I married my high school sweetheart Laura at 21, divorced her at 22 for Kim, the eighteen-year old blonde I figured would be my mid-life crisis. Stayed with the home wrecking blonde for 4 years of on and off again hell until she dumped me. I vowed that I would only be interested in the next women that jumped into my lap (strip clubs not included).
Shortly after, I met Lisa, a married woman, who just used me for sex for just over a year before she was in an automobile accident. Then a friend of mine got drunk one night and needed a place to crash. I put up a fight as she drunkenly tried to drag me into bed wth her all night until I finally caved in the next morning when she woke up and still wanted to have sex. Next at bat was Miki, she stayed with me for the two weeks prior to her moving to New York City and rewarded me with a few tumbles in the hay. Most recently, Jenn took me home from a bar one night after ten minutes of conversation, and in the morning told me that she was moving to a town 40 miles away in 6 days.
Now at 31, my days are spent working and figuring how to escape work to play golf. Nights are spent in bars with friends trying to lower my golf score. Any energy spent/wasted looking for relationships should be better channeled towards golf. I play 2 rounds a week and still keep up the 60+ hours my boss somehow feels that I owe him. It’s definitely ME time.
Anybody that knows any women moving from the Central Pennsylvania area looking to date before they move, please keep me in mind.
Did you ever know that you’re my hero?
The only people I’ve ever dated have been people of the gender I’m not attracted to. I don’t think I would do it again, but in my early teenage years, it was better than nothing, and being male, girls are more likely to like me than guys, right? As it turned out, though, those relationships were kind of hellish for me.
My biggest problem is my list of stringent requirements for a prospective mate. Any guy I date MUST be willing to forego sex (yeah, right! just try and find a gay man who doesn’t mind being celibate), be reasonably intelligent, be interested in me at least as much as I am in him, and not have any interest in cohabitation.
And than I ask myself what I would do if I ever did get into that elusive long term relationship. First, I’d have to come out of the closet or get used to telling lots of lies. Hoo boy. My family is extremely homophobic, as are many of my friends. I would have to give long explanations when people ask me if I have a girlfriend. I’d rather not cause waves and be disowned by people I care about, thanks.
I’m also afraid of giving up my independence. When I am financially stable enough to do so, I plan not just to travel, but to move frequently (not every few months or anything, but whenever the opportunity comes up) and I don’t want to be nailed down by a significant other.
Although I’m quite capable of loving someone else, what I’m seeing in rereading what I’ve written is that I’m a cold, self-centered person. That doesn’t lend itself to relationships very well.
The only thing I don’t like about being alone for the rest of my life is the lack of true loving romantic sex.
Or any sex, actually, but the loving romantic kind would be preferable.
Hmm, well, right now it certainly FEELS like I’m going to be single from here on in (I’m 42). I’ve had several relationships in the past, including one marriage which ended because my ex left me for another woman.
That was such a blow that I “gave up” then and there, figuring I was “too old” for a man to ever find me attractive again (my ex-husband’s girlfriend was 24, ex and I were both 38 at the time). I “made my peace” with it, so to speak – and since I’d spent most of my adult life living by myself anyway: I lived with a boyfriend for 3 years in my early 20s, then my ex husband moved in with me 10 years later; after dating a year and a half we lived together for two years, got married, and he left me 2 1/2 years later) – it’s not as though I couldn’t be on my own, or enjoy certain advantages to it, such as MaddyStrut does.
HelloKitty says, “I was in no way, shape or form looking for someone to spend my life with. Then, you guessed it…I met him…I can’t emphasize enough how much I really believed I would NEVER meet someone I wanted to spend my life with, let alone have someone feel the same way about me. It amazes me sometimes the path we both took to each other. I was 34 when I met him. So, for those of you that have “given up”, don’t be surprised if the love of your life comes walking around the corner when you least expect it.”
Which is true for me. After my ex moved out, I became REALLY insular (more than usual, I mean. I’ve always been more of an introvert than an extrovert). The only time I’d go out at ALL was when I HAD to, such as for work or to go to class. IRL I only have a couple of friends (they’re enough for me), so OK, occasionally I’d go to their house too, since they visited me sometimes.
The rest of the time I’d spend locked up in my apartment because there was nowhere I felt like going, nothing I felt like doing that I couldn’t do at home (my major hobby is writing Star Trek stories and I’ve got 8 finished novels worth of them so far, with two more in the works and a “new series” bubbling and boiling in my mind) – but I don’t have to go anywhere to do THAT). And, of course, if you almost never go out, then how do you meet anyone to get in a relationship with?
Your friends fix you up with him, that’s how. So after over three years of no relationships at all and in a frame of mind “Even if somehow I do meet someone I’m attracted to, he’ll never reciprocate my feelings,” I got in one (and was just as shocked as HelloKitty that he DID like me, and as of now we’ve been seeing each other for six months – if you could call it that. Mutual attraction and incredible sex when we’re together to have it, almost entirely synchronous mindsets, in terms of philosophical and political views and “life in general” common ground between us (to name a couple of examples, we’re both sarcastic cynics, LOL, we both think “housecleaning is a waste of time,” neither of us have or want kids, etc.) isn’t the problem, but the long distance is.
It’s a long complicated story but the bottom line is that he lives anywhere between 100-300 miles from me depending on whether it’s the workweek or the weekend. So I don’t know if or how this relationship will ultimately work out – and right now is a rough spot which we may or may not pull through. If it doesn’t work out, I happen to feel as miapace does – after knowing someone as incredible as HIM (and he’s the only man who’s ever been in such mental sync with me), I just can’t imagine that I’d ever find another like him, nor could I see being interested in anyone else.
So THIS is why I think it’s a good possibility that I’ll end up single until I die.
Welcome to the boards, Bookish!
Quasi
Oh, I 'spect I will be, though I’m but 25 yet.
Was talking yesterday to a 16-year-old I met at a science fiction club meeting. He asked why I didn’t have a boyfriend, and I said I couldn’t find anybody. He said he thought I was picky – um, without having even heard my criteria. But he’s not usually a twerp, and being so young probably doesn’t understand that once someone like nerdy/geeky me is out of school, it’s really hard to find people even to be friends with, so I didn’t let him have it.
(I do meet a lot of people while working at the library – young mothers and old couples, mostly.)
I do have some criteria that eliminate a large portion of candidates, but I find them absolutely necessary. I’m hardly picky just for the sake of being a snot.
Firstly, because I am female, I require any man who desires a romantic relationship with me to Not Be Gay. You’d think this would be obvious, but gay men appear to be the only non-relative guys who bear any affection for me. I do love them, but, y’know, there are some technicalities, such as I’m not a gay man.
Secondly, I belong to a very small religion. I’d be thrilled to find someone within it, but so far that hasn’t happened. It’s not at all necessary for a guy to believe as I do, and I am happy to have friends of any faith (and no faith, as long as they’re not belittlers), but I don’t think it would work out in the long term to be with someone who had a religion that conflicted strongly with mine, like, say, Christianity. Did I mention I live in the U.S. South? Yeah.
Third, I would like to adopt someday. I will not produce any children with my own genes, being of the opinion that there are more than enough people in the world as it is. I may have to compromise – a stepchild could be okay.
Oh, and I’m fat and geeky. That hampers things a lot.
Ah well, at least I have my imaginary literary boyfriends.
I’ll be alone forever because of the three I’s:
1.) too Introverted to be any good at meeting people (and my interests and hobbies are all solitary ones).
2 & 3.) neither Intelligent enough nor Interesting enough to have anyone want to hang around with me anyway.
As the song goes…Saturday night is the loneliest night of the week. 
Sadly I dont think I will ever get married, I just came from my friends wedding tonight, she is 30, I’m going to be 30 next month and I dont see it happening. I was in a long term relationship before but it seems like this is a losing battle and I have accepted that I will be single because things just never work out the way that i want them to work.
I’m married, but you single folks may find this interesting:
Positively singular - a series of three articles
“Quirkyalones, loners, leather spinsters and urban tribes light the way”
How about a “Single Pride Parade” . I would definitely want to be the grand marshal of that.
I’m a 23 year old male and I haven’t had a girlfriend in about 4 years. That makes me almost cry when I think about it. I’m not the type to approach a member of the opposite sex that I don’t know, and I wish I was. I guess I wish I was the type of guy that was comfortable in the “club scene”, even though I hate it. It’s just that I want (more than anything) to have a REAL girlfriend; someone that I’m there for, and vice versa. I know that eventually something will happen and I’ll find someone, or at least I hope. I just long for the feeling of “being with” someone in every possible sense. Any Colorado girls out there??
I know I’ve got a lot to give, I just need someone to give it to. I think about this constantly and can’t stand the thought of being alone forever. I’ll stop rambling now.
I’m 23 and I’ve never had a real boyfriend or been on a real date. I’ve had pathetic attempts at each but of course nothing ever comes to fruition. My first date was when I was 19 and it was single blind (he saw my picture on my aunts mantle) and I went with my cousin and her friend and the guy was this exchange student from Jamaica. Psh,… we hardly spoke the whole time. My attempt at a boyfriend was another cousin’s co-worker who just wanted to use me, and yet I would fall into his trap every time. I foolishly gave up my virginity to him and my first kiss (at 22)thinking that he must REALLY like me. How naive. He came back this summer and asked me to go with him for the weekend again. I reluctantly said yes because I knew I was going to leave feeling used, but he’s got some hold on me. Well, he hardly paid any attention to me, except when night came and I would equate it to a friend who only talks to you and connects with you when nobody else is around. Needless to say I was correct in my assumption that I felt used and emotionally victimized and when he said goodbye to me at the airport it was pretty emotionless on his end, and I ended up missing him. I think I’ve decided to break all contact with him once and for all.
Anyway, getting back on topic. I feel like there is not anybody out there who would be able to match me. I’m a black female who’s pretty wierd maybe a bit immature at times, but the assumption is “Oh, she’s black so she must be down with it” or “a real hip cat” or whatever (I can’t even come up with cool phrases). So yeah, some decent guys may be tricked into being interested in me simply for that fact, but in the back of my mind I’m like "You’ll be sorely disappointed, my friend, so just stop " . Usually it’s the black guys, but even white guys or even any other race of guys hold that assumption and will come up to me. Then they find out I’m boring, shy, quiet and, probably a dry conversationalist (according me, but I know their thinking it as well) and really quirky and eccentric.
I’m somewhat intelligent, in some domains (I have an honours degree in science), but I have to admit I have no real knowledge or interest in politics, economics, religion or sports. Not only that but I don’t go out much because 1) I don’t have too many friends 2) I have no money and, 3) I live far from the main city.
It used to be in my brain that I couldn’t get a date because I was horribly ugly but since I started working at this temporary job some of the guys have shown some interest, especially this one white dude but just judging by the way we interact I can tell it ain’t going nowhere (we’re running out of things to talk about already). But he’s a good distraction from that other guy which I can’t stop thinking about.
Let’s see. I’m sick of my mom asking why I don’t have a boyfriend and I just know she thinks I might be gay. (why does single = gay ?) I’m sick of seeing couples walk down the street thinking their all that, especially the teenage couples, it’s like “how deep could your relationship be?” And some of you just know their flaunting it! And I’m sick of losers flirting with me and the good dudes always going for the wrong girl…the bubbly, perky, i’ve-got-my-daddy’s-creditcard, majoring-in-communications, wasaga-beach-drunk-weekend type girl.:rolleyes:
I posted and then went back and read all the other posts. Trancey and KittyCat444’s really got to me. There are girls/ladies (whatever term I’m supposed to use at this age) out there that think like this and that might have interest in me but I am far to shy to approach them, and it drives me crazy. I wish I didn’t have this instinct or whatever it is that makes me long for someone of the opposite sex!! Reading all the posts for some reason made me start to cry (I don’t know what’s wrong with me). Actually, I think I do - I’m fucking lonely and it hurts real bad sometimes, and I just feel like dying when I think about being this way for the rest of my life. Sorry all for spilling my guts like this, but, sad is it may sound- I have no one else to do it to. The keys are to blurry to see now and I’m not great at typing, so I’ll go now.
:smack:
ugh. I hate that word. It’s right down there with sellathon in the category “Words which must have been coined by Satan.”
What Eve said.
Eve, I’m guessing that those who’ve torqued you don’t know your tale, but that’s for you to tell.
I’m 36, straight male (leastwise I’ve never found myself attracted to men and I do find women attractive), and I’ve yet to manage so much as a kiss as far as romance is concerned. I want a family - a moderately large one at that - but realistically, I know that it isn’t going to happen. I’m not resigned to it, but I’ve come to terms with it.
That said, lady Dopers in the Luton area are welcome to make contact.
Personally, I don’t need to know Eve’s tale to agree with her. I have a tale all my own that leads me to my reason. Five years ago my “soulmate” (ha) committed suicide and left me and our 3 year old little boy. He told me when he did it, I’d be all my fault and I’d spend the rest of my life living with it. No, I don’t think it’s my fault though, I could have stopped him and didn’t. I chose to remain single because when I fall, I fall hard and it really screws me up, especially falling hard for the wrong person. I just choose not to do it all over again.
I don’t get it.
What about me do people not like?
I personally think I’d be a guy’s dream girl (personality wise, I’m not a hot blonde dumbass).
-
I play Playstation 2 constantly
-
I love cars with a passion, I could sit and talk about them all day
-
I’m hilarious (apparently)
-
I don’t play sports, but I can listen to someone talk about them for hours
-
And I’m not a dumbass! I know things and things about other things. I don’t sit there and giggle like a school girl and say “like” 1000 times a minute. I have an opinion, I’m not a bimbo.
So why?
All I have to ask is why.