As a reformed slut, I think I speak with authority when I say that most women hate sluts because they are jealous of the attention they get. Basically, what Badtz Maru said. But I must add that sluts are also privy to seeing what goes on when it is “boys night out” because we get to go, as long as we don’t tell anybody’s girlfriends. We get the dirt. I know more about what goes on in men’s heads than my married friends do by far.
I also think most sluts are struggling with low self-esteem, and they don’t necessarily see too clearly that being a slut undermines the search for a meanlingful LTR.
That’s the reason I became a reformed slut. I reached a point where the LTR was more important than all the attention and thrill of seduction. Unfortunately, I don’t think most women see it as clearly as I did. Not to say that there wasn’t a transition period for me, but I found it rather easy to go from over-the-top promiscuous to one-man woman. The hard part was to stop bragging about my conquests.
And there is a double standard for men. A friend of mine was nicknamed “The Phenomenon” because he was able to get so many girls!
But isn’t it true that some - maybe even many - so-called sluts are just out to have fun and have zero interest in a meaningful long-term relationship? Don’t girls just wanna have fun?
dantheman, of course that’s true for some women. Why is that when a woman has lots of sex for fun, she’s a slut, but when a man does the same thing, he’s just being a guy?
Q.N. Jones, I realize it’s a stupid television show, but I have to take issue with what you said about the women in “Sex and the City.” So what if Samantha doesn’t want to be in a long-term relationship? So what if Charlotte is looking for true love? Does that mean they are not allowed to ever get laid? I really don’t see how those things make them neurotic and messed up. If there is anything neurotic about those women, it’s that they spend $400 on a pair of shoes.
Because many women are told when they grow up that they must never give it up for a guy unless they really, really, really like him. Guys are either not told that or are told but ignore it. We all have our needs and our desire to have fun. It’s not necessarily a male/female thing as much as it’s a social thing.
Nope, speaking as an actual guy, I can say that I never plan to have sex outside of a long term, commited relationship.
And I wouldn’t expect any less from my future partner(s).
The “many” part of “many women” applied to the “guys” as well, Soapbox Monkey. YMMV.
Personally, I’m not fond of easy people of either gender. Sure, they’re “having fun” but a much of our STD and unwanted pregnancy rates are attibuitable to this “fun.” Fun-seeking that often leads to such life affecting results (and not only for themselves) is hard to admire. Yeah, I know I’m a downer, I also didn’t think highly of the frat guys across the street skiing off their roof even though no one was seriously hurt. <shrugs>
I have to agree with Q.N. Jones about Sex and the City. When i started reading this thread, I immediately thought about the show. I feel as though I have a pretty good grip on reality, and nothing about their lives is realistic to me. They are all neurotic, promiscuous, manipulative women. Samantha is a sex addict in serious need of therapy, Carrie is a cold loveless woman (breaking Aidan’s heart ONCE wasn’t enough?), Miranda is a control freak who can sleep with other men while subconsciously in love with Steve (I don’t even know how that works), and Charlotte clearly uses her beauty and sex appeal to marry rich men…I don’t even buy that she wants true love; what’s magical about her relationship with Harry? They are all “sluts” in my eyes. Do I hate them? No. Do I pity them? A bit.
Well, I might hate Carrie a bit, but not because she sleeps around but rather because she is callous.
[yes I know they’re not real people…]
As to the O.P., I don’t hate sluts or satyrs. I will admit, however, that I can’t respect the behavior, and that goes for men and women both. I’m sure that stems from my Puritan upbringing.
Or…
maybe some women hate promiscuous women for the same reason some thin women are disgusted by overweight women…because the latter group has given in to a desire that the other group actively eschews. Maybe it’s just jealousy in the simplest form.
I think I’d make a damn fine slut, if I had the figure, energy and excess time. 
I’m not sure it’s so much of a commodity issue, that’s part of it but it’s only one side of a complex issue. The non-slut girls aren’t going to be noticed as easily, not just by guys they’re hoping to attract but simple conversation, work environment, whatever. Sluts are attention whores and hog the limelight, leaving everyone else in the dust.
Then there’s the resentment factor of “I follow the rules and she doesn’t and where’s my reward/her punishment?” Like counting all your calories and willpowering yourself into your jeans just to watch a size 2 co-worker mow thru another cheesecake.
At least, that’s my understanding of the resentment thing. Personally, I like to people watch and sit on the sidelines making snarky comments, so I rather enjoy sluts for the extra snarking opportunities. I whole-heartedly endorse anyone getting some, and if it works for them, cool beans.
I don’t hate sluts. I rarely even use the word. I think it’s a degrading term that is generally just used as a pejorative for any woman whose values one disagrees with or disapproves of and I try to be more specific than that. I can separate poor character from number of sexual partners. There are women who pretend to want sex when they want to manipulate, to try to coerce others into emotional commitments and to take a shortcut to intimacy but not all of them have had a lot of partners. There are plenty of women who use sex to get affection or attention or any number of things and I don’t think that’s healthy. There are women who have unsafe sex with little regard for their health. There are women who think nothing of sleeping with a man knowing full well that he’s cheating on someone else. I think those are all creepy or stupid behaviours but those are all things that any person can do regardless of whether it’s a man or a woman, and regardless of whether or not he or she is sexually promiscuous. And in the end, regardless of whether or not they are even such a terrible person.
There are people whose sex lives I don’t think are sensible but normally that’s just the tip of the iceberg. People who use sex to boost their egos, for example, get on my nerves. It’s not the constant sex that annoys me it’s the ego and need for approval. If it came out in a different way I would dislike them equally. The fact is, there are plenty of people who not only do that, but because they do it with only one or two partners, they feel comfortable calling the kettle black and using the word slut without thinking about what they mean by it. To be honest, I hate that word. I think the reason it’s not used on men is that people don’t think sexuality defines men’s character the way they think it defines a woman’s. Why should it define a woman? No particular reason, just habit.
People use slut as a lazy shortcut to thinking about the specific values they feel are being violated. If women hate “sluts” it’s because those women can’t be bothered to address the specific issue that’s bothering them.
That’s why you laugh quietly to yourself when one of them gets an STD or an unwanted pregnancy.
I think of a “slut” as a foolish person or a callous person: I think someone who screws around a lot and does not use proper protection is a fool and a slut. (In other words, I’m in the same downer category as elfkin477 on this.) Someone who screws around and doesn’t care if they are helping someone else cheat on their partner is really a slut. I have contempt for that.
But I sometimes have enjoyed hearing the exploits of “sluts” as well. I can be surprisingly nonjudgmental at times. As long as they are careful and aren’t cheating on someone (or helping someone else cheat) then it’s really none of my business.
However, I remember one friend, way back when, who told a story that made me feel sorry for her, but on the other hand, I kinda didn’t. Well, that’s not completely true–I felt sorry for her but also frustrated with her.
This girl would sleep around for entertainment. That’s fine–she was not a callous bitch (that I knew of) and I thought she was a pretty likeable girl in a lot of ways. However, it seemed to me that she could be pretty unemotional about affairs of the heart. But finally, she fell in love.
So, she was sleeping with this younger guy for entertainment, while waiting for her “true love” to finally dump his girlfriend and hook up with her. She was just killing time with the younger guy while feeling deep thoughts of love for this other guy. Well, finally the Big Night comes and the True Love dumps his girlfriend and sleeps with her. She tells him that he is her True Love. He tells her that he was just sleeping with her for entertainment. She’s crestfallen.
I felt sorry for her, but on the other hand…I thought, “What the hell do you expect?” She kills time with guys, and so sometimes guys kill time with her. It works both ways.
Because they make good, virtuous women look bad.
I personally don’t think it’s about competition. A man of quality won’t want anything to do with a woman of low character. He may look at her if she’s dressed provocatively, but he certainly won’t talk to her, and he’d never consider marrying her. Conversely, a cad won’t waste his time with a “prudish” woman who has “hangups” about sex. He’ll simply seek out a woman of low morals who gives all and demands nothing (which these days is fairly easy to find), and he won’t even have to pay her for her trouble like he would in your grandfather’s day.
In sum: Precious things are for those who can prize them.
The word, I think, is extremely degrading and I hate it.
I also don’t think less of these so-called sluts. A friend of mine said to me the other day “What di you think of Person Y? I heard last semester she slept with eleven different boys!” Her voice indicated I was supposed to be shocked and appalled. I just shrugged and said that averaged to less than once a week, and it’s not any of my business anyway.
Which I guess is the point of the post–I don’t hate or revile these women (and men) because it’s none of my business. shrug
This entire thread is extremely irritating for so many reasons.
I am a slut, ok so I’m getting on toward oldish now so being a slut is not as easy as is once was. Other then the one person who was a “reformed slut” many of you are talking through your arses.
I do have low self esteem that is true, sex no matter how hollow and unmeaningful gives the esteem a wee lift…you were for one moment in time “worth bonking”. My husband killed himself more then 10 years ago…a million years could pass and that knock to who I am will never disappear.
Sex can be and it often is a recreational activity. I think jogging is a truely tragic affair, many don’t see it the way I do. I care not a jot if they think I am wrong.
I have bonked married blokes. I did not help them to be unfaithful. They had every intention of being unfaithful before I met them. I am not now nor do I ever want to be the policeman of someone elses marriage. If I have sex with a married man I am cheating no one. He is and that was his choice. I didn’t make him, I didn’t stop him. It is not my job to maintain someone elses marriage.
Many of the blokes I bonked were pure and simple male sluts. Purely and utterly conquest driven. It is hard to see why they are somehow are somehow better people then a woman who feels the same way. Infact if I bonked a bloke 10 yrs younger then me…I won (highly sdmb dissaproved of “lol”)
Sluts often need a cuddle, some physical contact that reminds us all that we are in a world where humans realate physical contact to affection and therefore affirmation of us being “ok”. Sluts sometimes have sex to have a cuddle. For those of you who believe sex is some semi-religous experience that may be a shock. But it is true.
Sex is not a huge deal. We live in a culture that tells us it has to be some momentous loving nirvana experience, but that is just our culture. Sex doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t kill you (if you practice safely). It doesn’t make you less of a human being. It doesn’t make you an unfeeling slut (even if it is someone elses husband you bonked). It doesn’t or shouldn’t make you of some other status, either those who do or those who don’t. It doesn’t make you less of or more of a human because of where, when and who you have sex with. It is as human as eating…and there are many many fat people who are “sluts” too.
pepperlandgirl, once again, you are right on the money!
The word is a nasty and judgmental label that is tossed around casually. The word was used to describe me behind my back by a person who knew nothing about me other than my name and my face. That was six years before I chose to become active.
Any idea what that kind of labeling can do to a teenager who places value upon her good name and her virginity?
The OP generalization presumes a lot.
Oh and this can’t be passed up! Marriage is a prize? Something all women want? Quality equals someone who has had little or no sex?
Low character to me means someone who is a theif, a murderer, some who breaks a law! I have never dressed provocatively a single day in my life. You need a new definition of slut.
You also need to rexamine the way that someone who shares a different veiw of sexuality from you is wrong. Let me guess “homosexuals will go to hell” or am I just putting opinions as facts?
Uh, listen, I really am not in the mood to bust your chops here or anything, but yeah. You did help these married guys be unfaithful. It takes two to have sex, so they need a willing participant in their betrayal of their wife (assuming their wife didn’t know and would feel betrayed if she did know). And if you agree to have sex with them, then you are obviously helping them be unfaithful.
I’ve likened it previously to helping someone break a contract. Let’s say someone promised to sell a car to Person A. Then they go tell Person B that they have this contract to sell a car to Person A, but they want to break that contract and sell the car to Person B. Person B knows that Person A is looking forward to the car and that Person A is all set to buy the car.
Sure, the unfaithful car seller is just gonna sell the car to someone else, but does Person B have to get mixed up in this whole mess? Especially when they know that their willing participation will contribute to Person A (who is unknowing and innocent in all this) being sorely dissappointed, and rightfully so?
It’s a choice people make. And I don’t think that just saying, “Well, they were gonna do it anyway” wipes away any other participating person’s responsibility for their own actions, or the impact their actions are going to have on others.
It’s also used nonpejoratively; witness the myriad “talk to a nasty slut!” ads for phone sex. The word there isn’t used to describe an awful, awful person but rather just one who’s easy. It thereby taps into the idea that males sometimes like “bad” girls - even if “bad” means nothing more than “naughty.”
Besides, a word can’t be judgmental. People can. If people use it to judge others before they know them, then that’s the fault of the people, not the word. Are self-descibed sluts saying they’re nasty, rotten people? Not likely - they’re probably just saying they like to have fun.
I think it’s just another symptom of how uptight our society is today. There are a lot of people out there with a lot of sexual hangups, and perhaps they see those who don’t have the same hangups as beneath them, somehow.