Shut it, you.
My elephant is going out today, to arrive tomorrow by 3pm! I have the same issue as Wile E - my recipient is a guy, and I’m a girl, so I pared down my offerings to fit into one medium box.
Whew!
That was me. I can’t even remember everything I put into that thing, but that box was like an archeological dig. You can tell what room I was filling the box from as each layer progressed.
Basement - stuff left over from the toy store
Kitchen - junk drawer
Bathroom - stockpile of random housewares
Living room - china cabinet with who knows what in the bottom drawer
Bedroom, random DVD’s
Did I send to you last year? The BK mask sounds awfully familiar. I still have a couple left… have to share the horror, you know.
At first I was daunted at the task of shipping to a lady instead of a gentleman (crap, now what am I going to do with this stack of vintage porn?) but I solved my problem the easy way - I just run everything by my wife for approval.
But I’m still packing the dragon ashtray, it’s time has come.
OK - my elephant was sent packing for Michigan yesterday via Priority Mail. It should be there by the end of the week.
purplehaze, were you my elephantee last year? I swear I remember packing up a hideous squirrel and acorn S&P set last year.
Just an idea … I see more than one person has had difficulty packing items for the opposite gender. Maybe that could be taken into consideration next time, if it’s not too much trouble.
If you got my name, please include the porn. TIA.
I’m kind of hoping it was me. That dragon ashtray sounds COOL!
Ditto. 
Yes :dubious:
PS I am your sender.
Wrapped, snapped, sailed and mailed! Somebody in Philly is getting a metric shitload of crap, I tell you what! 
My elephantee is male, and I’m female, but I didn’t have much trouble. I included some girly stuff, but you know what? Now it’s HIS stuff!
I don’t know if the match ups were random or carefully planned out but I kind of like the challenges of sending my junk, not only to someone I don’t really know but to someone of a different demographic (age, gender, etc.) and a whole different spot on the rock (I reckon my elephant will be traveling about 1000 miles or so).
Of course if I had gotten you as a send to we could have saved a boat load of postage and just traded packages down on the circle or something. (I got extra crap if you want it :D)
Oh, and guys like scented candles and salt & pepper shakers too 
And the wife has nixed the vintage porn, she confinscated it for herself.
Did you run THAT by the wife? :dubious:
Hell, it was her idea.
I wonder what she meant by that?
I got my package (err, junk? box? special delivery? damn the innuendoes) yesterday.
Mine is boxed up and will be shipped out today. Last minute, like everything I do, sorry!
OK, sent (ETA 2-3 days). When my recipient posts that they received it, I will reveal that I am the sender.
My elephanter was picunurse. My package contained 6 flavors of coolness and enough bitching awesomeness to fuel a ninja for 3.5 days!
It was a great assortment of truly random items, mostly useful, some silly, but the best of all was right on top…
A mask of the Burger King!!! I was so inspired…I want to acquire a purple robe (or even just a royal purple fleece throw or something), and be the King for Halloween! I’ll post pics if I do!
Thanks, picunurse!
Oh good lord.
The elephant has landed in Whiteland.
Keep in mind I am a noob, the premise sounded simple enough - box up some random junk, mail it off, wait for someone else’s random junk to arrive, profit.
…
So I stepped outside this afternoon to get a pack of smokes and a 2-liter of Diet Coke (for the wife, I try to avoid the stuff if at all possible). There I see the UPS guy walking up to the neighbor’s house. He takes a second look at the address and says “Oops, I believe this is yours”. He hands me the box and runs off to his truck.
“Cool, my elephant is here.” I thought as I set the box on my counter then went back out to run my errand. When I returned the family was bristling with excitement. Being the tease that I am I ate dinner first, then the kids brought me the box.
“Well would you look at that, Pierce Bronson, cool.” With a Christmas morning hard-on I dove head first into the box.
“It’s a puzzle.”
“It’s a Jim Morrison Poetry Book, Awesome.”
“It’s some sort of froggish soap dispenser, cool.”
“Huh, it seems to be some sort of vintage sock hat, with… oh, a fish inside. Hey, is that a Homer Simpson chia pet?”
I was digging, the kids were digging, the wife was sitting back just kind of digging the whole scene. We went through the whole box kind of rapidly just kind of taking a quick inventory and every thing was incredible, even the That’s Incredible book from the '80s. Then it started to go wrong.
“Can I touch the fish?”
“Cool, I want to touch it too.”
“I’m scared, I want to touch it.”
OK, so I pulled the fish out of the hat. It was a blowfish. The kids all took turns touching it. Suddenly my wife said “Um, that’s not a stuffed fish, it’s just a dead fish.”
“No way, it’s got to be stuffed, it’s all puffed out see?” I held the fish up. Something rattled inside. I shook it. A mealy bug flew out, amazingly enough it was like one of those old cartoons where a guy opens an empty wallet and the moths fly out.
“Aahh, what the hell was that?”
“Hey, there’s soap in this froggy thingy.”
“Where the hell did that bug come from? I told you it wasn’t stuffed. Oh my god, don’t touch that, we don’t know if it’s soap or not.”
“Can I have the puzzle?”
“There’s something sticky here.”
“Get it out of here.”
“No dear, relax, it’s just a stuffed fish. I’ve seen ones like this many times hanging with some shells and starfish in a net.” Something unidentifiable falls out of what used to be the fish’s bung hole.
“Oh my god, EWWWW, get… that fucking thing… the hell out of my house.”
“Relax, it’s OK. Here, I’ll stuff it back up into the hat. There, all better now.”
“I don’t know who those fucking dopers are but they’re all just like you. You’re all sick.”
And with that parting shot she left to go to her mother’s and take her dinner to her.
…
I sit and contemplate my recent gifting. I step into the bedroom and look at my nearly stuffed procrastinated elephant.
“I’m clearly out of my league here. Wow.”
I look at the crumpled sock hat again, decide to pay the Ron Paul pin forward to a friend of mine at work, and then think "Wait a minute. I’m not licked yet (and with that fish in the house I may never get licked again), I’m better than this. I can do better than scented candles and hair spray.
Dammit, I’m a Doper."
So of course, the first thing I did was sit down to write this. But the second thing, the second thing is to finish the final addition to my outtie, and get to work spicing it up a little before it takes off tomorrow. Oh yeah, I might not be able to top Pierce Bronson and a dead fish, but i can give it one hell of a try.
Oh, and many thanks to my elephanter. That was the shizznits. Awesome box, many thanks again.
Wow nd_n8. Just wow.
Well, my WE box should have arrived by now. There is no dead fish or Burger King mask in my box though.
So I sent my box out yesterday, and received one today.
I got a party in a box!
One DVD Cocktail Guide
One deck of cards
One small corkscrew
One Marlins Inaugural baseball
One stuffed bear holding a heart that reads “Shit Bitch You is Fine” :dubious:
A nice cigarette case
A money clip
An extension cord
A USB cord
A hat from the Cayman Islands
A purse made out of a pair of jeans
One Position of the Day book
A little vinyl pack containing lube and condom directions
and, last, but definately not least,
TWENTY condoms!
I’ve been sober and celibate for quite a while now, but I did just have my fortieth birthday…
maybe it’s time to take up some old habits!
Thanks, Flander!
I solemnly swear that my elephant will be sent out tomorrow. Really, I swear.