I need your opinions.
My son is in the 5th grade.
The school levy passed and the school right across the street from us has opened.
He had missed 40 days of school this semester mostly cause of sickness(we get sick every winter).
I have a choice as to keep him back, which would have the results of
being able to walk in 2 miutes to school.
This Feb. my father, who drives us to and home from school was in the hospital for 3 weeks.
Because of this, we took cabs to school ad buses home which cost my father about 300$.
That problem would be eliminated with this school.
I will not send my son on a school bus.
The only minus of this would be he would have an extra year of school to go to, which he is anxious to be out of the sooner the better.
He does pretty poorly i math, even the teacher said he’ll never be good at it, he got a D in one of the semester grades of it, the only reason he didn’t get straight D’s or F’s was that I did most of his math homework(better than hours of crying and frustration) no the school has no tutoring or anything.
Why on earth can he not ride the bus? That sounds like the biggest problem. I’d say put him on the bus and get him to school, in the right grade if he can handle the work, every possible day you can get him there. It’s no wonder he’s not doing well, having missed pretty much half the school year. And you certainly aren’t doing him any favors doing his homework for him.
What is wrong with him that he misses so much school? That’s the obvious reason why his grades are not up to par.
If he’s failing, he should be kept back. I don’t understand why a 5th grader is so anxious to be done with school. This is the time in childhood where he should be enjoying it.
Also, if the school is right across the street, why can’t he walk?
I dunno how much it would help (I have no idea how he learns, how well he’s able to translate written word to thought, etc), but I’d be perfectly willing to tutor him via email. Email’s in profile, just make sure the title includes [SDMB] or I might not be able to distinguish it from spam (I don’t know your email address, affer all;)).
It sounds like he needs to be kept back. The advantages really seem to outweigh the disadvantages. Maybe his new teacher will be able to make his brain click with math. Maybe you can find a free tutor or a program or something.
Wow, this post has totally blown me away and kind of back to my childhood. I also missed a lot of school (because my mom routinely kept me home to take care of the little kids, but sent in notes, that I had to write myself, saying that I was sick). I realized much later that she did not and still does not value education and basically set myself and my siblings up for failure.
How can a teacher say that your 5th grader can’t ever do math? How will he learn if you do the work for him? 5th grade is way too early to give up on doing well in school, unless you are encouraging this mind-set. I got a D in math in 5th grade because I stacked my books in the order of my classes instead of from big to small (Catholic school :smack:) I now have a PhD in Engineering.
For what other reasons, aside from illness, was he out of school for 40 days? Most kids get the cold or a flu once or twice a semester, so you miss at most a couple of weeks. 40 days is 8 weeks which is half the semester. If he is truely ill for that length of time he should be eligible for home tutoring (at least in the us).
Based on what you have written, I think he should repeat the 5th grade, not because it’s more convenient for you, but because he didn’t attend school enough to master the material covered in 5th grade. Base your decision on whats best for your son, not your convenience.
His grades would probably improve if he did his own homework. He’ll never get the hang of math if he doesn’t actually do any of it.
Why can’t he go on the school bus? Also, why has he missed so much school? All kids get sick from time to time but it would be unusual for any child to miss that much every winter.
It seems to me there are some other issues here besides school location.
Just for reference, vanilla, one of my students this past spring term was told by more than a few of her high school administrators and teachers that she couldn’t do or [y], that she’d never amount to anything, etc. Feed a damaged sense of self with deprecating remarks and you won’t get someone who thinks they can do x or y.
In the past few months she progressed farther in math and english than she had certainly in four years of high school (they stuck her in ESL classes and basically forgot about her) and probably ten or so years after that (she’s got grandkids, in case that last bit was confusing. She didn’t think she could do it. I did. I don’t mean to pimp myself, only to say that just because a teacher doesn’t think something is possible doesn’t mean it actually is impossible. It took some hard work on both our parts, and time that teacher might not have for your son. She isn’t going to be a math professor when she’s done with school, but she is training to be a nurse, and she’ll be a good one. She doesn’t have nearly the difficulty with math that she had back in February; she still has some troubles, but then that’s more because of how late she’s learning this stuff than anything else. I’m reasonably sure that she wouldn’t still be in school if not for competent tutoring she got. All it took was time, patience and two willing students (I had to learn about her to teach her properly).
I was in a hurry earlier and left out a little info.
We both get sick in the winter; its because of cold weather (no matter what Cecil says!)
Some days he was off to recoop and others he was taking dr.s medication.
I was the same way all my school years.
The school across the street is k-5 only.
He was (is) in a school that was 5&6.
The other school is 6-8.
I had a conference with teacher, and a few others and they all thought he was doing well enough despite the absences to pass.
About the school bus, I am worried about harrassment; I’ve seen it on the news, and despite being the biggest in first grade, he is 4’8" and 70 lbs.
Some of his classmates are 5’9" and some seem to be about 130 lbs!
I’ve stopped doing the math homework, and he does have to do math tests in school so its not like he is totally bad in it.
I appreciate your opinions and welcome more.
I will e mail you iampunha, thanks!
vanilla you’re the parent so ultimately it’s up to you to decide what’s best for your son. However, since you asked, I think he should be kept back in fifth grade. He may bitch and moan, but if it’s as you said he’s had some trouble with math and has missed a lot of the school year, then, it may profit him better down the road to repeat a grade. Who knows, it may encourage him to be a better student. I am also in agreement that tutoring would help.
I know, I went into the conference thinking I had to persuade them; they said in elementary grades, the parents have the ultimate say.
They also said they would make a notation that they objected if I did insist on it.
I want whats best for him, I wish an angel of the Lord would come down and tell me so I’d know for SURE, but it hasn’t happeed.
I am afraid if anything goes badly, it’ll have been my fault for keeping or sending on!
They said the middle school may have an art and drama club which is where his talents lie.
IMHO, he should be retained. 6th grade is a transition to a much faster paced school career. It is where organization skills develop; it is where more and more responsibility is placed on the student. If you have been doing work for your son most of the year, it will make the projects and tests, and homework he has to prepare for that much more difficult in the next year. Give him time to practice completely on his own. Teachers will begin to hold his hand less and less.
In the higher grades, 30 days is the maximum amount that is allowed to be missed without some major notes from the doctor and catching up. At this point, the child has missed at least one full topic in math (possibly two), nevermind the other subjects. It’s very overwhelming (a lot of crying and frustration will follow) and can cause psychological issues with school (ie. panic attacks). It’s not necessarily the norm that those issues will occur, but something that you should be aware of.
Unfortunately, you cannot make this decision based on your convenience. If you decide to hold him back it seems it would be more cost effective for you, which is a wonderful thing. However, if you decide to send him off to 6th grade, you have to be comfortable with transportation issuses … maybe you could carpool with someone else?
Is your son aware of this decision? Have you asked his opinion?
I, also, am willing to aid in tutoring. I teach 6th grade math momentarily and would be glad to help if you need.
Yes, his opinion was, last time I asked, that he’d like to stay in 5th cause its more fun and he would actually have playground equipment to play on.
Right now, they just have a tennis court.
Let’s talk more about this whole bus thing. Look, I rode the bus pretty much every day to school up until recently when I got a car. You really shouldn’t worry about it. The bus is that time to make friends that live in your area and to just relax and have fun before and after school. By being overprotective, you insulate your son too much.
One of the girls I know had never ridden the bus before, then had to go to traffic court and got sentenced to riding the bus for thirty days. This wouldn’t seem like a big deal to me, but she was absolutely terrified to do it. By never having experienced it herself, she built it up in her mind like some big bad monster, when it was really no problem at all.
<hijack=“bussing”>Make friends with the kids in your area? I just slept.
Which I suppose is a good sign, that I, the short-lightweight-geeky-smart kid w/ glasses, could sleep on a public school bus without anything happening to me.
I will say, however, that I liked the fact that the bus dropped me off at the corner, that way no one knew where I lived, exactly.</hijack>
Well, hey, if you hold him back a grade, he’ll have a chance to grow a bit, then he won’t be smaller than his classmates. I dunno, I attached a bit of a stigma to “being held back”, but I also attached a bit of a stigma to being a stupid assclown that should have been held back, so it could go either way.
I don’t have a terribly high opinion of public education, so I sez if the kid wants him a jungle gym, that’s a good enough reason as any.
My math skills never ended up very good but I made it through everything up to calculus, after going through grades 1-5 with a very poor grasp on math and being told it was OK to be bad at it. Moved schools in grade 5, was told quite firmly it was not OK to be bad at math just because I was a girl, and had the good fortune to get extra after school help in grade 5, followed by a lousy teacher in grade six, but a teacher in grade 7 who believed I could do the work and made that clear to me. I did well that year. It was an incredible change to my confidence.
It’s clear that you care a lot about your son’s academic success, so I’m not above pleading with you to find him a math mentor. It made a huge difference to my ability to cope with school in general, not to have math classes be a big obstacle. And the difference was made by a couple of people who believed that because I was not stupid, I could cope with math as well as I coped with my other subjects, and who gave me the extra help I needed to get through and learn, rather than sit in a class struggling, and cry over my homework.
Why don’t you go to the 6-8th grade school (if it is stil open) and talk to the conselors and teachers (if they are still there) there and explain your problems to them and let them advise you? They are the ones who he will be dealing with and you can sound them out nad find out what sort of people they are and if they will provide the support your son needs.
I would avoid holding him back *if the new school school can offer him remedial help. Talk to them: see if they mention that they have a particularly gifted math teacher they can put him with, or a tutoring session, or some other support for learning math.
Have you had him tested for a learning disability? If not, ask the school to test him. If there is a fundemental difference in the way he sees math, taking al the same lessons again will not make much difference. Special ed paperwork is notoriously slow to process (special ed people being the hardest working, thinnest spred group of people on this planet), so start now.
Last, he CANNOT miss so much school ever again. Frankly, that’s an amazing amount of school to miss and I would suspect that anxiety–if he dislikes school–is playing a role. Doesn’t mean he’s “faking”, it just means that he hates school so lmuch that he gets sick thinking about it. Go to the doctor NOW. Go by yourself hte first time. Explain this pattern, and how it is hurting your son–because make no mistake, if he misses half a semester each year for the next 6 years, he will likely not graduate and even if he does will not be prepared for either college or even a modestly well paying job… If the doctor gives you no useful advice, talk to his school conselors, find a new doctor, whatever it takes. Missing that much school is a very big deal.
When you say he missed 40 days due to illness, what specific diagnosis are we talking? Because your son will never do well in school if he regularly misses more than a month of school every year. You need to get him to a doctor who can help you figure out why he is ill so often and how to prevent it.
My daughter missed 6 weeks of school in the 4th grade (she had a major orthopedic surgery and wasn’t able to attend but did have a school-supplied tutor a couple of times a week during her recuperation). She also missed a number of days post-recuperation due to doctor’s appointments; physical therapy, etc. It was a little more than 2 months total she missed that year. She fell behind pretty severely due to the missed school and despite the tutoring, so we decided to hold her back. It was a good decision for us. She was able to catch up and become proficient in the things she missed due to her illness. If she had gone on to the next grade there would have been ‘holes’ in her knowlege. She missed very little school for the rest of elementary and middle school. She is a 10th grader now and this year she missed a lot of school due to more orthpedic issues – nearly a month total. However, because she is a good student (and very self directed) she was able to keep up with her classes (she has a 4.0 or 4.1 average). She emailed her teachers in order to recieve and complete assignments and keep on top of the homework, borrowed notes from friends and once a teacher were kind enough to make up a ‘send home’ test in substitute for an in-class test that her classmates took. And she got that good foundation in elementary school. Your son, missing so much school at such a young age, is bound to have some major lacks in the foundation of his education. And, judging from what you say about his homework, he is not going to be self-sufficient enough to keep up with classwork while home sick – this is a maturity issue, also; as I said, my daughter didn’t keep up with her class during her surgery in the 4th grade, either.
In short, if you routinely missed this much school yourself, you may have the idea that it’s normal (how did you do in school, anyway?), but it’s not. I would recommend that you hold your son back, but only if you’re going to be able to make a concentrated effort to get him to school every day next year. If you don’t work on his attendance, there isn’t a lot of point in holding him back – no kid is ever going to do well in school missing so many days every single year.
from about 3rd grade to 11th, I missed about a month every winter-upper respiratory infections.
Always got penicillin or amoxcillin.
Me and my son don’t take cold weather very well.
He had mostly colds, once the flu, and was not taking off for anxiety.
Yes, I’ve been calling the new school, they tell me a letter with info would be sent in August, but I need info to decide now.
I’ve talked to the new principal of the school across the street(its opening so he’s coming from another school) and got a real good vibe, he was quite helpful.
The current school says he’s just not trying with math, and I could work with him over the summer.
With the school across the street, transportation would be no problem- any bad weather or car trouble or hospitalization of my father would not stop us from going.
2 minutes walk it is.
I still believe that you need to rethink your stand on the bus issue. Millions of kids get to school on busses every day, and, yeah, there have been a few incidents on busses, but no more than there there everywhere else - in school hallways, on the streets, at the work place, where ever! If he’s nervous, tell him to sit up front near the bus driver, or better yet, have a friend save him a seat - there’s strength in numbers. If you’re being told that he’s ready for middle school, then he should probably go on to middle school with the rest of his friends, and the bus is the best way for him to get there. My kids have ridden busses for the past 10 years, and neither one of them have ever mentioned any harrassment problems, and my son is quite small for his age (He’s 5’0" at age 14, and he’s grown a lot in the past year).
Has he really needed to stay home that much for colds? When my kids or I get a cold, we might need a day at home if it hits us hard, but there’s no reason to stay home if it’s just the sniffles. The flu generaly runs its course in a couple of weeks at most, so that’s 10 days of school. That leaves 6 weeks of staying home for colds - that seems excessive to me.
