When a woman changes partners frequently or has sex a bit too quick for societies “moral” values she is labeled a slut. I personally hate that notion.
One way to avoid “slut” labels is being discrete about your affairs. Its ok to have a lot of sex… but try being discrete and make sure your partners won’t blab too much either.
Otherwise don’t bother with what others say. The girl I knew that was definitely a bit too easy getting to bed… now has a new baby at age 30 and is in a stable relationship. She is quite square now and happy.
I once heard the following analysis of the double standard, which I do NOT necessarily belive is valid. I post it here only for purposes of discussion:
The way we always put it is that a slut is a woman who will sleep with anybody; a bitch is one who will sleep with anybody but you!
It usually means anybody who is getting laid more than you are.
A long time ago I saw a definition that made sense to me: a slut is someone who has sex without regard to the effects it might have on eir partners.
Merely flirting or openly enjoying sex or having sex frequently or having sex with many different people wasn’t enough: sluttiness also involved a wilful disregard of context, health issues, whether someone was cheating, etc.
OK just to be wilful. I have never had any interest in the LIFE of my sexual partners (bar those I chose to continued a relationship with). If THEY were cheating it concerned THEM not me. I didn’t ask if they were married. I didn’t care if they were married (I didn’t want to march down the aisle with them) I didn’t expect them to say they were married.
I was after a bonk. They were after a bonk. Only one of us knew if they were married.
It is about time married women stopped blaming the “other” woman if the man they love and trust cheats.
The “other” woman did nothing wrong. He was the one cheating.
Unless someone is purposefully reclaiming the term (see mattmcl’s great post), I would say that other people’s perceptions make you a slut. If you hang out with virgins and have one sexual partner, you can be a slut. Heck, you don’t even have to be having intercourse; if you’re the girl who gets a little drunk and kisses people at parties, you can be a slut. Unless you’re applying the word to yourself, it’s all about other people judging you and wanting to label your behavior as unfavorable.
So, if you’ve heard through the grapevine that you’re a slut, you just need to wonder what you’re doing that’s got everyone else so envious. waggles eyebrows
I don’t truly care how many people others sleep with. That’s not any of my concern. To me, a slut is someone that uses their body to get what they want out of another person without any care or concern to that person. And I hate them for it. Women who do that give all of us a bad name. Men who do it just perpetuate sterotypes.
I have to disagree. While it is subjective, someone simply thinking you a slut (or man-ho) does not make it so. I would say that where girls are concerned, a “slut” is someone who’s only way of deriving self-worth is through sleeping around. For example, a girl who dates a lot and thusly sleeps with a lot of guys is not a slut. A girl who sleeps with half the guys in a fraternity just so they will like having her hang out would be a slut.
But how do you know these girls’ motivations, msmith? Either of the girls in your scenarios could be sleeping around out of desparation or each could just really like sex and experimenting with different partners.
It’s exactly this sort of projecting or making assumptions about another’s sexuality that leads to people being labeled as sluts. In this scenario, one girl escapes because she only indulges in sex in acceptable relationships. IMHO, that says a lot more about your standards for what is acceptable than either of the fictional girls.
calm kiwi, let me take this opportunity to complement you for being a responsible and caring parent. This is a particular bugaboo of mine for reasons best left unstated, so I’m glad to see someone acknowledging the issue.
In the interest of fighting ignorance, any cute female who wishes to have her sluttiness confirmed or denied is encouraged to contact me via email. Offer not valid in Wisconsin.
