Of course I do not go around touching or asking to touch people or their hair, but typical “black person hair” has physical properties that are amazing. It isn’t because it is exotic or that black people are like wild animals, but that the hair itself is awesome. If I had this type of hair I would touch it all the time because the tactile sensation is enjoyable. It would be like having an endlessly fun toy on my head.
Even when the hair is straightened, the way one can wrap it around a pencil and the curl just stays is incredible.
The idea that “good hair” is the kind that just hangs there limply must be propaganda. I have long straight hair and random people touch it sometimes. Unless the person seems to have dirty hands, I don’t really care. If I had giant Afro puffs though, I can see wanting to keep them to myself.
I am a recovered trichotillomanic. But I’m only “recovered” because I keep my hair closely cropped. While I know there are plenty of straight-haired people who compulsively pull their hair, I really do think that my “habit” is exacerbated by the wiry texture of my hair. I don’t think it would be as stimulating if it were silky smooth.
I hate trichotillomania, though. I’d love to be able to grow out my hair a little bit, but I just know it wouldn’t be wise.
Not quite in line with the OP, but my best (male) friend at school in 70s England was the first black pupil at that school. Being the mid 70s he had a modest afro. Our (female) swim coach would often call him over at the start of class and bounce her hand a couple of times on his head. You could see in his eyes just how much he hated this and I felt acutely embarrassed for him. I expect if this happened today she would probably lose her job.
I do play with my curly hair a lot. When short the curls are tight enough that they go sproing! when you pull them. I like my hair, and I even like people touching it! Just not everyone.
When I was young, I certainly wanted pin straight long hair. That was what was in. Nobody who was anybody had curly hair. There wasn’t even curly haired products on the market. I grew up in the era of Christie Brinkley, and I’ve said this before, but I did want to be a blond white woman.
Similar story here - I had a colleague with thick, shiny, black hair (we’re both white). I asked her once if I could touch it, and was surprised when she said “THANK YOU so much for asking first - people always touch my hair without permission, and it really bugs me.” I can’t imagine anyone being so rude, but apparently it’s common.
I, like many others mentioned in this thread, used to have long-enough-to-sit-on hair. Strangers touched it without asking all the time. People are just curious about unfamiliar features. I remember in elementary school the black girls used to work out elaborate schemes to decide who got to play with the longest white-girl hair in the class during story time.
And I agree that female friends touch each others’ hair fairly often–the younger they are, the more often they do it. We are apes. Shared grooming makes us happy.
I watched enough Oprah at a young enough age to know to never touch–or comment on–a black woman’s hair. Hadn’t ever touched black hair until last summer, when I was hanging out with my cousin’s daughter (who is black) and she asked me to work out a tangle for her. I enjoyed feeling the different texture. Glad I had a chance.
I agree with all of this. I used to wear my hair in many plaits. It would get yanked on and people would stick things in it. That was unpleasant to say the least. When I wore my hair out, people were mesmerized. Like they didn’t expect it to be as long and thick as it was, so naturally they wanted to touch my hair. I wish I was more vocal about it then but sometimes people get in their feelings when you tell them no.
It got worse after my big chop. When it was shorter, they couldn’t resist touching. It was as if they needed to feel where my hair had been. Of course, most of those people were family. I can’t be rude like that to them no matter how rude they were being about chopping off my “good hair.” It’s a shitty situation to be in.
To answer the OP, if I have a good relationship with you, I’m generally ok with you not asking as long as you keep it brief. There are very few people who I’ll allow to touch my hair for any longer than a few beats. If I don’t know you and you touch without asking, then you better back the fuck off. That is not acceptable and is rude as hell. Even still, if I’m a stranger to you (or even a passing acquaintance), why are you trying to touch my hair? It’s hair. Do you see me wanting to touch yours? No? Then back the fuck off. Jennifer was being very nice about it, but she may be more comfortable with that than I or other black women.
I’m not going to try to speak for everyone everywhere in the UK but I don’t believe it’s a thing here. I suppose we are just more inhibited about touch in general. As a data point I have a mixed heritage (Indian/English) friend whose hair is very tightly curled and springy. It was at least 15 years before I asked if I could touch her hair and she was talking about her hair at the time.
Because some are idiots? I’m white but my hair is long, wavy and red and I’ve had more women touch my hair without permission than I can count. As a kid I foolishly thought it was because I was a kid and they wouldn’t dare do that to another adult, but I was wrong.
