With the release of the new film TMNT, my mind went to a interview Jon Stewart had with Roger Ebert on The Daily Show a few years back. It was perhaps one of the most bizarre interviews in the show’s history, as Jon was in hysterics as he explained his role in the then-recent animated film Doogal. The two then discussed a serious topic Jon was asked about by an audience member earlier that night for some reason: which of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would win in a fight.
Ebert once wrote that “[a]ll that differentiates [the Turtles], in the Nintendo game that gave them birth, is their weapons.” Granted, the Turtles were borne in an underground comic book, not a video game, but he has a point: until they were color-coded in the animated series, the Turtles all looked alike except for their weapons. (Although the box of the video game is taken from a comic cover and thus depicts the Turtles with same-colored bandannas, the game itself uses the same color-coding as the TV series that has been used in the Turtles franchise to this day.) Seeing as this is the major difference between the Turtles at first glance, I assume Raphael would win, as he what appears to be the most powerful weapon, the twin sai swords. I assume Donatello would lose such a matchup (and probably be eliminated first) since he carries a wooden staff, or bo. Wikipedia tells us that a bo is “sometimes made of metal or plated with metal for extra strength,” however, it is uncertain from first glance whether Donatello’s bo is metallic or metal-plated. At first I thought Leonardo would win because of his twin swords, but then I read on Wikipedia that “With skill, it can be used effectively against a long sword by trapping the sword’s blade in the sai’s tsuba.” Although Wikipedia isn’t probably the first place I should be looking for information on Japanese weaponry, this makes me think that Raphael could use his sai to split Donatello’s bo in half, defend against and possibly disarm Leonardo, and also disarm Michelangelo by placing it inside the metallic link of his nunchukus. Again, if Donatello’s bo is metallic or metal-plated, he appears to have more of a chance.
A typical Bo staff is made of very hard wood. I’d be surprised if you could break it with a sai. In fact, I don’t really see a sai breaking a finely crafted katana, either. They were trapping and disarming weapons, not weapon breakers. Of course, one would assume that practical teaching in the use of weapons such as the Katana or Bo staff would include training in how to defeat (or at least attack) someone wielding a sai. I would think the TMNT themselves would be exceptionally well versed in this, given that one of thair training partners is an expert in the use of the sai, so they would have a lot of practice against it.
I didn’t expect the sai to break the katana. I assumed that Raphael would place his sai into Leonardo’s katanas and quickly jerk it so that the katanas would fall to the ground. Could a katana break a bo? This is why I thought Leonardo would win at first.
Every TMNT fan knows that the daisho swords are the kickass. (3d6 damage for the katana, 2d6 for the wakizashi, double attacks or attack-parry maneuvers possible) Even with the entangle capabilities of the nunchaku, michaelangelo doesn’t compar.
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On a slightly related note… why did they name the one who “makes machines” Donatello? Shouldn’t that one have been Leonardo, as an nod to his namesake?
Anyway, by the movie/cartoon standards, Leonardo is incompetent with his katana because he spends the whole time kicking people or hitting with the flat of the blade.
Leonardo is classically the best and most powerful fighter of the four. He was the de facto leader for a reason. He would win…BUT, only if he was willing to slay his brothers. Swords are designed to kill, not to win in a fight. If Leonardo had a sakaba-tou, (reverse blade katana), then maybe he would have a chance, but since this is not Rurouni Kenshin, that’s out of the picture.
I’m not sure, but I think a sai can be used non-lethally. Also, as has been mentioned before, Raphael fights dirty, ensuring an easy victory.
So, Raphael wins, then Leonardo. Donatello would be dead last, and Michalengelo would be busy ordering some pizza.
But what if there was only one slice of pizza left? They might just fight over it.
I had a Ninja Turtles PC game years ago. Donatello was actually the best. His bo had the best reach and I think it also did the most damage.
Maybe he can also follow Batman’s lead and come up with some gadgets to prepare himself.
Don’t look at the weapons, look at the Turtles. Raphael is the least stable, would overlook who he is fighting in his rage, and fail to pull punches as the other turtles would, in a fraternal brawl. In one of the Early underground comics, Raph is severly scolded and skulks away in shame for nearly braining one of his brother turtles with a lead pipe during a scuffle.
I was figuring that the hypothetical set-up was that they were hypnotized by Shredder to fight against each other. But a brawl over the last slice of pizza makes sense, too.
He is, as has been said, the Turtle most likely to lose his cool. This was presented as a point in his favour earlier, as he would go for lethal blows where the other 3 wouldn’t, but looking at it in a way more consistent with the Turtles world (and the way Raph’s generally portrayed), it’s a weakness. He’s undisciplined, and in losing his cool, is more likely to leave an opening for his opponent to exploit.
The sai’s main strength is as a sword catcher. I can’t recall a single case of his using them as such. His fighting style doesn’t seem to use them effectively as weapons, either, for that matter.
His sais have no range whatsoever.
That puts Raph in last place, in my book.
Mikey, I see two strikes:
Like Raph, he’s also undisciplined. The main difference being that Raph is overly aggressive, where Mikey is lazy and easily distracted.
Nunchaku aren’t exactly ranged weapons either. Mikey seems to use them effectively, however. Not the most nuanced fighter, to be sure, but he manages not to clock himself, and usually manages to hit his opponent, and that’s all nunchaku are really for.
Third place.
This leaves Don and Leo in the finals.
Both are disciplined, both are skilled.
I give Don the advantage here.
His bo has more range than Leo’s swords, and the effectiveness of the swords is reduced in non-lethal situations - they’re meant to cut, which Leo’s presumably not at liberty to do in this case. (Neither Don nor Leo is liable to break discipline like Raph, so the pulling of punches actually becomes an issue.) The bo also offers more defencive opportunities - no matter how he blocks with it, it can take a lot of abuse before it’s offencive capabilities are compromised. But for Leo and his swords, one badly executed block - or strike, for that matter - could damage the edge - not a big deal for this fight, as, as I said, he’s not liable to be trying to cut, but he’s presumably been trained to avoid doing that.
