My husband and I were discussing this question. We could each name numerous friends and family members who would say, if questioned, that they love us. But I tried to really narrow the parameters. Who loves me to the core? Good or bad; if I did something heinous and horrible, who would still love me? (I didn’t think it was a fair question to ask who would give their life for me–maybe that’s fodder for another IMHO thread.) Who would still love me if they had to . . say . . . lie under oath or take me into their home if I was on the run.
Anyway, I have five: my husband, our daughter, my mother, my brother and my mother-in-law. My husband has me, our daughter, his mother, his brother, and one of his sisters.
Who loves you enough to risk their personal well-being on your behalf?
Three: my husband, my ex, and my best friend from highschool.
And another ex, but that would be nothing personal; he just likes people on the wrong side of the law, sticking it to The Man, anyway, and also because there’s enough of a Jewish grandmother in him to love taking in human strays of all walks of life.
I don’t know about my mother, father and brother. They might take me in, but grudgingly, and not if it cost them much trouble. And they would be way to flaky to be of any use in such a situation anyway.
This one’s easy: my husband and my brothers. My husband because he chooses to and because he’s a saint, and my brothers because there simply isn’t another choice–we survived to adulthood because we backed each other up.
My mother? Bah…she’d feed my flesh to wolves and sell my bones for jewelry, all while on her way to church.
Zero. I have friends and family members who love me, but they are all too law-abiding and wimpy to be of any use to me if I were a criminal on the run. They would all want me to turn myself in. I need a more devious set of loved ones.
Hmmm, this is an interesting question. I have a lot of people who love me enough to do almost anything for me, no matter what. Too many to list. However, I have very few who would lie under oath for me. I wouldn’t even WANT someone to lie under oath for me. Have you seen what happened to Marion Jones? Six months! Ack. So, I have either many or zero.
I can’t think of any circumstances which are likely to befall me under which I would ask someone to lie for me under oath. I live under a reasonably fair justice system and have little fear of needing to hide in someone’s attic(a la Jews fleeing Germany in the late 1930’s) and having them lie for me. If I did something which would get me in trouble with the American Justice system, as it is today, I’d expect them to give me moral support and help take care of my family(if they needed it), visit me in the pokey, write me letters, etc.
With the question re-phrased as above, I’d be able to count five sisters, two brothers, two best friends, a sister-in-law, and my mom. I could move in with any of them, borrow money from any of them, etc. I may be able to count some neices and nephews in a few years as they get older(I’m a fun uncle and have good rapport with many of them). Similarly I expect to be able to count my three daughters and two sons, although since none of them are even teenagers yet that may still be premature.
I’m not thinking the situation is likely to occur, but I’ve done some of these kinds of things for most of them at one point or another, so it’s fair to think they’d do the same for me, and the way my family/friends work I’d be suprised if they wouldn’t.
I think even the described circumstance could be narrowed somewhat. I have probably ten people who would lie under oath for me or give me shelter, even at at great personal cost, if they felt I was unduly persecuted. This is nothing to sneeze at. Sure, it’s “justifiable”, but IMO, the people who are willing to risk *anything * on your behalf are keepers.
And then there’s my father and my best friend, to whom I could go and say “So… I got a little cranky and went on a killing spree. My bad.”, and they would not only do anything and everything in their power to help me, and continue to love me, but continue to view me as fundamentally the same person they’ve always loved. Their opinion of me really wouldn’t change. (Because they knew I had it in me anyway. )
My daughter would as well, if I asked, which I wouldn’t. But I assume the willingness is what matters, so she counts.
I’m not sure whether anyone would, with the possible exception of two very good friends. I wouldn’t want to put it to the test. I’d better not go on any killing sprees.
I don’t know that I would say that they love me enough to hide me from the law simply because I don’t think that kind of thing is love. Expecting me to be an adult and take responsibility for what I had done while helping me get whatever medication or psychiatric help I needed is another matter all together. I do have several people who would go out of their way to help me as best as they could in any situation. My parents, my best friend, a few extended family members and my kitties come to mind.
The best example I can come up with of the unconditional love in my family would have to be one night when my mom and I were watching 20/20 and there was a story about a teenage girl who ran away from home and became a prostitute 2000 miles away from everything she had ever known. Her mother found a way to track her down and bring her back home. I looked at my mom and said, “Would you come find me if I ran away from home and became a prostitute like that?”
She looked at me and said, “Yes, I would absolutely come find you and bring you home. I would beat your ass once you got here but I would come find you and bring you home.”
Knowing she loved me enough to say without hesitation she would come find me but would punish me severely for it was a good feeling. She has never hit me once in my 25 years on this planet but I know that I would have been is serious danger of a beat down if I put her through all of the stress, worry and hardship the mother on 20/20 had been through.
My husband really loves me, and would still love me if I did something heinous and horrible. But he would not lie under oath for me or hide me from the law if I did something wrong. The reason he would not do that is because he loves me.
I think that is probably it.
I know that if I ever had to take a bullet for him I would. I wouldn’t cover up his crimes either. Because I love him.
I would hope that nobody would still love me if I did something heinous. The world is made much worse by people who excuse and protect other people who do bad things.
That having been said, I know that my husband would gladly throw himself in front of a bullet for me.
My Darling Marcie might try to shield me but she is almost pathologically honest; if she tries to tell a fib, its written all over her face. My sister might shield me but probably not. Other than that, I’ve got no one or at least no one I would put in that situation.
I still have the 'rents; they would put it all on the line for me, and I for them, but part of the lesson I learned from them is that no one else will. Outside of blood, and in some happy cases marriage/significant otherhood, I believe love is transactional and that it must be earned.
It was a cold realization to learn this. Because of that, and maybe because I have been loved so unconditionally, I have never cared much for earning the love of others.
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