There is a 17 yr old girl who is adopted. She came to me a few months ago and asked me to help her find her birth mother because her adoptive parents were divorcing and she gave me a list of reasons why to look.
In talking with her I felt that she was lonely, depressed, despondant and often not relating to real life. I took her birth mother information but I didnt do anything with it. She was not in a stable position to be searching.
Meanwhile…
She is at my house all the time with my kids. She talks about suicide a lot. My kids have overlooked this talk because they feel she wants attention.
She talks about how her boyfriend beats her up. Why she stays with him I don’t know.
A month ago she overdosed on Nyquil at her boyfriends house. He took her to the hospital and made an excuse that she didn’t know she took too much.
A week or so later she not only bragged about the attempt of suicide, but said next time she would make it work. I believe at this time she asked my kids if they dared her to extinguish her ciggerette out on her wrist. They told her she was an idiot and sure enough she put her ciggerette out on her flesh.
She was at my house last night and was bragging about another suicide attempt. This time she slit her wrists. She had to be taken to the hospital again (by the boyfriend) and he made the excuse the cat scratched her. I can’t believe the hospital would belive that a cat scratched BOTH her wrists opened. She required stiches. Again she said next time her attempt would really stick.
There are many other “strange” incidents but I don’t want to run my question too long. I am concerned. I called the Child Abuse Hotline but they woulnd’t take my report because I did not know if her adoptive father (with whom she lives) was abusing her.
Certainly there must be someone to call and warn about her suicide attempts. I don’t dare approach the adoptive father because I do not know what is going on in the house and I don’t want to catapult her into another attempt.
I told you I can not call the adoptive father because I do not know him or the circumstances at home. It may cause her to attempt again. I woulnd’t want that on my shoulders. To me it’s obvious he is neglecting her as he is not putting the pieces together.
I do not know the adoptive mother or where she resides.
There has to be some sort of service. A 1-800 # I could call.
I don’t have a phone book and the library is closed so I am out of luck to look in the government pages.
I am not an expert on this, but the hospital where she was taken for the wrist-slashing might be a good place to start. They probably have a mental health department you could call. Also I think hospitals have people who are responsible for directing people to various kinds of social service agencies outside the hospital. Why don’t you call their main number or their mental health department and ask them what to do?
There are suicide prevention hotlines that you can call when she’s threatening suicide. (IIRC, you live near Orlando? Here is a list of agencies by location.) Also, you can call 911 if she threatens to do it in your presence or home.
At that point, she can be taken to a hospital where her injuries can be identified as a suicide attempt (instead of a “cat scratch” or whatever) and she can be admitted to a psychiatric facility.
One thing that my father did for a friend that tried to commit suicide (albeit a half hearted attention thing, but an attempt non the less) was to call the POLICE. The police have the ability to put someone under a 24 hour suicide watch. It maybe a good first step and give you a chance to figure out where to go next.
I told you I can not call the adoptive father because I do not know him or the circumstances at home. It may cause her to attempt again. I woulnd’t want that on my shoulders. To me it’s obvious he is neglecting her as he is not putting the pieces together
You sound like a nice lady, unafraid to get involved. The world could use more like you & the girl is verylucky to have you as a freind.
But having said that, based on everything you have posted, and assuming you aren’t leaving something out (like she said “My Dad beats me.”) You really need to call the Dad. Now.
Job #1 is to get her away from the abusive BF who apparently is at best, tacitly aiding the suicide attempts.
You not knowing the situation at home or Dad not “putting the pieces together” or what she might do is all completely extraneous to the situation – you seem to be saying you can’t judge the home situation and so you won’t. That isn’t good enough to cut the Dad out of the serious information you now have. In a theoretical way, it may even be actionable.
I called the suicide prevention in my area and they were unable to help because I do not have the 17 yr olds phone number.
Their suggestion was to call the police NON-EMERGENCY line and report it anonymously. He said this would be his best suggestion since they can’t help me.
Rather then call them, I think I might just drive down to the station. It is not that far from me.
The suicide prevention line asked me if I knew anyone she “trusted” and I confessed “no” The kids in the neighboorhood are really over hearing her talk about wanting to harm herself. They think she was an idiot to try.
I guess that is my next step.
Ya know what really scares me the most? Last week on Tuesday my 13 yr old had a fellow student that died of an overdose. I do not know if it was an “accidental” overdose or suicide attempt.
This lack of regard for life scares the snot out of me.
This girl needs an authority figure in her life to take control of the situation Now. That could be you, it could be the father, perhaps it’s even the BF, who she’s accused of beating her, but has also been the only one to take her to get help when she needs it. This girl is incapable of being in charge of her life right now and needs someone else to run things until she’s straightened out.
So, calling the suicide hotline or whatever is not the way to go. They are an advisor. Advice is not needed. Control of this situation is. The father MUST be notified, and the mother too if possible. You’re not helping by intentionally keeping the father out of the loop. You’re likely hurting the situation by doing that.