The remote isn’t an issue in my house, but the can opener is. I operate the can opener, since my cat doesn’t have opposable thumbs.
Our feline overlords must have attended the same training camp. Whenever I can’t locate the remote, it’s always under NJ_Cat’s ponderous belly. Without fail. And why is there a porno flick on the screen when I was just watching Saved by the Bell? Because NJ_Cat pressed Play, of course. He was also the one who inserted the tape into the VCR when I wasn’t looking. That’s right. And he must have purchased it too. It’s a possibility!!! Cats have uncanny powers. I suspect they exist pan-dimensionally like mice. Trust me, I know full well why NJ_Cat played porn in the middle of Saved by the Bell. It was his passive-aggressive way of making a snide comment on my purely platonic and aesthetic appreciation for young Mario Lopez. Sarcasm, thy name is housecat!!! Well, I don’t have to take this abuse! I should be able to watch whatever I want without being subjected to constant criticism. If a house is a man’s castle, then surely the remote is his scepter. This thread has aroused my ire!!! Oh, wait. I hear distant mewing. Is NJ_Cat hungry or is that his “My litter box stinks, you lazy motherfucker!” meow? I gotta go. Talk to you later. Damn! Where did I put the remote!!!