Who would you cast in a G.I. Joe movie?

Cafe Society
1

I know we’ve already had a G.I. Joe movie (which I loved but that’s another topic) but suppose the trend of rebooting franchises continues and the next G.I. Joe movie starts from scratch with an all-new cast. Your choices are limited to existing characters only and live actors only. Other than that, feel free to change races/genders/etc.

My picks:

Cobra Commander: Gary Oldman. If Gary Oldman led an army bent on world domination I’d totally join it.

Storm Shadow: Daniel Dae Kim. I know he’s Korean not Japanese but after his performance as Johnny Gat in the Saints Row games I’d love to see him get his ninja on.

Stalker: Samuel L. Jackson. He’s played soldiers before and this gives him an opportunity to declare “I’ve had it with these muthafuckin’ Cobras on this muthafuckin…!”

The Baroness: a hot chick who looks good in tight leather. Who could that possibly be? Ah, how about Angelina Jolie, a natural fit! She’s probably already got the outfit.

Of course, there’s many many more Joes and my list doesn’t even begin to encompass all the possibilities out there… What do the rest of the Dopers think?

2

I’ve said this before, but I actually thought that Cobra Commander was played by Gary Oldman in the movie. Then the whole origin story was revealed and I thought “that was Joseph Gordon-Levitt? You’re kidding me!”

3

I think this falls under the category of semi-obligatory.

4

Scarlett is Scarlett Johanson. There is no argument here. At all. I can’t even imagine trying to think of a better choice. Why would you?

5

It should be an Adventure Team movie set in the 70s. With Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn, and Will Ferrall.

6

For GI Joe, you need the woodenest, emotionless actor possible. I hear Ashton Kucher is the new Tom Cruise.

7

I 'd like to see Christopher Meloni as Flint. I read some website somewhere saying John C. McGinley should be Wild Bill. I don’t know about that, but I’m a fan of McGinley in any case.

And Scarlett should be with Snake Eyes, not Duke or Ripcord. That is all.