Thats right, Yoda. I could stomach him back in the OT, but his escapades in the PT have just riled me up no end. I present, the case against Yoda:
The backwards talking. It was… cute, at best, in ESB. Back when he only had a few lines here and there. But in AOTC, and especially ROTS, its like he’s taking the piss. “Around the survivors a perimeter create”??? WTF? This guy is 900 years old, and he’s never mastered the english fucking language? Give me a break. And the galling thing is, the little prick can speak properly when he wants too: “I cannot train him. The boy has no patience” “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate… leads to suffering” “There is another”…
How come he can speak plainly in certain instances, and the rest of the time its “Away put your weapons!” Try holding a conversation with someone in Yoda-speak and see how far you get. Its retarded. Why cant he speak more good like the rest of us.
Jedi Master: Jedi master?! Are you having a giraffe? The emperor Kicked him round the place in ROTS At his ease. Jesus, he couldnt even beat Count Dooku. Granted, he had to save Anakin and Obi-Wan, but he should have had that fight wrapped up at that stage. If he was this all great Jedi master, he’d have made short work of dooku. Best display of Jedi powers Yoda’s ever done was rise the X-wing out of the swamp, which, according to Yoda himself, anyone could do with enough training. Shouldnt he have been able to handle the clones after order 66? Or at least try???
He goes out like a pussy. He is the only Jedi in the entire series who doesnt die in combat. He just rolls over and dies, probably after soiling himself.
He’s a coward. So, the empire has gripped control. The sith are in charge. A rebellion is rising. Guess you guys could use a powerful jedi on your side, eh? Help you guys co-ordinate attacks, and the such like. A leader. Admiral Yoda. Well, not happening. I’m going to fuck off to a swamp somewhere to eats grubs. That squid guy can lead your rebellion. I’m off.
Eh, I may have stepped on a few toes here. But it is becoming more apparent to me that Yoda was never any more than another Toy in the making. Make of this rant what you will. Or, as the green man would say, “of this rant, what you will, make.” Christ.
Dude, he’s 900 years old. That’s like going up to a 140 year old 10th degree Black Belt martial arts master here on Earth, kicking his cane out from under him, and laughing while he falls down and breaks his hip. “Some martial arts master you are, I don’t know any martial arts and I just kicked your ass!”
I read in Entertainment Weekly that Yoda was once a member of The Muppets comedy troupe, but left right before they hit it big to become a “serious actor”. He did alright on his own, though, I would say.
I point you towards any number of Jar-Jar Binks related hate sites, and say “He’s CGI, man”
Are you implying that the character gets away with his faults, because he’s portrayed as a puppet? Would you be so leniant if he were portrayed as an actor?
Your argument would hold water if he had faced off against Darth Maul. But Dooku and Palpatine were both getting on in years themselves. It wouldnt be such a big deal if Yoda is not portrayed as this kick-ass, all powerful Jedi master. He’s the head of the Jedi council. Is he not the Daddy? Should he not be able to take on any opponent?
Where is it written that the Jedi do things like the Sith? You only reign until someone stronger kills you? Nuh-uh. The wisdom that comes with age and experience also counts, I should think.
I think a lot of the problem here comes from the events themselves which happened “Along time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…”
Since this obviously predates OUR civilization, it is obvious to me that they could not have been speaking English. Therefore, what we are hearing on the screen is a translation of whatever language was being spoken.
It may have made perfect sense and had absolute perfect grammar in the original, but English just doesn’t have the proper constructs to render the words “correctly” in OUR grammar.
All right, dammit, it’s a plot device and it’s inconsistent!! OK? You happy now? You’re RIGHT!
<Peter Griffin>
You know what really grinds my gears? This Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay Lohan with all those little outfits, jumping around there on stage, half-naked with your little outfits. Ya know? You’re a… You’re out there jumping around and I’m just sitting here with my beer. So, what am I supposed to do? What you want? You know, are we gonna go out? Is that what you’re trying to - why why are you leaping around there, throwing those things all up in my, over there in my face? What do you want, Lindsay? Tell me what you want? Well, I’ll tell you what you want, you want nothing. You want nothing. All right? Because we all know that no woman anywhere wants to have sex with anyone, and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is - is just bogus.
</Peter Griffin>
You know what? For the most part I agree with you, especially about the moving of the X-wing. “Size matters not”? Then why’d it take all your effort to move what was essentially a pylon?
And not only that, I think a large amount of responsibility for the downfall of the Republic rests on directly Yoda’s head. I mean, obviously, Palpatine made the choice to become Sith and take over the Galaxy, and Anakin made the choice to join him; however, the former could have been averted and the latter never should have been available as an option:
As head of the Jedi Council, Yoda did relatively nothing regarding the impending Dark Side threat, despite knowing that the Dark Side was growing in power and beginning to obscure the Light Side. It wasn’t until Darth Maul’s apperance that any work began… and look how much was accomplished under the ten years or so that followed.
He refused to allow Anakin to be trained as a Jedi. If someone comes to you and tells you they have an atomic bomb with the largest megaton yield ever, you don’t wave it away because you’re unsure about the quality of its parts. Someone else is going to take it if you don’t. Sure, Anakin had fear and was undisciplined, but that’s exactly why he needs the training!
“Fear leads to suffering”. Yes indeed… Yoda feared Anakin’s power and thus tried to censure it, rather than let it out and train it.
Making Anakin get involved in politics and spy on one of his best friends has to have been one of the worst ideas in Jedi history. “We know that there’s a large amount of the Dark Side focused around Palpatine, so let’s take this powerful, unfocused, undisciplined friend of his who we’ve constantly been hostile towards and have never trusted despite his years of high quality service and put him in a no-win situation to see if he can find out anything for us.” Smart… it’s like handing Anakin to the Dark Side on a platter.
Obviously, these some of these decisions were made with consent of and advised by the Jedi Council, but as head of that Council, responsibility falls directly on him.
In the novelization of ROTS, Yoda does end up accepting a large amount of the blame: “Changed, the Galaxy has. Refused to change with it, I have”… or words to that effect. Which is one reason, I think, that he exiled himself to Degobah. The other, at least in the novel, is that he threw off his mantle of Jedi Master to again become a padawan… of Qui Gon. It was only through that, he figured, that he could truely become a master of the Living Force and be able to aid in the downfall of the Emporer.
I remember reading something about this in Yoda’s autobiography, When 900 Years Old You Reach… Yoda is Kermit’s great-grandfather. They used to perform together on the vaudeville circuit. After appearing on talk shows alongside close friend Jim Henson, Kermit had already become a household name by the time Sesame Street appeared. Kermit wanted to do a few sketches with Yoda on the show, but Yoda refused, stating “Teach the children about the alphabet, I cannot. Teach them how to be strong and brave, I can.” Kermit and Henson thought this was a good idea, but after it was discovered that Yoda encouraged the viewing audience to use physical violence and something called a “Jedi mind trick” against their parents to get what they wanted, Children’s Television Workshop present Joan Ganz Cooney was horrified, and Yoda was summarily fired. After Kermit went on to do The Muppet Show, Yoda, in a combination of one too many beers and some illegal drugs, told a story in a bar while watching the premiere about how little Kermit made it to show business, while old Yoda was able to train a young man named Skywalker in the ways of the Jedi. Neither Skywalker nor Jedis existed; Yoda’s story was complete B.S. and everyone in the bar, knew it. Everyone, that is, except for the man sitting next to Yoda: an upstart Hollywood producer named George Lucas.
So, okay. It’s, like, 1978, right? I knew Yoda from back in community college, but he cut out after a couple semesters and said he was going to work in his dad’s auto body shop instead-- whatever. So I hadn’t seen him for, like, a year. Anyway, I get this call one day, and it’s Yoda, and I’m like, “Dude! How’s it hanging?” And he goes, “Moving into a new apartment this weekend, I am. Your help moving some stuff I need.” So, okay, whatever; next Saturday me and Greg take his El Camino over to Yoda’s and help him load his crap into the back. So when we get over to the new place, suddenly Yoda’s like, “Take five I must. My back I threw out at work moving a case of clear coat.” So he basically just sits there killing a Mickey’s while me and Greg haul his couch and stuff up two flights of stairs.
So two years later, I hear he’s going to be in Empire, and I’m like, “Okay, how cool is that?” So I go to check out the movie, right? And he’s, like, *moving spaceships with his mind! *
