OK, here’s the thing. When someone walks away, the conversation is over. And when they are no longer in the room, they can’t hear you! So shut the fuck UP!
That goes for phone conversations, too. When someone has you on hold, they can’t hear you! That means you should stop talking. He can’t hear that you’re soooo hungry, and that you wish he’d pick up again, and what’s taking so long, and how dare they keep you on hold this long, and it makes you want to scream. Guess what? He probably wouldn’t care if he could hear you, you ignorant twat. 'Cause I can hear you, and I couldn’t care less.
I don’t understand what’s so difficult to grasp here. You’re probably one of those people who screams at the TV during Jerry Springer, as if the drunken inbred reprobates on that show are going to be shamed by your comments. Or do you yell at the movie screen (as your cell phone is ringing) when you know the killer is behind the door, waiting for the moment to pounce on the nubile young starlet? Shut up.
That goes for talking to yourself in general. I don’t like to hear the status of everything you’re doing. I don’t give a shit that the copier is acting up. Fuck off about the goddamn UPS guy. Like I care that you’re going to the bank. So the person who just called had a wrong number; do I give a rat’s ass? And shut the fuck up about your computer not working right, when the problem is that you can’t use it correctly.
Do you want me to go utterly insane, and make it impossible for you to speak at all? Is that what you want? Go ahead, have these emotions. I’m not saying these things shouldn’t annoy you. But when they do, you don’t have to open your fucking mouth to tell the air around you. Sound travels, and maybe the entire office doesn’t want to know that your car is acting up again. Keep it quiet, or at least go talk to your buddy down the hall, where I can’t hear your blithering rantings.
In short, shut your festering malodorous gob, you blinkered Philistine pig-ignorant tit! (OK, so maybe that wasn’t so short.)