I love stand-up. The way a person who only likes mayo gags at the suggestion of mustard.
I have lots of one-liners. Do you have some?
Here are a couple of mine:
(I’ve been splatering this across the Internet in hopes of blocking a fanantic from running (Rick Perry)…Read My Lips—No New Texans
another: (I hate cellphones) “If I wanted to hear somebody else’s conversation…I’d listen to my husband.” Having that inscripted on a tee shirt.
And, “Love is a many splintered thing.”
I’ve shown you mine. Now show me yours!
And they say that female comedians are never funny…
me and a mate came up with “absinthe makes the tart jane fonda” 
Like it.
what is this i don’t even
And oh, airline food. What’s up with that?
I’m a huge stand-up nerd. Huge.
**Becky2844 **- Do you perform?
You tryin to be funny? lol No.
The only stuff I like is Lisa Lampanelli and Zach Galifianakis – there is too much profanity up in there for such dazzling urbanites as you at the Dope to ever have any thread.
“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall”.
Mitch Hedberg
I perform, and am currently trying to figure out how to get out of the open mic ghetto, so if anyone knows how to accomplish this, I’d be interested (without being delusional, I’ve easily got enough proven material to be an opener/MC, but the people who make that happen have been absent from the places I perform. Unfortunately not absent are a shitload of horrible wannabes.)
My favorite from Mitch is:
“Once I saw this wino eating some grapes and I told him, 'Dude, You have to wait.”
Go to clubs where established comdians go. Though I don’t know if these clubs even have open mic nights.
But here locally in Southern California we have The Comedy Store which is owned by Pauly Shores mom and they routinely have established comedians on. Steve Byrne will be playing there next weekend. (I wish I would have know that or I would have gone instead of doing the plans I do have.)
So maybe, if you haven’t already, you can find one of those bigger clubs in your area or even a bit of a drive away instead of the hole in the wall type clubs.
If I ever saw an amputee being hanged, I would just yell out letters. – Demetri Martin
Yeah - unfortunately, though I perform in San Francisco, it’s not as easy here. There is a big club that does “local talent” shows, but if you’re not a hot woman it can take 6 months to never to get a spot.
lolol
I thought women didn’t make good comedians…
“I order club sandwiches all the time, but I’m not even a member.”
Speaking of amputees…back in the '60s there was this weird little pamphlet (not Crumb, weirder) about this “person?” pre-Smurf— who had been captured. After pages of torture etc. he had lost his arm & legs. Then, propped up against a wall, all sitting around a campfire, he whispered, “Tonight, I’m going to make my break.”
Good thing I’m a man, then.
ETA: Oops, misunderstood your post. My understanding is that the way it works at this particular club is the booker doesn’t look for talent, just tries to use his position to meet hot chicks. However, I went this weekend to see Louis CK and talked to the staff, and they said the person booking is now a woman, so I’m going to start attending the showcases (they told me it would still take about a year, though).
The San Jose Improv is starting their Battle of the Bay competition this week, but I’m not sure how you get into something like that. They also usually do open mic nights in the dead winter months. Probably better chance for exposure up in SF though. I still want to get up there to see you, are you doing any shows in the next two weeks while I’m still out of school?