You’ve all seen them, groaned about them, HATED them, and (admit it!) loved to hate them. Cripes, there are even TV shows these days that glorify them.
What are they? HORRIBLE local-business television ads/advertisers. You know the ones… some old fart with a bad rug and worse teeth pimping his cheesy neighborhood strip mall vacuum cleaner repair shop, middle-aged car salesmen standing next to their doddery old mothers trying to move a 1982 Leadmobile with a leaky transmission, “cute” children gobbling up various unrecognizable and scary-looking take-out food items from the local Chinese restaurant, Coke bottle-bottomed-glasses-wearing dweeboid freaks in ill-fitting plaid suits trying to sell you some whatever insurance, you get the jist.
Back in the day when I was growing up in Southern California… Yea! even before Cal Worthington - who is also a local boy, of whom most other locals are STILL embarrassed despite his success - there was [cue lights, cue camera, cue HTML font-size coding] Ralph Williams of Ralph Williams’ Ford. [HTML font-size coding off] OMG.
He was a short, nearly-bald, squish-faced fireplug of a man. He could talk a blue streak, you could barely understand a thing, it was all so run together – he’d cram info about eight cars into a 30-second spot (generally starting with the creampuffs, and working his way down to the less expensive, less desirable models), AND give you complete directions how to get there, to boot. (Cheech and Chong immortalized him perfectly as “El Monte Slim,” if you want to get a feel for what I’m talking about.) He came off like a sideshow barker for the most part, but he looked pretty tough and not a guy you’d want to cross (I’m sure he had business associates named Vinnie). He was always giving away crap to lure folks in – toys for the kids, free wiper blades, air fresheners, etc. Ralph was a pretty big local boy for awhile there, but along came Cal Worthington, who took Ralph Williams one step further… straight to local TV-commercial hell!
For better or worse, ol’ Ralph’s patter remains forever emblazoned upon my brain:
HI THERE! friends and neighbors! This Ralph Williams from Ralph Williams’ Ford, saying ‘COME ON DOWN! We got some great deals in used cars that you can drive home today! Right here we’ve got a BEAUTIFUL 1961 Ford Fairlane [or whatever, is there a ’61 Fairlane?!?]. Just LOOK at the shine on that gorgeous vehicle, it’s got ONLY 92,000 miles on it and BRAND NEW TIRES all the way around. Drives like a dream! We’ve road tested her and cleaned her up JUST for YOU for the low, low, UNBEATABLE price of $1,700! But if you can’t afford THAT fine used vehicle, don’t worry, because we’ve got HUNDREDS of fine-quality used cars here at Ralph Williams’ Ford, in EVERY price range. Here’s another BEAUTY on display here at the Ralph Williams’ Ford Used Car Lot…
Tell us about your Ralph Williams.
StoryTyler
“Not everybody does it, but everybody should.”