Agreed. I’ve noticed it myself. (Don’t you just love the ‘why does it have to be race’ comments?)
Because I’ve never noticed the sharp change in attitude with biracial couples between any other race. W/M +A/F = basic W attitude. W/M + B/F = basic W attitude. A/M + B/F = W attitude. H/M + W/F = basic W attitude. H/M + B/F = basic H attitude.
However, in most cases where a W/A/H female is with a Black man, they tend to act Black. Far too many W/F who I spot with B/M get positively hefty and bitchy. I’ve not noticed this with A/H females with B/Ms. I have heard from some Black friends, who aren’t that much into racial mixing, that White women are considered a status symbol. Other Black friends who are into racial mixing have said that W women are much less volatile and vengeful than B women, Asian women the same, but Hispanic women have a tendency to be hot tempered. Others have mentioned that a lot of Black men are tired of the ‘Big Butt’ women with African tits. (They do tend to droop an awful lot more than W/A/H women’s do.) They tend to develop a ‘shelf’ of fat around the top of the hips that the others don’t. (I have seen many beautiful Black women, but these are the ‘new’ generation who work hard to keep looking good. Still, they have a reputation for being real mean when mad.) Mouthy as heck also. I’ve been around a lot of people arguing and no other average female of any race can beat a pissed off Black Woman arguing. Even the Black men.
I guess now this will put me on the ‘hit list’ as a racist. Probably wind up getting us dumped in the pit.
mouthbreather, I’m white, and used to have a black girlfriend. I agree with you. Why it is, though, I dunno, so I guess I’m not much help to this thread.
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I went out with that girlfriend for about four years, and so I developed a pretty thick skin about people talking behind my back about it. As a consequence, I tend to be in great sympathy with others who are traveling this hard road for the sake of love. And I tend to pay more attention to these couples because of it. I notice a mixed race couple the other night, and was glad for them, because they were totally giddy and love. But they noticed me looking, and I think they thought I had a problem with it. It made me sad. But I know how they feel. Sorry for the ramble.
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I dunno the reasons, but you could make a similar observation about the different gender ratios of White/Asian couples. You see many more white man/asian woman couples than vice versa.
How come?
As far as the OP goes, I think wireless pegged the answer pretty well with these observations:
The couples I have known do seem to follow that outline.
This happens to me all the time, on both sides. I often stare at interracial couples in situations like this too, and get the “fuck you” glance in return. However, when I am with my gf, and I notice anyone paying us any more attention than anyone else, I immediately go on the defensive and shoot the “quit looking right now, asshole” glance, when I’m sure many of them come from a similar mindset. It sucks, I wish there was some magical way to tell from what angle people were coming at you. But after you take enough snide comments and scowls you become wary of any attention at all.
All of that said, it is absolutely worth it. I wouldn’t trade my lady for anyone! ::shakes off a case of the warm-fuzzies::
Maybe this is because generally the guy asks the woman out? He selects one he thinks he fits with? (Of course, she may disagree, and then they don’t go out at all)
I for one don’t act black or act white. I act capacitor.
Anyway, it does seem that the woman in a relationship takes on some of the man’s traits. But mouthbreaker, do you find it true the other way around, that you take on some of your girlfriend’s traits?
-Speculation as to why there might be more BM/WF thatn WM/BF couples: most of the standards of “ideal female beauty” in our culture involve white women. And males’ attraction to females comes largely from physical attraction. And in general, it’s still probably the case that whites are higher “status” than blacks in some way. And men tend to be the active choosers in the forming of relationships.
Thus, it’s more likely that a black man would want to go out with a more attractive and higher status white woman, than that a white man would want to go out with a black woman
-Speculation as to why there might be more WM/AF than AM/WF couples (including Asian Indian): Asian women tend to fit the standards of physical attraction. Traditional Asian culture also teaches them to be at least somewhat quiet and subservient, which is something that many men, even if they wouldn’t want to admit it, find attracative. Thus, lots of WM/AF couples. Asian men, however, if they have a traditional Asian upbringing (and boy am I just generalizing (also known as talking out of my ass) here), have been told that it is their role to go out, find a bride of their own ethnicity, and marry her, in order to keep the culture alive. So they do. Thus, fewer AM/WF couples. (Again, it really all comes down to the men being the more active participants in the mate-choosing process).
I’m personally willing to do my part to help investigate this puzzling but important dilemma, so any White, Asian or Black females who want to go out with me for a while…
You’re leaving out the element of choice on the part of the female. White females may feel a mixture of oppressed-person affinity and white guilt around black guys; and in this culture guys tend to be more overt about taking the sexual-interest initiative, so she (the white woman) is often in a respondent position, to consider or reject the opportunity to go out with the black guy.
Meanwhile, black women may feel less affinity and presumably no guilt directed towards white guys, who, being guys, are expected to take the initiative. So you’ve got SOME guys interested in cute black girls because they are cute and/or because they are curious and want to check them out because being black makes them different…but if there is any residual flavor of OBJECTIFYING of her as a thing, either as a female (in ways that often piss off women when men flirt) or as a black person (in ways that blacks are generally sensitized to), she’s likely to express contempt or revulsion or anger, yes? OK, so instead suppose it is your basic white Sensitive New Age Guy kind of fellow…all right, he’s still supposed to take the initiative because guys are supposed to take the initiative, but he’s figuring she’s likely to have ‘alert flags’ on both because he is white and because he is male…and probably she does, right?
I guess what I’m saying is that, to whatever extent individuals can just meet and flirt and carry on without social race_x_gender issues making them self-conscious or creating areas of wariness between them, it should make no difference which person is white or black or which person is male or female in such couples; but when these factors DO exist as a strong presence, the dynamics between black male and white female look more likely to have intensifying positives as well as alienating differences, while the dynamics between white male and black female are mainly just going to be alienating differences to be ignored or to have to work out.
You lost me here, specifically where you say case 1 may have “intensifying positives as well as alienating differences” but case 2 only has “alienating differences”. Why do you think this is the case?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by mouthbreather *
**Necros:
Weird–when I’m by myself, I smile at all interracial couples I see (especially when they have cute kids!) and usually get smiles in return. I happen to be biracial myself, but don’t necessarily look it…could that be it?
When I’m with my fiancee (who happens to be black) we always exchange nods and smiles when with interracial couples we come across, and always get them back.
And how, mouthbreather! Hooray for those of us who improve the human gene pool through interracial dating (and reproduction?)
Akash
I didn’t really catch the full meaning of ‘acting black’ until a few years ago. I was walking in downtown Toronto with a friend and two of her cousins from the US. Two black men, in the midst of a discussion, walked passed us. My friend’s cousins paused, turned to watch the black men go by, and said, “Wow!”. I asked what they were wowing about, and one of the cousins replied, “They’re speaking normal English!”.
Now I don’t want to make any broad generalizations about Canada versus the US in terms of racial harmony, etc., but in my personal experience, ‘acting black’ was something I had only seen on American television shows, and even then I didn’t think of someone like Jimmy (J.J.) Walker as a ‘real’ character. I didn’t think that my black girlfriends ‘acted white’, I just thought they acted Canadian, or, for particular things, acted Trinidadian or Jamaican. But that was no different than my oriental girlfriend acting Vietnamese, or other friends acting Slovak, or Polish. Am I alone in this, or is the whole concept of ‘acting black’ an American phenomenon?
Sorry for the ramble.
