Just checking in to update: I texted bro about an article in the news that would affect him(landslide on one of our beaches). Part peace offering, partly to convey “business as usual” between us. He answered and we haven’t communicated since. I admit that my text to him was partly so I can say I’m not the one who cut off contact. As the fresh hell of the tariffs is unfolding, all I can think is “told you so, ass”. Don’t know if I’ll ever get the opportunity to say it, but I take a bit of pleasure picturing him fretting over every grocery item, freaking out over the price of gas. I hate that I feel this way. The only thing sadder (to me) than losing my country is losing my peeps, but that’s how it’s gonna be for me.
Don’t worry your pretty little head. Any pain from the tariffs will be directly attributed to Biden, so your bro can feel some satisfaction in that his hero (and what’s a hee-ro, anyway?) is not to blame! /s
I didn’t interact too much with my extended family…but that’s all done.
Multiple friends…even my oldest friend of over 30 years.
One of the last interactions we had included this- “My parents are good people!” “No they aren’t. They are actively working to make life harder for your children and for other people you say you care about. Love them, sure…but don’t tell me they are good people.”
One tactic I’ve learned in dealing with MAGA - whether family or otherwise - is not to argue, but instead, calmly say firmly, “You know you’re wrong. It’s just that you won’t admit it.”
oops delete
I just like to say “Explain that.” Whenever they use a dog whistle or code or just say some inane fake “fact.”
They might be able to make it one level in before they resort to a new code/dog whistle/lie…so when you ask them again to “Explain that” they will get frustrated and drop it or yell about “You have google don’t you!”
Yep, it reminds me a bit of the flat earthers’ thing of it being a “personal journey” and you need to find the facts for yourself. i.e. Nothing I believe in stands up to scrutiny, but if you read bitchute as often as I do, you’ll hopefully become a believer.
You must have much less aggressive MAGA relatives than my ex-BIL.
A comment like that would have just infuriated him and would have been like pouring gas on a fire.
I agreed with Velocity’s tactic but would add: …Then turn and walk away.
My ex-BIL would follow.
Which is why I’d never actually follow Velocity’s advice.
I’ve recently discovered that a friend is a Trump supporter. I’ve known him for over 15 years. We worked together for 10 years and for the past 5 have been in a retired co-workers’ lunch group that gets together several times a year. Recently, Facebook suggested an old co-worker Scott to be a friend. Scott is an asshole and a huge Trumper so I thought I would check out his page to see what the delusional idiots were saying. I was very surprised to see my friend Dennis liking all his pro-Trump and Elon posts. And agreeing with social attitudes I just never imagined he held.
I feel really betrayed that he has been deceitful all these years. I’ve gone back over conversations we’ve had and realized that he never really talked about what he believed but would just go along with the rest of us (all liberals). I do remember that when we first met, he told me that he was a Republican but that the Bush admin had soured him on that. I don’t know that he ever said he voted for Obama or Hillary or Biden. I just assumed that he did, again because he always seemed to agree with whatever was being said. I considered that he is just someone who doesn’t want to get into politics but he hasn’t liked my anti-Trump posts, so he is not playing both sides. I’m sure he never thought I would see Scott’s page.
I haven’t contacted any of the others in the lunch group yet. I’ll have to since there is no way I will hang out with him now. I’m wondering if they knew or will be surprised. Either way if they want to continue the lunch group with him, that’s ok. I can see them other times. But I can’t see him. There is no way I can just go along and be polite with the way things are now.
I’ve written the message I’m going to send him but haven’t sent it yet. I will talk to our other friends before I do just to give them a heads-up. It’s sad that this is happening. I’ve taken care of his cats when he traveled and I really like his cats. But I’m watching the country be destroyed and I take that very seriously. I won’t be friends with someone who is cheering it on.
Was it really “deceitful” if he just kept quiet his political views when politics came up, especially amongst a group where he was the outlier? Maybe he just wanted to, ya know, hang out with some people with a shared experience. If you had any value for the friendship, you’d meet him face-to-face and ask about it, and not just cut him off with a terse email. Maybe he hung out with the MAGA guy occasionally and liking dumb stuff on Facebook was how he stayed in good graces over there. Maybe he’s just conservative. I wont tell you what to do, but it’s not like he was in your face about politics (like my brother I posted about above) - you found out something accidentally and by coincidence. Maybe just ask him what’s up and share your views, and if y’all decide to part ways, thats fine, but just cutting someone off without them actally doing/saying something to you?
Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I needed that perspective. And betrayed is a strong word but I do feel deceived. I’m still trying to work it out in my head. I’m seriously worried about the country and to see someone I thought I knew saying that the chaos is a great thing and laughing at cruel jokes makes me angry. Does it make it better if he only says things so the MAGA guy will like him? I don’t think he believed that the group would be hostile to his opinions. We’re liberals, not fanatics. Anytime in the last 15 years he could have added his perspectives to the conversations. I’m still processing all of this. Writing it out here helped.
I was just thinking earlier that I have experience breaking up with boyfriends but I’ve never broken up with a friend before. It’s a situation I’m going to have to put more thought into.
It makes sense. I have friends I’ve known since before the rise of Trump that are just conservative, and have some views different from mine. We acknowledge the differences and move on, and enjoy doing thing together, even now. After the election none of my conservative friends mentioned the outcome until I brought it up, they didn’t really want to talk about it, either. Only my brother felt the need to celebtate and rub my face in it.
I just think we shouldn’t ensconce ourselves in a bubble, and that it’s okay, and maybe even important, to have friends with differing viewpoints, as long as everyone is respectful. I’d say half the people I know are more conservative than me on some things, and others more progressive. Few are 100% aligned with me on everything - how boring would that be?
Yeah, IMO going-along-to-get-along isn’t really deceit, it’s something pretty much everyone does in social situations where they don’t agree with the majority but also don’t think it’s worth getting in an argument over. It might make sense to have a frank one-on-one conversation, but you should be prepared for the likelihood that he will see himself as having spent years going the extra mile by keeping quiet about his beliefs in order to be polite.
In my experience (more of it than I’d care to admit), this situation doesn’t demand any sort of active ‘breakup.’
You can simply let it fade away by inaction and withdrawing from the other person.
As often as not, you won’t be called on it (“How come I never hear from you anymore??”), and you’ll preserve the right to renew the relationship if things change at some later date.
I’ve burned bridges before. I generally regret it later.
I think for me, it wasn’t so much the second Trump administration, as it was that the first one was kind of like the motion detector picking up some lunacy- I don’t remember it being much of a contention in my life in 2016, honestly. Some voted for him I’m sure, some didn’t. Those that made a lot of noise about it seemed kind of unhinged at the time.
But it was the pandemic that really broke a lot of stuff in my personal relationships. The level of willful denial of science and general selfishness that some people displayed in the face of the pandemic and all the unknowns really caused me to reevaluate why I would keep up with some of these people. And when they were perfectly fine with politicizing it all (masking = liberal plot to control you!), that was when I was out.
Since then, it’s just been the usual suspects on Facebook (I haven’t really removed anyone from here; I don’t want an echo chamber of just people I agree with) saying the same tired nonsense.
I will say that I have noticed a pretty strong level of denial on the part of conservative but not insane people w.r.t. this just having been another election and he’s not doing extra-constitutional stuff, etc. Which dismays me; I would have thought a lot of these people would have recognized the threat that the Project 2025 people and the autocratic tendencies of the first Trump administration pose. But they seem to have unwavering faith in the institutions that they’re trying to subvert- the SCOTUS won’t let him do X, Congress won’t let him do Y, type thinking.
But it sounds like this guy is not sharing his thoughts with the group? He’s just sitting and nodding along. That isn’t doing anything to expand the bubble. So, I don’t see the particular value in staying friends with him unless he has some other really sterling qualities.
I’m generally on board with this. This situation, however, is way past disagreeing about “politics”. We’re not debating the tax rate; these are moral, existential issues. I have never had much of an issue with folks that lean right, but anyone who’s happy about what this administration is doing is, in my opinion, immoral.