I’m not really going to tiptoe around with PC semantics here, so I’m sure someone is going to get bent at this. I say this to those of you who are offended by this: I know where my heart is on this, and I don’t see myself as having any bigoted/racist/prejudiced opinions towards anyone whatsoever. So please bite me. :).
I am white. My gf is black. When we are out we tend to pay attention to other black/white couples that we see. Yes, I am generalizing here. (Read: THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS. LOTS OF THEM. I KNOW THIS.) But, the majority of the time, this is what I have noticed.
Whenever you have a WM/BF the couple tends to act more “white”.
Whenever you have a BM/WF, the couple tends to act more “black”.
Hmm. I know a fair number of biracial couples, but I haven’t observed the phenomenon you are describing. Maybe you could explain what you mean when you say “acting ‘white’” and “acting ‘black’”? Are you talking about musical tastes, style of dress, converstaional style, or what?
spoke: I suppose I meant it a combination of all those things. Mainly just dialect and dress though(as you don’t get to really know people who you pass or have brief conversations with.)
sailor: Very good point. I considered that as well. Which may turn this discussion into a male/female dynamics more than a black/white issue. Although, when you have a couple of the same race and background, you don’t really get to see if there is any “adaptation”, because they are similar to begin with.
But another point to consider is that perhaps all parties involved were the way they are now (coming into the relationship – therefore they didn’t “adapt” to anything) and this could be part of the attraction? I dunno.
I appreciate that we are able to discuss this rationally. I was expecting to get flamed.
I notice bi-racial couples for the same reason that people might notice Lola and myself, we tend to stand out a little. Lola is Metis and I am about as one can be without suffering from albinoism.
Despite all this I don’t see either of us being anyone but ourselves. To me we’re just another couple walking around happily in love with each other.
Ike… I’ll take some watermelon when you have a minute.
I figured I would get a comment like this. (I don’t mean that to sound nasty) It’s all in perception. Do you honestly not know what I am talking about? For instance, you see a group of young white kids who talk in ebonics, listen to rap, etc.
And I know that what I just described is not necessarily “being black”, because there are many, many black people who hate rap and speak perfect “king’s english”, etc.
Just as there are plenty of white people who speak ebonics, and try to emulate hip-hop culture in their mannerisms and dress, etc.
Ultress, to go a little bit further with my comment:
My girlfriend has told me that since she was growing up she was shunned by a large portion of her high school (mostly black) for being “too white” (i.e. she spoke proper english, did well in school, didn’t listen to the rap or r&b, etc.)
And often you will get the white kid who speaks ebonics, listens to rap, wears baggy clothes who many white people will say “is trying to act black”.
So my point is not to speak on what “acting white or black” is, just some of the generalities that people put on people of their own race who don’t “fit the mold”, for lack of a better phrase.
Well I don’t see them that way. If they are equal in the relationship, they should appear equal.
On the other hand mouthbreather, what defines black or white? Have you been to Africa? Those black people don’t look or act anything like the ones in america.
Either white or black, we’re all more of a mutt these days.
Oh, come on! We all know what is meant by “acting black” and “acting white.” I think it’s ridiculous to make another argument as to why this is improper when the context was clearly defined in the OP. The issue is NOT that all white people have white behavior and all black people have black behavior (or what are black people and what are white people), which I thought would be obvious enough in this day and age. I’m thankful that in spite of these “corrective” posts some substantive answers have been given to the original issue.
I tend to lend weight to the gender argument, but not necessarily in the issue of interracial relationships. I have three black friends (actually, one is part Native American) who act white and have always dated white women. Obviously, the women weren’t conforming to the white behavior of the boyfriends. So, we’re back to the point that it’s just two similar people getting together.
Another note: one of my friends is black and was adopted into a white family, along with many other children of various colors and creeds. He acts white and says that his same-age brother acted the same until high school, when he began to act black, which he continues to do today.
SO, it appears that one has a choice in acting black or acting white, often independent of upbringing. Hence, that person will end up in a relationship with someone else who acts the same, be it black, white, artistic, anal, Moslem, Eastern, etc.
Thanks for shooting straight, jumblemind. That’s what I wanted.
Good point.
Milo:
Yes, there is a large difference between the number of WM/BW vs. BM/WW. I’m not sure I could quantify it as 3:1, 10:1, or whatever, but it is highly unequal.
There is a definite idolization (there’s probably a MUCH better word than that, but it isn’t coming to me) of white women by SOME black men. It’s also worth noting that many black men have severe backlash to this notion, and would never date any white women.
However, this idolization of the women of the opposite race & sex just does not exist as a rule for white men. Sure, there are some exceptions here and there, but I think it is much more prevalent in BM trying to get WW then the other way around. Why is this? I think that it is becoming an outdated notion, that some BM just see WW as trophies or status symbols. I think that the more accepted interracial couples become, the less this idea will persist.
Among my circle of friends (of all kinds of colors, ethnicities, nationalities, etc.), I have 2 black male good friends (how does one say that without sounding slightly odd?) with whom I get together (not “get together”) on a semi-regular basis.
Both would probably be characterized as “acting white” or fairly mainstream. Both work in corporate america.
I have also been part of a mixed race couple.
Here are my observations:
People are mostly the way they are before they enter into the relationship, whether “acting black” or “acting white” or being a neat-nik or a control-freak or a vegetarian or whatever. We gravitate to people generally like ourselves.
When it comes to “lifestyle changes”, the woman generally does more “accomodating” (changing). Exception: anything to do with the household (decoration, placement of kitchen items, etc.).
My black friends and I would always get the occasional “strange look” when out together (at least once per excursion). However, they used to come primarily from white people. Over the years that has become less frequent - I’m happy to say. However, there seems to be an increase in the number of “looks” we get from black people. ::sigh::
The fact that we’re having a (mostly) rational and open discussion on this issue is progress. Yeah! (albeit probably aided by the fact that dopers are in some ways a homogeneous group.
YMMV
As to brandocet’s wrestling comment:
At my first job out of college, co-workers used to tell myself and a black girfreind/colleague that we should go into wrestling as “Salt and Pepper” (this was long before “Salt ‘n’ Peppa”). This was mostly in reference to the local establishment that featured “jello wrestling” and the like. While the world has changed, perhaps the engineering profession has not. Needless to say, we never took their advice (on this or much else).