Sounds like some humans…
I read the title as “What profession is best for a chimpanzee” and was hoping for lots of comments about politicians and reality TV show contestants.
Chimps are more honest/ethical than the first group & smarter than most in the second group, including the various show’s creators!
To give a real answer, if the choice was between an ordinary veterinarian (treating cats or cows) and a physician, and both were volunteering, I would assume the human doctor would be better qualified and pick him.
ETA : seems I’m the only one picking this option so far.
Why not both?
Seriously, this is the answer some zoos use- the ideal is a specialist vet, sure, but finding someone who’s actually spent serious time working with chimps? Not easy, and in some areas, not possible. Especially if an animal is suddenly or seriously sick, you really can’t spend days tracking down the one guy in the country who is a genuine chimpanzee specialist.
So, a common solution is to try and get a vet who’s done some primate work, and get a friendly GP to sit in and give a second opinion.
Right, Kayaker’s friend. My reading comprehension is slipping.
Well since chimos are so human like and they are smaller than people I would take the chimp to a Pediatrician.
So the monkey was spanking his own monkey? 
Probably start with a vet and ask them to refer you to someone, who will probably refer you to another person and so on until you get your answer. Of course every step of the way you’ll have to answer questions about what you’re doing with a chimp.
I was going to say proprietor of a curiosity shop.
Sounds like that monkey would really enjoy the Internet …
In the movie of Creator someone brings a chimpanzee into the University Hospital Emergency Room.
Sid (Doctor played by David Ogden Stiers – without a Boston accent): That’s not a human being. It’s a chimp!
Harry (Nobel Laureate doctor played by Peter O’Toole, to his assistant Boris):First step in diagnosis, Boris, identify the species of your patient.
Sid: You’re not treating an animal in my ER
Harry: Come on, Boris, Let’s operate.
On the other hand I’d be wary of working on an adult chimp without knowing what the hell I was doing. It was a partially sedated chimp on Xanax, after all, that attacked a woman, removing her hands and face:
http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/08/11/massachusetts.facial.transplant/index.html
They never explained precisely what happened, but I suspect the amateur drugging attempt effectively reduced the chimp’s inhibitions, allowing it to maul someone it knew well. Chimps are powerful and dangerous, and this shows the kind of result inept handling can produce
I’d go with “loan shark enforcer”.
“What will the chimp do to you, if you don’t make your payments? We don’t really know …”
Humans can be randomly violent too, thers nothing some tranquilisers won’t fix.
And someone who spends much of their time giving cats flea pills or with their hands up inside a cow would do better?
This seems very sensible
Agreed, though it wouldn’t have been much of a debate if a chimp doctor was available.
“And if you do pay us our money? Well, we’re not really sure what he’ll do then either.”
That’s kind of the point. It’s like asking “You need open heart surgery. Who would you rather have perform the operation? A dentist or a psychiatrist?” You’ve got two answers that are so far from being good, that it’s pretty much a random choice which one is “better”.
I get your point
Anyhoo, the psychiatrist would be better, they completed whole-body medical school,
This seems like an easy decision. My vote is for the GP.
Gorilla Practitioner.
But how many chimps actually graduate from medical school?
Surprisingly many I guess, Would you give someone who could rip your face off a failing grade?
As others have intimated, “it’s what primates do”. Quoting from Ring of Bright Water by Gavin Maxwell, the “otter man” and lover of many other kinds of fauna: [he briefly owned] “a bush baby [aka galago – African primitive primate], who apart from the wholly misleading blood-curdling shriek with which he would nightly challenge the sleeping jungle of Chelsea, turned out to be a really crashing bore; his hobbies, moreover, were solitary and embarrassing. Later, after he had moved on to less exacting ownership than mine, I was offered another with the curious but most appropriate name of Hitchcock; though he proved, in fact, to have been christened by the surname of his owners, it was a reminder, and I declined.”