Who'd win: Yoda vs Kosh

Cafe Society
1

Welcome, Fantasy Fight fans, to another edition of Intergalactic Championship Fights. Tonight’s main event is one for the ages. In the red corner, from parts unknown, standing about three feet tall, weighing in at maybe 45 pounds, he’s a Jedi Master, and the Force is with him (but lightsabers are banned from ringside)…

YODA

And his opponent, in the blue corner, from the Vorlon Homeworld, height unknown, weight unknown, true form unknown, he’s got diplomatic immunity, he is…
Kosh Naranek

Your referee, Mills Lane, taps his nose twice, and calls for the bell…

[Ding Ding]

2

Yoda exclaims “Your ass I have kicked! Won, I have!” as he holds his lightsaber high over his head…or at least that’s what he thinks he’s doing. In reality, he sits in the corner with his eyes rolled up and he drools onto the mat, as Kosh silently glides out of the ring and out of the stadium.

3

Without a lightsaber, Yoda is toast. Both will spout incomprehensible garbage at each other for a few minutes, then Kosh will open up his encounter suit and go all glow-ey on Yoda’s green ass.

With a lightsaber, Kosh is canapés in seconds.

4

Is Kosh even necessarily corporeal? I mean, I remember when we do see Kosh(Kosh 2, I think) fully out of his suit and not putting on a form. It was really late in B5, but I didn’t think he had to even have a body.

5

Yoda. I have based this decision on the fact that I’ve actually heard of Yoda.

6

He had enough of a body to catch someone who was falling.

7

Yeah, but I thought he could solidify himself. I guess I’m wrong, though. I’m thinking of back when he and…another Vorlon or something fought? It was really late in the show.

8

Kosh would win. You would not understand why.

9

They’d fight with words. Yoda backwards would say things. Kosh would comment on the migration patterns of spoo. Then they’d both walk out of the arena.

No one would ever know who won.

10

I didn’t even know those little balls made out of rubber strings had a last name.

11

Kosh Naranek

12

Out of his suit - he looks like a skinny white guy:

Definitely Yoda FTW!

13

Yoda is an Old One, about on a par with the Mimbari (though he’d probably fare well against any individual Mimbari, since he personally is an exemplar of his race). Kosh is an Ancient One, incomprehensibly above even Old Ones.

14

Yoda, because he is real and this Kosh guy is just made up.

15

Out of his suit, he looks like what your race has been programmed to see. When Kosh revealed himself to save Sheridan, Ambassador Mollari looked in his direction oddly, and apparently did not see him at all (according to the Babylon 5 wiki). Mollari’s race had no early contact with the Vorlons.

BTW, what do Kosh’s people appear to be to those who can see them? Angels, or Angelic beings from that planet’s religion.

My vote: Kosh, because the battle between him and the three Shadows was felt all over Babylon 5, which is 8,000 meters long and houses 250,000 beings. Bad. Ass.

16

[kosh_sound_effect]Somebody mop up the chunks of this Frogger motherfucker and his broke-ass-lasersword from my private deck.[/kosh_sound_effect]

17

Zog!

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Yoda: Win this battle, I cannot.
Kosh: I have always won here.
Yoda: Fight this battle, I cannot.
Kosh: (Cocks head, narrows aperture)
Yoda: Another appointment, I have.

19

Also, Londo had been “touched by the Shadows”, which may have prevented him from seeing Kosh.

20

It’s been years, so I’m now not sure what prevented him from seeing Kosh. I THOUGHT it was because Centauri hadn’t been visited by the Vorlons. I may be incorrect about that, and the whole reason may be his association with the Shadows. I do know that the Vorlons appear as angelic beings from various planet’s religions, and that is due to early contact with them as the races were developing. That leads to the question: What do they look like to races that hadn’t been visited? Everyone who saw Kosh that day had a name for what they were seeing, except for Londo Mollari, who saw nothing. Hope I’m not going too far off-topic.