Who changed your life?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My friend B’s birthday is on Saturday, so I thought I would start a thread in his honor.

At twenty two, I am just now “coming out”. I’ve been telling people for years that I’m queer; with the exception of some friends from high school, everybody knows. Heck, I work with a gay chorus, subscribe to gay magazines, etc.

But until this past year, I never acted fully on my feelings. I had a two day relationship with one girl almost three years ago, and that was enough to spend me spinning for a year and a half.

One Friday night, B and I were working late at the office, and I told him I was tired, and wanted to go home. What I did, however, was go downtown, and stood two blocks outside of a popular lesbian bar. It was there that I got major cramps, like a panic attack gone really, really wrong. I didn’t know what to do, I had come all the way downtown, and I needed a push, not comfort.

I called B at work. He told me to get my ass in the bar and grow up. It wasn’t the greatest experience (I’ve had much better since), but I did it. That night, I got home, and there was an email waiting for me, with the two sentences that I will teach to my children. I printed it out, and stuck it in my memory book.

“Don’t be afraid. What a waste of time.”

Happy Birthday, B. You are amazing!

2

Awesome advice, regardless of the situation. Thanks for sharing.

Just curious, what does your user name mean?

3

My grandmother completely changed my life. When I was 8, I was a mess of a kid - I had the ultimate dysfunctional family, I was failing in school, I was a troublemaker, I even got suspended twice. At the time, she was watching us every day before and after school, but she asked my mom if she could have me for the summer. My mom said yes (just to get me out of the house, I think), and so I went to stay with my grandmother.

She immediately made me join a summer reading group, forced me to read a book a day, and gave me a semblance of a normal life. By the end of the summer, I looked forward to waking up and picking out a book at the library. She shared her love of reading for me, and it taught me that there were all sorts of lives out there - all sorts of possibilities - that I could be more than my father, more than his alcoholism and abuse - that thousands of options were availible to me if I used my imagination, my mind, and if I believed in myself.

From that summer on, my entire life changed. I read everyday even after I went home, I applied myself in school, I began - slowly - to believe in myself, and I distanced myself from my family enough to understand that my father’s disease would only affect me if I let it. By the time I started high school, I had complete confidence in my intelligence and my mind and knew that I was capable of being or doing anything.

She died when I was 16, but I find myself missing her more and more lately, as I’m dealing with some childhood issues (mostly trust or lack thereof). I’ve been trying to focus on the lessons she taught me so many years ago, and I certainly appreciate her guidance now more than I ever did when she was alive.

Thank you, Gramma.

4

My husband completely changed my life. He taught me how to forgive and let go of painful memories. He taught me what committment means and that I’m worth loving.

He also changed my life by being the partner in making and raising our child. That is definately the most life-altering experience I’ve ever had.

I’m feeling mushy for him today, I love him very much.

5

It’s hard to pick a single person. I think that the people who have, as a group, really affected me are my friends C, K, S, R, and M. C didn’t directly teach me anything, but it was a learning experience. K once again didn’t really directly give me anything except for friendship and love, but I learned just how important those things are when they are real. S has showed me how incredibly important and wonderful friends who can listen are. R allowed me to look at myself in a way that I hadn’t before, that allowed me to really see what I wanted of myself. M has also shown me the value of friendship. Most importantly though, she helped me understand how pointless fear and worry are - and how important it is to laugh at everything, even the serious stuff. It’s possible to laugh seriously at something. It’s a good way to put things in perspective. I’m very grateful to her for laughing at me when I need it, and listening seriously to me when I need that.

6

Metalhead, my user name comes from a quote from the late poet and AIDS activist, Paul Monette. “Live without hate, but not without rage. Heal the world.”

7

Okay, this is gonna sound stupid, but it’s true and this really did change my life. The person who changed my life was a random limo driver.

In February 1998, I was going to visit my mom. I was in college at the time - History major, English minor. I needed a ride from my dorm at Northern Illinois University to Ohare, but couldn’t find anyone to drive me. With what little money I could scrape up, I ordered a limo to take me (it was like $50, not bad).

Well, the guy picks me up and we talked pretty much the whole way. When we were pretty close to the place, he happens to mention to me that he had a degree in History from Northern Illinois University. Yep, that’s right. He explained his situation, what his options had been …

…and the following week, I changed my major from History to English. One of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Influenced the people I met at school, the people who became my best friends. It influenced the job that I have. It influenced where I live now through the job.

So, even though he didn’t know it, he had a pretty profound impact on my life.

8

My partner, Alex B, has changed my life. He’s supported me, made me think, stuck with me through some very difficult times, accepted me, taught me that it’s okay to shout back. I won’t go into detail, suffice to say that I’d be a very, very different person if it weren’t for him and I mean that in the best possible way.

He inspires me, encourages me, and I love him very much.

9

My son changed my life. I got pregnant as an accident, at a fairly difficult time in my life and my marriage. My husband spent most of my pregnancy behind bars. He returned a month before I delivered, and after I gave birth I fell back into an old smack habit because of his influence. I spent most of my son’s first two months stoned to the point of unconsciousness. :frowning: When my husband left again–this time for good–I got high one more time and ODed, a “friend” pounded on my chest to get me breathing again instead of just tossing me out onto the curb (something I’ll be forever thankful for). I went home that night and looked down into my son’s face and just lost it. Here I was out seeking some kind of artifical, external peace when the very embodiment of unconditional love was right there under my nose in the form of this beautiful, lovable, totally dependant baby. I knew that I wanted to give him so many things, but that I’d never be able to if I didn’t get my shit together. I begged him to forgive me, and I promised him that I’d never do anything ever again to risk separation from him. It sounds trite, but without him I’d probably be dead. He didn’t just change my life, he saved it.
Thank you Philip, mommy loves you more than you’ll ever know.
bella