In an attempt to inoculate my two six-year-old first-cousins-twice removed from thye upcoming Hobbit movie, I have been reading them the actual book. (I thought about training them to spit every time they hear the name Peter Jackson but decided that was excessive). We’re up to the point when Bilbo rescues the Dwarves from ElvenKing’s dungeons, which means the fourteen of them will be at the Lonely Mountain before long. Thinking about this, something occurs to me:
Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, son of Thror, was a complete nincompoop.
I mean, really. His entire plan for retrieving his people’s fortune was … well, hell, it wasn’t even a plan. It all depended on an extended series of miracles occurring. Now, some may say that he expected Gandalf to get him and his out of the tight spots, but that’s bullcrap. It’s clear from the beginning that Gandalf can’t be arsed to go with them the entire way; they were lucky he stayed with them as far as Mirkwood. And given the enormous size of the hoard they aimed to steal, how on Earth were they supposed to transport it, even assuming they experienced no problems at all before Erebor and that Smaug chanced to choke on a goblet at the very moment they appeared?
Thorin was the most incompetent character in all of Tolkien, I say.
But that’s just me. Anybody else have a nominee?