For me, I think its in the blood. Two uncles on my Mom’s side never married, still live in the old family house. One cousin, again on Mom’s side is still unmarried at 58.
The pain ebbs and flows.
It is nice to have company. SBMB rules!
I’m a 25 year old female and expect to be mostly single for the rest of my life. The serial monogamist post by Jane D’oh! could have been written by me. When I was 20 or so, I espoused this theory to my then-roommate, who mentioned it to a guy she worked with. He henceforth referred to me as “the slut.” Apparently a woman who’s not dead set on marriage is just a ho. I say mostly because I just don’t see getting married, but expect some relationships here and there. There are multiple reasons why I think this:
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marriage is a freaky idea to me, and I can’t imagine signing on the dotted line that I’ll be devoted to one person for the rest of my life, come hell or highwater
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I’m a liberal atheist, but will probably be moving between small, conservative towns for my career for the forseeable future
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I’m a horseperson, so outside of work I mainly meet other horsepeople. The few who are men tend to be a)conservative/religious b) gay
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The majority of my friends who are my age are gay men
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I’ve been living alone for about two years now, and notice that I get very drained after a few days without solitude, such as when visiting relatives
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I’m tall and strong and wear my hair short, so though I don’t think many people assume I’m gay, I do tend to come off as intimidating, or not “feminine” enough
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I’m shy, don’t walk around with a big smile on my face, and I have a dark sense of humor that not many people get.
I still have my hopes. After all, I would really like to share my life with someone and raise a family with them. It’s just that I’m really starting to wonder.
I didn’t have a relationship of any sort until I was 24 years old, and by then, I was so desperate, that I latched on to a series of men who were really, really bad for me. After the last one, I retreated and decided to spend some time getting my head on straight.
Well, it feels pretty straight now. I like my headspace. I like who I am, how I’m taking care of myself, and the choices I’m making. Trouble is, I feel like the rest of the world has passed me by while I’ve been so busy cleaning out my mental naval lint. Most of my friends are married at this point. More than a couple have kids, and as their focus changes, I am increasingly left on my own.
I know there are fantastic guys out there, men who I get along with very well, and often feel a mutual spark of attraction. Trouble is, the ones I’ve run into are already married. I made that mistake once; I’m not making it again. Ever.
So, maybe I’m not ever going to find someone I can share lives with. It’s a definite possibility, and I’m getting accustomed to it. Of course I’m disappointed. This is not what I wanted or hoped for. However, I am determined to make the best of it. I have a life that I enjoy. I’m not waiting around for some guy to find me.
I guess I have two life plans in mind. One of them is stored in the back of my head for “if”. The other is the one I continually work on to ensure that I am as fulfilled and happy as I can be. For me. I can’t predict the future, but I’ll try my damndest to make it as good as possible.
I tried sending you an email, but the email that Straight Dope has is not correct. Can I have your email address so I can send you this??? Thanks:)
Well, I waded through this thread. :whew:
Heaven knows, I don’t want to piss off Eve, but I have to say that I don’t mind the “You never know what will happen—look what happened to me” posts. Because life is funny like that. Sometimes you don’t know. You think you do, but you don’t. And this applies to more things than love. It can apply to where you will be living in 5 years, what you will look like, or what job you have.
Now, I do understand what Eve is saying. She knows she’ll be alone, the way some of us know that we won’t convert to Islam, or something. Sure, technically, it could happen, but one can be pretty damned certain that they won’t do certain things. (As for me, YES, I am pretty damned certain I won’t convert to Islam, and I’d resent anyone who told me that I would if I “tried” hard enough, or something. Argh!)
With all that said, I have to say this (and please don’t bitchslap me Eve. Please!). For those who are resigned to be single but would prefer not to be, well, there’s hope. Because what are people without hope? Hope is a painful thing sometimes, but it is what everyone has about something. And I think that this thread tells us that there have been others who knew (sadly, regrettfully) that their lives would end up a certain way, and they found out (happily) that the thing that they knew was, in fact, incorrect. And that their tales may give others hope. If they want hope, there is a reason for it. (Their desire for hope separates them from thos who do not want hope, the way I do not want hope that I will convert to Islam.) Does that make sense?
But having hope shouldn’t mean that people should torture themselves with “hope”, or put their lives on hold in the name of “hope”, but just that—there’s hope. And not just in romance, but in all areas of life.
And one more thing—to those of us who have serious self-esteem issues: We are not THAT bad. Many of us will look back in 10 years at the way we look now and realize that we were really OK after all. Too bad we couldn’t realize it at the time. (Of course, there will also be the times when we are mercifully ignorant at how toadish we are, or how dumb we were, but that’s a whole 'nother subject!) I guess I am saying that very often, we are far better off than we allow ourselves to realize, so it’s a terrible waste to not enjoy what we’ve got going when we’ve got it. Does that make any sense? I hope so.
Not all people are unhappy about being single because they somehow feel “incomplete”.
You know how you said that you valued your solitude and (paraphrased) would fight to defend it?
How would you feel if several times a week (or month, or whatever) you were interrupted, or prevented from enjoying your solitude, what if something or someone kept intruding upon it??
Well that is how some of we “unhappily single” people feel when we are “forced” by circumstances to be single.
We long to be with someone with whom the love and companionship is mutual.
Not all of us go around moping and bugging our friends to death, and many of us can even appear to be “happy” or at least content. But that doesn’t mean we don’t miss it and that at times it can get a bit depressing.
Aye, I think that’ll be me. A very shy nerd, with political and philisophical views that would pretty much alienate anyone else.
So, I guess I’ll settle for being “Cool Uncle Nick” if my sister ever has kids. That, or I’ll buy a small skiff and sail off into the Pacific, never to return to land.
