I have kept many of them, as well as some “if only”-type poetry a married co-worker slipped in books he lent to me (nothing ever happened, and I made it clear that nothing would/could, but there was a bittersweet quality to the method of communication and the poetry itself that was…intoxicating. Whoo. Whole 'nother thread). I also keep birthday cards from my parents and grandparents, and notes from my grade-school friends. Sometimes I wish I had kept more of that stuff - sometimes I wish I had thrown it all away. But I do enjoy re-reading it from time to time.
I used to save all e-mail correspondence from certain people, but in job moves I’ve ended up deleting most of it. I really liked re-reading the lengthy e-mails my boyfriend and I sent to each other during our “courting” phase. It would remind me why I just like the boy so much. Ah, well.
I’ve kept some, ditched others. every couple of months I test how over I am of my last break up with my archive. When they stop making me smile and cry off they go.
On a funny note, my So recently forwarded back to me the first e-mail I sent him. He had posted his e-mail address saying he was looking for new gamers for table top RPG. Its an entirely different tone from teh communication we have now. Made me laugh.
I still have mine, though I almost destroyed them when a girlfriend got jealous because I kept the letters. I agreed to destroy them if she would destroy all of the letters she had from her last boyfriend, which she wouldn’t do, so I kept mine. She later ran off with someone else, so I’m glad I did not trash my little hoard of memories.
As long as he’s not created a shrine of pictures and letters, doesn’t drag them out and show me how much better looking his ex is than I am (this really happened once), and doesn’t read them every night before bed, I have no problem with it. Some of us are memento people, is all. I’ve re-read them twice - both times in preparation for a move.
I’ve saved a few here and there, but only the ones that I felt had something to remind or teach me. I saved the set of weird poetry one of my first boyfriends wrote me when we broke up. I have various emails from my most recent ex-boyfriend saved up, including a couple he sent in anger during one of our infrequent fights.
The note saved that means the most to me was anonymous. My senior year in college, I was studying with some friends in the library for a mid-term the next day when I saw something land on my backpack. It was all folded up like the notes we used to pass in 7th grade, complete with the instructions “Read me!” The note itself was pretty short – just that I looked like an attractive and fun person to be around and to do well in my studies. It was signed “Secret Person”. When I turned up to look, this Secret Person had disappeared into the stacks. The note made my day, which is why I saved it.
I still have all mine, from Junior High on. I even have a lot of the notes my friends and I passed around during class (very intricately folded, of course!). The best one is a poem my first-kiss boyfriend wrote me, saying my (hazel) eyes are like sapphires. It was awfully cute, but I have to admit that I laughed at that even at the time.
I have a couple of Jr. Hi-era “secret admirer” letters, and a bunch of emails from my most significant ex-boyfriend, when we were breaking up (wow, that’s powerful stuff to even re-read!)
And I’m with Gundy – If my husband has stuff from his past SOs, he’s not making a shrine out of it, so I’m okay.
During the late part of 1998. I had a long distance relationship with a girl who was coming to America as an exchange student from NZ. Eventually, we discovered her posting would be about an hour from whereI was living, so the relationship intensified (if she had gone 6- 7 hours away…probably would have broken it off). I got some very nice letters during that time. Eventually, she arrived and for most of the year that she was here it was magical, and I got several more letters. Eventually, the relationship broke off very painfully and with a lot of animosity. For some reason, I still held onto the letters though. When I moved out of my apartment back home though, I destroyed them. I don’t know if I was just saving space or leaving the past in the past, but I didn’t want a new start (I wasn’t doing so well up there, but that’s a whole other thread) to have any more strings attached.
I haven’t received any since, but then again, I haven’t had a solid relationship since my return from Erie, so I suppose that explains that
Some, yes. Destroyed the high-school, early-college ones from a four year relationship that ended. We were both so compulsive we wrote long notes every damn day, and whenever we were together, the first thing we would do would be to exchange notes and read them to catch up on each other’s thoughts.
Eventually, we drifted apart and I ended up marrying her college roommate. Had 24 years with her before she died, and some of my most precious posessions are the five letters that she sent me when we spent a summer apart. They are going to mean a great deal to the kids someday as well.
So yes, don’t throw them away just because you’re married to the person now. They can be incredibly precious when you love is gone.
