Who cares for personal care monkeys?

So I was reading a disaster preparedness pamphlet the other day and I learned that if there is a natural disaster or nuclear catastrophe, you should not count on your personal care monkey to assist you. The pamphlet said (no kidding) something like “your personal care monkey will be too traumatized and frightened to render aid.”

I must admit, I’m disappointed to hear that they’re a bunch of wusses who fall apart at the first sign of trouble. I had planned on keeping a half dozen in the basement, outfitted with little hard hats and flashlights, ready to spring into action when the big one hits.

But on to my question: On an everyday basis, before disaster strikes, who cares for personal care monkeys? Presumably the person they help can’t do much for them, so are they so fully independent that they need no human assistance? Or is there some sort of service that comes by to check up on them?

Nobody knows about the care of personal care monkeys? I find that hard to believe.

Helping Hands makes a lifelong commitment to its monkeys. This commitment includes ensuring that the monkeys live in appropriate, loving, and stimulating homes, and that they receive the highest quality of medical care for their entire lives. A group of skilled veterinary and human physicians oversees the nutritional, behavioral, and health needs of all Helping Hands monkeys and provides specialized care and treatment when needed. As monkeys age, and as some retire, Helping Hands continues to provide for all their needs.
They probably won’t let your post-apocalyptic simian goon-squad of love fester in the basement as planned. If you live in a flood-prone area, try to concentrate on sharks with lasers. Otherwise, try dingos with lasers.

It seems obvious to me that the needs of personal care monkeys could best be served by a set of auxiliary, personal care monkey care monkeys. These personal [care monkey][sup]2[/sup]s would be trained to handle the day to day needs that personal care monkeys are unable to handle for themselves, and, since the needs of personal care monkeys and personal care monkey care monkeys are so similar, they can also care for each other, obviating the potential need for personal [care monkey][sup]3[/sup]s.

As usual when making posts of this sort, I must apologize for having nothing useful to add to the conversation.

What if you aren’t disabled? Can you still get a monkey?

I want a helper monkey.

My monkey’s more personally careful than your monkey.

Obviously this calls for a fleet of highly-skilled backup lemurs.

Or an escape artist named Yorick.

Wait, am I the only one astonished that this wasn’t just a Simpsons joke? There really *are * helper monkeys?

I knew him well.

If personal-care humans evolved from personal-care monkeys, would personal-care monkeys still be around?

Seriously, though, this sounds like a really cool program, and this is the first I’ve heard of it.

After reading through the link provided above I’ve concluded that these people are telling the truth and I’ve donated money to them now. Rock on Helper Monkey people. :cool:

This can’t be cheaper than hiring an equally qualified human to do the same thing, can it?

I’m supposing that the helpful little monkey will be there 24/7 ( you know, unless it gets an evening off to go to the cinema or something), which I think might be less intrusive (and, yes, cheaper), than having a human person in one’s home all the time.

They do exist, though, (but perhaps not the “monkey butlers” of our much missed poster Homer.

Sure it can. According to their solicitation for donations, $35,000 will sponsor a monkey from “breeding through the complete placement cycle”. It isn’t quite clear that that covers the monkey’s entire lifetime, but it sounds like the ongoing costs once the monkey is placed are small by comparison.

That’s a lot of money, but compared to salaries and bennies incurred every year, even for a poorly paid home care assistant . . . much less the three or four such people you would need for evening and weekend coverage . . . well, there is no comparison.

Maybe. Depends on what “once the monkey is placed” means. Sounds like they want their cake and eat it too. There’s “Helping Hands makes a lifelong commitment to its monkeys. This commitment includes ensuring that the monkeys live in appropriate, loving, and stimulating homes, and that they receive the highest quality of medical care for their entire lives. A group of skilled veterinary and human physicians oversees the nutritional, behavioral, and health needs of all Helping Hands monkeys and provides specialized care and treatment when needed. As monkeys age, and as some retire, Helping Hands continues to provide for all their needs” vs. the $35,000 figure.

I did say “equally qualified”, not sure how that stacks up against “home care assistant”. I mean, come on, they’re monkeys.
Still your point is taken.

I do like the reference to Homer’s OP though.

Just remember,
MONKEY
HAtE
CLEAN

I don’t know where monkeys come from… I don’t know how they reproduce… I don’t know how they eat. But I do know one thing: they were born to clean bathrooms.
My bathroom’s monkey clean and monkey fresh!

CMC fnord!
Warning: link opens directly to video, really loud video!

Finally, the voice of reason!

:smiley:

In a triumph of modern cybernetics, the household needs of personal care monkeys will of course be dealt with superbly by robot monkey butlers. :stuck_out_tongue:

And $250k will let you name one of the four major areas of the whole program. For just a quarter mil you could have the “Pray for Mojo Training Center”.