance on this issue gets my vote for the next presidency.
Is not the past tense usage of the word “came,” even in the sexual sense?
[QUOTE=Freddy the Pig]
How about if we just use “jism” and “jizzed” instead?
[/QUOTE]
Someone will inevitably come along and change the spelling to “Chisum.”
[QUOTE=mhendo]
On a tangential note, i recently found out (from reading The Register) that the Wikipedia entry for “ejaculation” comes (or cums) complete with Wiki-user-supplied images and video. I won’t link to the actual entry, as it’s NSFW.
There are some dictionary entries that don’t need illustration, and this is probably one of them. Yecch.
[/QUOTE]
Really? That’s interesting. I think I need to wander over to Wikipedia to research the etymology of fellatio. :o :eek: 
[QUOTE=Antigen]
Why is there confusion? The context usually makes it pretty clear. If it’s not clear to you, I’ll definitely never invite you to come for dinner. Ever.
[/QUOTE]
Which is “dirty”?
-
Hey baby. I want you to come before dinner.
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I want to come after you.
-
Did you come in your car?
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My wife likes to come at the same time I do.
In this context? All of them!
I heartily chime in on the hatred of “cum” as an alternative spelling.
As far as “cumbucket,” etc., I go with the hyphenate: come-bucket, come-guzzler, come-rag, come-stain, come-bubble, Johnny-come-lately, … wait, no, that’s something else.
As it is a bit of a crude term, I can happily say my exposure to it over the years has benn blessedly infrequent. In fact, the only instance I can really remember is when a college buddy reported to me what an “oral guest” had said to him after the act… “You cum tons.” For some reason this really cracked him up and the quote became a catchphrase of his for months afterwards. I guess he’d expected maybe a “Hey, that was great” or “Lets do that again” or something, but instead he got a “You cum tons.”
[QUOTE=Hamadryad]
I heartily chime in on the hatred of “cum” as an alternative spelling.
As far as “cumbucket,” etc., I go with the hyphenate: come-bucket, come-guzzler, come-rag, come-stain, come-bubble, Johnny-come-lately, … wait, no, that’s something else.
[/QUOTE]
come-dumpster is a good one.
Every now and then, you’ll hear a football announcer say “he had two defenders coming in his face.”
Madden used to phrase it like that sometimes, but I don’t think I’ve heard it from him in a while.
[QUOTE=Trunk]
come-dumpster is a good one.
Every now and then, you’ll hear a football announcer say “he had two defenders coming in his face.”
Madden used to phrase it like that sometimes, but I don’t think I’ve heard it from him in a while.
[/QUOTE]
Eh, it’s not as funny unless the tight end is lined up in the slot.
[QUOTE=asterion]
Eh, it’s not as funny unless the tight end is lined up in the slot.
[/QUOTE]
It can happen if the right guard pulls.
More “come” jokes. . .
There’s a Dane Cook bit that he does where he says, “guys, I’m going to tell you something to do at the movies that always get a laugh. . . ok, you’re sitting there with your girl, and a couple sits down behind you. The guy behind you is going to say something to his girl, like ‘the floor is sticky’”
(at this point, of course, you can see the joke coming a mile away and Dane knows you know it, so he drags it out a bit)
“so, guys, what you’re going to do. . .and this only happens once or twice a year, but it always gets a laugh. . .what you’re going to do is: after the guy says ‘this floor is sticky’, you turn around and go, ‘oh yeah, I came there.’”
That probably doesn’t translate well to print, but Cook’s style pulls it off.
[QUOTE=Trunk]
Madden used to phrase it like that sometimes, but I don’t think I’ve heard it from him in a while.
[/QUOTE]
Don’t get him started about when you cum on your uncle or we’re going to hear “cunkle… cunkle… cunkle.”
Well, you see when a man and a woman love each other very much…
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp]
Summa Cum Laude is worse. I remember a bad movie I saw once where the Asian exchange student claimed he graduated “Some Cum Loudly!”
[/QUOTE]
Popular girls graduate Swallow Cum Laude.