Lord Vetinari. He could take some high-up position in the US Government (not President because he’s not born here, but then again, I don’t think making campaign ads and kissing babies would please him too much), and fix everything. Also, like Sherlock Holmes, he wouldn’t be too damaged by leaving everyone and everything he knows behind.
I might need surgery. And I think it would be nice to have a servant. To cook meals and clean up. And to get the door hinges to creak just right. And Igors don’t ask pesky questions like “Where am I supposed to get a human brain at this time of night?” or “What the hell do you need 100 virgins for?”
The Librarian wouldn’t tickle him pink if your hubby called him a “monkey”.
Mr. Roarke, who could run a real Fantasy Island. But only if Tattoo gets to come along.