I was watching Christopher Lowell this morning, and he seems very excitable and a bit of a wildman. Richard Simmons, OTOH, is kind of weepy, and always on the verge of tears, but he does work out all the time, so he could be pretty strong.
Now, assuming they had a valid reason for fisticuffs, and decided to take it outside, who do you think would win?
Rose
LOL! I needed this thread today, Rose. When I had cable, I was a religious Christopher Lowell viewer. While Richard is quick and spry, he’s been doing the Mexican jumping bean routine for quite a number of years. Christopher, on the other hand, is fairly new on the scene, and is armed at all times with his glue gun and tassels. He could just encase Richard in a cocoon of glue, and throw a few tassels on to give Richard a more festive look. And maybe paint him. Remember, your ceiling is your 5th wall! 
Heh. It’s not too far-fetched to imagine these two would exchange blows…
I think Slythe might enjoy this not-so-great-debate. I’m bouncing it to IMHO.
Personally speaking, I don’t care which of them wins. But if it’s with crowbars, to the death, I wouldn’t be the only person buying a ticket.
Winner takes on Martha Stewart…
Martha Stewart is a She-Hulk and could probably kill either one of them.
Rose
Without a doubt- Christopher Lowell by knockout in less than two rounds.
How could someone as fabulous as Christopher possibly lose to someone with that hair and those outfits? Granted, Richard is very sensitive, but no sense of style…
C’mon, people, haven’t you seen RS on Letterman? That guy has a big nasty mean streak. He’d kick Decorator Boy’s ass up one side and down the other!
Plus, can he use the robotic Richard Simmons from The Simpsons? If so, it’s not even a contest.
“Watch out! His ass is gonna blow!!”
But Christopher Lowell has the advantage of that extra few layers of bone tissue on the front of his head that contributes additional strength to his headbutt.
One good smack from that forehead and the Dreammaker goes down.
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- The last time I saw Richard was on the Today show last year or so, and he had gotten rather pudgy. About the same as me, and for Richard Simmons, that seemed like a lot. He’s also not as young as he used to be, either.
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- Can they use weapons? Like, maybe something representative of their specialties? All I remember Richard selling was those Deal-A-Meal cards (not exactly lethal) but how about if he came out swinging a Thighmaster? Chris could use an art deco table lamp he found in a flea market on the way to the fight! Does anybody have WCW’s phone number? - MC
“Who would win in a fight, Christopher Lowell or Richard Simmons?”
The rest of the civilized world.
You know, I’m reading this thread going, “Who the hell is Christopher Lowell?” Then Smeghead refers to him as Decorator Guy and I know exactly who we’re talking about. And now…Can’t…stop…laughing. This is the most hilarious picture I’ve had in my head for weeks.
::Anouncer voice::
Oh my god, it looks like Simmons has Lowell’s head trapped in his tanktop. Those sequins are going to rub his face right off! But wait, Lowell has grabbed a staple gun and some fabric and is attempting to turn Simmons into a lovely, yet simple, valance. This is unbelievable.
Now, why haven’t they had this pairing on Celebrity Death Match?
I picture these two in a tickle fight until they collapse from exhaustion into each other’s arm.
Let’s never fight again.
Why is this thread funny to you people? Maybe I’m just a little to PC but don’t you guys have anything better to do? Why pit these two guys? This thread is just not subtle enough for me.
Needs2know
I guess I just lack subtlety, but this thread is hysterical.
I don’t think Christopher would want to fight, but Richard would be jealous of his current success as opposed to his own oh, so obvious decline that he would come flying at Chris in a hateful, yet absurd, jealous rage. Christopher, knowing he had no other, more civilized, option but to fight for his life and dignity, would quite quickly, calmly, and efficiently crack Richard over the head with a newly-reupholstered ottoman (it changes the whole feel of the room!), knocking him cold, and then quip about how you can always find a new way to use old furniture.
Gawd, I’m dyin’ over heah!
I think Richard Simmons would win by default. Lowell would die than clash.
Thank you. I’ll be appearing at the Sands all next week!
Needs2know:
I did not start this thread to offend anyone. The reason it’s funny to me, is that these two guys seem like the kind of people who would never fight with anyone, much less each other. Why do some people find Celebrity Deathmatch funny? It’s the same thing.
I’m sorry if I offended you, or anyone else on the SDMB, in any way.
Rose
Why’s it funny?
Oh-dear, Needs2know, it’s funny precisely it is at least a little bit offensive. Speaking as a guy who’s been out for half of my 31 years, the idea of a Celebrity Death Match between these two Big Girly Queens is a riot. That both of them feign some pretense of closetdom is really half the punchline. (We could start the fight just by having one say of the other, “Who the hell does she think she’s kidding?” or “Does she think the whole world is on drugs?”)
Of course, that’s no comment at all on their respective areas of expertise. Miss (“and he wakes up in the Land of Preciousssss!”) Lowell actually has quite a few useful ideas, and Miss “Oprah-before-there-was-Oprah” Simmons has, I’m sure, helped many of the terminally tubby lose some avoirdupois.
Is it nasty to make fun of them for their “failure to adhere to traditional gender roles,” as the overly analytical would call it? Yup.
“If you can’t say something nice, then sit next to me.” Alice Roosevelt Longworth.
They would probably start hugging & kissing.
The viewing public.