I ate the last mango in Paris
Took the last plane out of Saigon
Took the first fast boat to China
And Jimmy there’s still so much to be done
Lyrics from <a href=“http://www.elyrics.net”>eLyrics.net</a>
My story? Okay. It was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin’ on the porch with my family, singin’ and dancin’ down in Mississippi…
My life has been a great disappointment. When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up to be a Pygmy, but my parents wouldn’t let me.
I’m still mad I’m not a spaceman.
My life would be considered quite uninteresting by an observer, but it has been largely pleasurable to me, and human consciousness is interesting enough in itself I find.
I suppose you’ll want to see all the scars?
The details of my life are quite inconsequential … Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year-old French prostitute named Chloé with webbed feet. My father would womanize; he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament … My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon … luge lessons … In the spring, we’d make meat helmets … When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds — pretty standard, really. At the age of 12, I received my first scribe. At the age of 14, a Zoroastrian named Vilmer ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum — it’s breathtaking … I suggest you try it.
From the Austin Powers movie… 
I think my life has been pretty interesting:
-When I was 18 I spent the summer boxing the amateur circuit of the New Orleans area. I also had a dalliance with a 29 year old woman who, shortly after, went to prison for attempted 2nd degree murder for shooting her female lover (I’m a dude, by the way).
-When I was 20 I almost drowned while caught in a riptide during Spring Break at South Padre Island.
-After college I joined the Navy and spent 5 years as a submarine officer. I qualified and stood all the watches a junior officer can qualify for, was onboard for some top-secret stuff in the Indian Ocean, was onboard for a serious collision with a 50,000 ton Turkish freighter in the Persian Gulf, spent a month in Bahrain getting repairs and getting to know the seedy side of the tiny, ostensibly fundamentalist island.
-After I left the Navy I spent a couple of years traveling, including several months in Honduras exploring and learning Spanish. Late one night I got attacked by 3 youths who tried to rob me, armed with bottles and rocks, and successfully fought them off. I was also inspired to write a novel, and started to write.
-After coming home, I traveled a bit in the US, met a girl in Las Vegas, and got my heart broken.
-After the heartbreak I decided it was time to live like a responsible adult, got a job with a defense contractor and moved to the DC area. Here, I met my wife, got married, and bought a home. I also recently published my first novel, and am working on two more.
I’ll let you know when it’s over.
In the beginning I created the heavens and the earth… It was pretty good, IMHO…
I could tell you but you would then be depressed about just how boring your life really is.
A hear stories about a kerfuffle with Billy DeLyons and a hat all the time…
True; but I don’t like to make a song and dance about it.
Cool!
Well,** iiandyiiii**, all those things you did finally paid off, didn’t it? Came in like a Wrecking Ball thinks you’re cool. Okay, maybe I overstated a bit: Came in like a Wrecking Ball thinks your life sounds cool. He even made it a complete sentence, with an exclamation mark and everything.
Absolutely. My life is complete. This is the big payoff, and boy, was it worth it!
I can’t share my life story because it ain’t over yet!
This…
But I am closer to the end than is comfortable now. :eek:
You and me both! 
Yes, much of it has been quite interesting. With that said, there was also a certain amount of feeling discombobulated.