Why are there no entertaining trolls

Why are trolls so insipid? If someone is going to be a troll or a pain you think they could at least put some thought into it. In my time here I’ve thought of about 5-6 clever troll ideas. Sure they are trollish and annoying (and I wouldn’t do them) but, at least they are clever and some people would get amusement out of them. Why can’t we be affflicted with a curse of clever trolls. IS it because anyone with the brains to think of a good idea is too polite to put it into use? What? I swear if I read one more stupid subject from a troll, I’ll fucking smash my computer monitor. And it’s not like I actually read the threads, I have to little time for that. But, while scanning for interesting threads I always come across the stupid “cease fire this” “poster x wronged me” blah blah blah. Give it fucking rest. WHY? Don’t you have something better to do with your time. Like masturbate? or actually go and meet a real person? ah well. Does anyone else have clever troll ideas. I hesitate to post them, but I’m curious if anyone else has looked at a troll and said “if you’re going to do it at least don’t be a half-ass.”


There’s a thread The Urge started that I just adored. I couldn’t stop posting to that thread. I won’t mention which one it was, but I’m pretty sure it could be figured out. Anyway, it was fun.

Oldscratch, I asked the same damn thing (“Where are all the creative trolls?” or something like that). And, I still don’t have any answer.

Well, I have seen few true trolls here, meeting the standard definition of someone posting a subject only to get reactions instead of dialog. Most of the people being called trolls are just banned posters trying to get back at people they hold grudges against. And the reason most of them are so uninspired is because the only thing on their minds is revenge. However, I think concrete was a banned poster who decided to have some fun when he came back as a new poster and he was very entertaining. Unfortunately he finally made a mistake that got him banned again and if he has come back in other incarnations he hasn’t been as interesting as that one. I think it takes awhile to understand how to effectively post on this message board, so anybody coming to the board as a newbie troll probably just isn’t going to have the experience to be entertaining.

Sorry, too little sleep, too much grief and assorted hassles to give proper attribution, but I think it was JohnCorradowho made a distinction between trolls and assholes. Paraphrasing very badly:

Trolls at least have some substance; infuriating maybe, but at least with some wrong-headed, articulately defended point to make. Assholes just spew garbage.

A quality troll can be the whetstone upon which to sharpen the blade. An asshole just makes ya want to fumiagate the place. At least a troll aspires to the position of honorable enemy, with some functioning brain cells.

Alas, good trolls are hard to find. There are a very few posters (fortunately, not frequent posters) whom I consider assholes barely masquerading as trolls. But that’s a purely private judgment–and I’m frequently wrong.

But a genuinely bright, erudite, articulate, cross-wise troll?

Many aspire, but most are just puerile annoyances.



::sigh:: Concrete. He was hil-fucking-arious. Even as BedBoy (if he truly was BedBoy) he was a fucking riot. Man, I miss that guy. Bastard.


Yeah… and Serlinal was interesting to read, at least. He had a way with words, and even though he was very trollish, each of his posts managed to stay consistent and to the point. Well, HIS point.

I think of Serlinal as a half troll.

Most of the time he was a consistent readable poster. Unfortunately, sometimes he just went off wacky-woo-woo.

Two thoughts:

One) Don’t hold back, ace, go for it. Be troll for a day! You got the ideas, you got the balls, you know where to get free email in 3 minutes, and even a free ISP in 5. (Besides, the mods don’t really bust people based on IP #'s, because they’d always be creaming the wrong one. No current ISP uses one IP number per user, every time you log out your IP number goes to the next guy.)

Two) If you think “I would like to see someone do it, but it’s just not me, and besides I want to ream the troll and watch him stumble”, that’s cool.
Then tell me just one of your tricks. I know a troll who’s looking for ideas. I’ll pass it along. No muss, no fuss, no way to get caught. alphatoomega@writeme.com

(Mods: Ha ha, just kidding. I am not a troll.)(oldscratch - Think it over. let me know)

I dunno about the rest of you, but I’m STILL laughing over the short-lived matt_mcl copycat troll. I mean, the dude starting a thread saying “I have a copycat troll!” and then followed up that post with a “me too!” The real Matt didn’t even get in until the third post!

Brian, Amy and I sat around the computer laughing our asses off over that one. First time I’ve ever laughed over something a troll did, but that was FUNNY.

You dickhead, are a sockfucker and a troll. You are the same dude who was all the Alpha incarnations recently, and I suspect that you were X-files too.
DNFTT folks

Ya know, there really is no excuse for bad behavior.

There’s no justification for harassing forum members . . .for being a jerk.

I don’t even think it’s funny. It’s just annoying. If your life’s ambition is to be the dog poop on everybody’s shoes, that’s something special to aspire to, ain’t it? You’ve bettered the world by just being in it, haven’t you? I bet your Mama is proud of you.

Every time I remove a name from the posting database I have a second to reflect on what a miserable human being must be hiding behind that name. I wonder what sad and banal little story is going on there. And I feel a little sympathy that they feel compelled to act out in such a pathetic fashion.

Then I get remember how they annoy the good folks here. And I have no sympathy left at all.

your humble TubaDiva

You seem to be full of hate. The trolls don’t. Why is that?
Do you fear what you do not understand? Then become a troll for 2 days, and learn all there is to know. What are you afraid of? Cecil won’t can you for “undercover” work. He will applaud your initiative.

Now, for a limited time, enroll in the “How to Be a Troll” course from the Institute of Daily Instruction Of Trolls. Much time will be spent on how to revert back to the attitude of an attention starved 3rd grader. Learn the basics of logicless thought. Develop a combined lack of common sense and an inability to understand what has been said to you. Extra courses are offered in contortion so you can fit your foot in your mouth while you have your head up your ass.
Note: No classes will be offered in spelling, grammar, communication, thought, or intelligence. These would only hamper you on your way to understanding true trolldom.

Troll3, you ignorant prick.

You are the tragic result of a squicking gone horribly wrong. Perhaps, if your father had bothered to feel around for the horns instead of just plunging gaily in, the goat wouldn’t have gotten pregnant.

Now, do us all a favor, and go felch yourself untill you invert, you ass clam.

Well, ya know… I was going to post something… but I just can’t stop laughing over the ass clam thing :stuck_out_tongue: ROFLMAO
Geez, I think I just hurt myself…

The problem is that, as Veb and John C pointed out, a true troll is not just someone who posts a topic with the intent of pissing people off. Any asshole can do that. A true troll posts a topic which seems to have some accademic purpose, and sucks you in, but quickly shows himself to be a troll by revealing that his otherwise academic question isn’t an attempt to enlighten himself, its an attempt to show of how much better HE is because HE “knows” the answer.

Consider the following hypothetical thread topics, posted in either Great Debates ot GQ:

  1. Are all <insert religion name here>ians all unelightened rubes?

  2. Does <insert religion name here>ism specificly forbid belief in a round earth?

  3. What is meant by the passage in <insert holy book> that says “I am as holy as the earth is flat(Zedediah 31:4)”

Thread one isn’t a troll. It’s just an asshole looking for a reaction. Most people would ignore it.
Thread two is a troll, but a bad one. He has at least a valid question, but it is obviously leaning in a certain direction. It’s a troll, but it won’t be very successful, because it is not going to recieve many serious answers.
Thread three MAY BE a troll, and therin lies the challenge. It’s an inoccuous question, and may infact be a call to a specific theological discussion, but it will take 2-3 posts by the originator before we find out. Otherwise intelligent readers will soon get sucked in by teh question, begin debating amongst each other, before the OP comes out and says “But it SAYS ‘the earth is flat’. Therefore all religion is bunk” and, since people have invested some effort into it, will continue the debate with him. Trolls of this type are no less annoying than the others, but they are at least real trolls, not merely some unintelligent asshole trying to pick a fight by calling people names.

Also, true trolls aren’t merely trying to pick a fight, they are trying to show you HOW MUCH BETTER they are then you because THEY have found the truth. A good troll sets up an intellectual trap for the good posters and then “logics” his way into appearing superior. "Look, i’ve found a flaw in <insert philosphy, religion, or political party here>'s logic, so therefore anyone who thinks this way is wrong/evil/stupid… Now, anyone who posts this as a debate topic is not a very good troll, but therin lies the essense of the troll.

Now that you’ve been a troll for a couple of days, How was it?
What you expected?

One thing to note, you see the bad side of all the people you used to consider your friends. You can say the simplest things, like this post, and get all sorts of random complaints, directed at other people, one supposes, who aren’t handy to complain to directly.


Squick you Troll3, don’t you ever learn ? I would call you a putz, but you don’t even deserve that much respect.


No you fucking dumbshit. You get “random” complaints because you are taking someone else’s name. Someone who while not a “troll” was a big fat flaming asshole. Sad? More like pathetic on your part. The idea that you see the bad side of people you used to consider your friends? If they were your friends you wouldn’t be acting like an asshole in the first place. If you weren’t an asshole they wouldn’t be going after you. Look at Homer, he made a stupid mistake. Several people tore him a new one. Most have forgiven and forgotten. If he does the same, everything is hunky-dorey. As you can not, you deserve everything that you get.

Stupid piece of bloody runny donkey shit.