Is it sheer numbers, as one stubborn friend of mine insists, or is it more a matter of attitude? Are you slutty when you stop counting? I am considered a bit of a slut in one of my social circles, if only because most of those friends are so staid that they think wearing shorts is some kind of wholesale invitation to the public. (I wish I were kidding.) Then there is the other side of my group of friends, who had accomplished maneuvers before they were out of high school that I never even considered until I hit my twenties. I have one friend who has a never-broken rule never to have sex except in an exclusive relationship and another who freely admits to not knowing the first names of several people with whom he has had sex.
So, Dopers, I ask you, is there some magic number (besides 10,234, offered by the columnists Em and Lo, which makes me wonder how one would have time to do anything but have sex) that pushes you into sluthood? Some particular act or state of mind? Have my friends and I just bought into an outdated concept? For myself, I feel a lot less slutty now than I used to when I was a bit younger and had less experience, which leads me to believe that maybe it is just attitude after all.
In my high school (an international school in HK) there were several girls known to be ‘sluts’ who were nothing more than big flirts or exhibitionists (in the most benign sense of the word). Then suddenly in senior year that became a good thing, and you had girls go around saying, “Heyya, slut. What’s up?”, or “You got the calculus homework done, you slut?”
Here in college my friends call me a manslut, but I have yet to hear the word used in description of a female. Might just be regional.
I’ve always hated the double standard it’s ok for men but not ok for women. I think get’n laid would probably be alot easier if that stigma weren’t around.
1.) Jump into bed quickly.
2.) Jump into bed somewhat indiscrimintory.
3.) Move quickly from partner to partner.
Either all or a combation of these factors.
So, In my eyes, someone who has sex with several different people in the course of a week, every week, would definatly be a slut. And it would be slighlty different if it were the same several people being rotated.
But it’s relative and there’s no magic number, more of a guideline of Slut IDing.
"So we are proud to reclaim the word “slut” as a term of approval, even endearment. To us, a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that *sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. * …
“A slut shares his sexuality the way a philanthropist shares her money — because they have a lot to share, because it makes them happy to share it, because sharing makes the world a better place.”
Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt, The Ethical Slut
To me, it’s all about the attitude. If a person has a coarse, indiscriminate, casual attitude toward sex, they’re “slutty.”
I knew a girl who had had about 15 partners, which was kind of shocking to me, but it was over the course of about 10 years and she had been in serious relationships with all of them. On the other hand, I knew a girl who had only slept with 5 guys, for reasons ranging from “i was bored” to “i was drunk.” I viewed the latter as a slut, but not the former.
Great quotes matt! They sum up my feelings quite nicely, actually. Sex is fun, adults should be able to share it without nasty labels getting attached.
If you look at numbers, then I am a slut. Ok, I was. I’m a tad old for JUST-SLUT now (though that does sound like the name for a nifty energy drink ).
If you look at indiscrimintory partners, then I was a slut. Unless that meant I was stupid, they were stupid and we didn’t use protection. If it meant he was horny and I was horny and I didn’t want to date/marry/or see him again…then yes I’m a slut.
If you mean “move from partner to partner” means, find someone you enjoy bonking and then move on. Then I’m a slut.
If you mean that being a widow since 1993 meant that I had to remain on battery power or be a slut. Then I’m a slut.
If you realised that I am exceptionaly careful about my child never having an “uncle” or him never feeling that a family of two was a bad thing, well then I’m not a slut.
My child probably thinks I’m a nun. It works for us. Better for me to “get busy” when he is nowhere to be seen and be a slut when he is not around, then to be desperate for company and introduce him to Uncle-Whoever.
Thank you to all who replied so far. I asked because I’ve been thinking about this. I carry a lot of useless guilt about sex and I’m trying to work through it.
Freejooky has it nailed, IMO. (Hee, hee, “nailed”!)
Slut is one of those words that really bothers me because of the double standard. I’m female, I like sex, I create and take advantage of opportunities to have it; and this makes me worse than the average guy how?
I have also heard that a slut is someone who will sleep with everyone but you or will no longer sleep with you.
My perspective on this one (sex-positive feminist hat on)
Some men feel threatened by a woman who acknowledges sexual desire openly and outside the confines of a relationship. What if a woman knows that another guy is “better at it” than him? (I could go on, but the hat is itchy.) Secure men generally mind their own business.
Women can feel threatened sometimes as well as the type can be perceived as, “overly available” and may threaten their relationship.
While I think people should be allowed to sleep with whoever consents (barring children, farm animals and Rick Santorum) an important distinction needs to be made between women with more than x number of partners versus women who knowingly pursue men in relationships. Them, I won’t defend.
The quote posted by matt_mcl strikes me as spot on. What the hell is a ‘slut’ but someone who enjoys sex? What is wrong with that? Really, is there any real difference between sleeping with a lot of people because you enjoy sex and any other activity?
Why anyone would feel shame at this completely natural behaviour is beyond me.
–UnwrittenNocturne (who lost count years ago and is NOT ashamed)
