Both.
I think that’s the point though: if I’m doing the favour of doing someone’s washing, it’s my boat, my rules. The alternative is no favour. I think you making the adjustment of checking your pockets before it goes in “smellies” is not that terrible a sacrifice to make for someone doing you a favour.
Also, I disagree with Shade, checking immediately would be much more efficient. If you do laundry once a week and then go through all your pockets you will pull out seven chapsticks and in the meantime you will have bought whole hordes of new ones. You will find the scribbled note of that thing you were supposed to do and forgot. You end up with a pile of pennies and useless crap sitting on the washing machine, that you don’t really do anything with. And after a week it turns out your wife had given you that £50 note after all and you put it in your back pocket without thinking and you could’ve avoided the arguement if you’d just checked your pockets that night. Chaos :eek: (OK, it may be a slight exaggeration, but y’know what I mean 
)
Don’t know what your arrangement is, but at our house, my wife does the laundry, and we have one laundry basket. Whoever puts something in the laundry basket empties the pockets first, but my wife generally makes an attempt to check for any unfound items in the pockets before doing a load of laundry.
You and your wife seem very interested in pushing responsbility off onto each other; sounds like a fun household. :rolleyes: A more productive approach would be to admit that both of you have an interest in chapstick not going through the laundry, so both of you probably ought to be motivated to help prevent that from happening.
Empty your pockets before the pants go in the laundry bin. I’ll check, but the responsibility lies with the pants-wearer.
…and then it would still be the launderer’s responsibility. The launderer being you. 
I do the laundry about 80% of the time in our household, and between scrubbing the shit out of the little one’s oneses and the occasional accident from the big girl panties, and looking for food stains on both kids, I don’t have time or desire to check adult’s clothes. If it’s in the laundry basket, it’s ready to do.
For the OP, the solution is clear. Either check your own pockets before they got in the basket or ask her to not do you any favors.
All money is mine. Otherwise, I present the item to my husband and tell him, “This is nice and clean now.” Last night it was a nice and clean tire valve.
I voted “launderer,” but I’ve changed my mind. I thought your wife was just grabbing any old clothes that you had taken off. If you are putting clothes in the “these need to be washed” location, then you need to empty the pockets first.
I’m with Cubsfan, after understanding his situation. His wife knows he usually checks his pants just before doing his own wash, and not when he puts them in his separate laundry basket. She should either check the pockets, or stop washing his clothes.
(Their approach is so foreign compared to the way it works at my house, I didn’t pick up on it just from the OP.)
No clothes should go in a hamper or basket without the pockets being emptied. If you had left them lying on the bed or something, that’s a different case.
I’d say both. When i do the laundry, I check all pockets. Of course whatever I find is mine. I have a wonderful collection of acorns, rocks, and pennies. I don’t keep the used tissues.
Given the further clarifications, the clear answer is that since the OP is derelict about his pockets, and knows how to do laundry himself, then he should simply tell the wife to never touch his. Then whatever happens is entirely on his head.
No adult should be putting anything in the laundry basket/hamper without having checked the pockets, in any case.
You shouldn’t purposely leave it in there, but the person doing the laundry should always check the pockets before throwing it in the machine. I mean, why wouldn’t you?
Simple solution: don’t use Chapstick. It’s not necessary.
Agreed. I usually do the laundry, my Dearly Beloved will if I’m outa town or if she feels so moved. It’s pretty even. It’s entirely my job to clear the pockets. Being mighty fond of cargo pants means I am capable of storing enormous amounts of tiny things here and there. Not the Washer’s Job. IMHO, the responsibility lies solely with the Wearer.
When laundering pocketed clothing, I check for coins, keys, eye drops, combs, folding money, checks, notes, candy, gum, pens, pencils, pillboxes, paperclips, personal electronic devices, insulin syringes and/or needles, and sun glasses.
I never have checked for chapstick, or, since I play woodwinds, cork grease. One more checkbox to add.
I want you to know I got a big smile out of the part I bolded. Thank you.
the person putting stuff in the machine is always responsible for their actions.
it is stupid for a person to put clothes in a dirty clothes repository (chute/hamper/basket/pile ) without thoroughly checking.
it may mean that a article of clothing gets checked more than once, such are life’s burdens.
This.
I was all set to answer “the wearer, of course,” until I read the OP and decided I need a clarification:
If the wife grabbed the pants before they were “ready” to be laundered—like, the instant they came off Cubsfan’s body—and threw them into the washer, it’s her fault.
If I made the rules, they would be as follows:
There should be a hamper or basket or to-be-washed pile for clothes that need to be laundered.
It is the wearer’s responsibility to check the pockets before putting clothes into this pile.
If someone other than the wearer puts anything into this pile (which they shouldn’t have to, if the wearer is an adult, but may if they choose), they should check the pockets when doing so.
Once they’re in the pile, the launderer may safely assume there’s nothing in the pockets, and is absolved of all guilt should that assumption turn out to be incorrect.
I bought my husband a valet chair so that he could empty his pockets and lay out his clothes for the next day, and he uses it religiously. I paid $25 or $35 for it at a local thrift shop. He was just tossing his pocket litter all over the place, but this item has really helped him keep his shit together. Or at least his pocket shit.
He absolutely refuses to wear lip balm, by the way, no matter how much he might need it. However, he does tend to put small bits of machinery in his pockets. When those little tire valves stems or spark plugs or whatever go through the washer and dryer, well, it does the washer and dryer no good at all. And usually does the odd bits of machine parts no good at all, either.