You know, sometimes it’s hard to be a “liberated woman” when I was raised not to be. My mother always told me to wait for a boy to make the first move, to call, to ask me out, etc… because “a lady doesn’t go around chasing men. Hussies do*.” I tell you, it’s a hard habit to break, and it’s a little frustrating nowadays when men expect women to make the first move, because honestly, I just can’t do it. It’s like not belching at the dinner table, saying please and thank you, or watching my mouth in front of my elders: it’s ingrained into my personality, and not easy to remove.
About the return call–I’ve always either sent a thank you note via snail mail or e-mail about having a pleasant evening, especially if it really was a nice date. Even this has backfired, as one date I thought things went rather well, and sent him an e-mail thanking him, and suggesting that maybe we catch a movie or something next week (by God, I’m trying to be a modern woman here!), and my payback? He emailed me back, saying, “I’m the type of person that prefers no company at all rather than bad company.” Ouch. Needless to say, that made me think twice about contacting a man after a date, but has not stopped me. So, be kind if she hasn’t called you–she may have been burned like this, too.
Thankfully, I’ve been dating someone that comes from the old school of dating, too (we are both in our 20’s, but were raised with our parent’s 50’s sensibilities). He made the first move, paid for the first date, and didn’t try to grope me. He was pleased that I sent an e-mail, and we went on another date. I soon found out that he was actually making less money than I did, so I immediately began picking up the tab half the time or paying my share–because that was only fair (I don’t care about modern or old-fashioned by this point, fair is still fair). We’ve been dating for a while now, partly, because we were both considerate to each other for the first part of our relationship (and for several other reasons, of course).
What I’m coming down to, is that this guy is a gentleman, and has been dating me for sometime, hence, there are women out there that appreciate gentlemen. We especially appreciate gentlemen when we’re looking for a long-term relationship and possibly marriage. She can’t handle a good man? It’s usually because she doesn’t know what the hell she wants.
*About the hussy thing. Yes, I’ve gone chasing men, and I’ve received what I wanted–even a lady wants to just get laid sometimes. But, these were men I wouldn’t normally want to spend any of my real free time with. When I’ve used my head rather than my nether-regions to select someone, I end up with a really nice guy.
