I was having this conversation with my pal’s crazy girlfriend, who, indeed, spent her formative years in Japan. She was shocked to learn that we didn’t put forth any effort when using the toilet to disguise what we were doing, either by repetitive flushing or some other means.
We’re like – What d’you mean? That’s what you do in the bathroom. Everybody knows it? What’s the point of trying to disguise it?
Her: Yeah, but you don’t want them to know exactly what you’re doing.
Us: Huh? You mean you keep flushing if you’re just peeing, just to keep people guessing? I don’t think people are that interested. We’re not, anyway.
Then there was the wife of another friend, who claimed she never farted, even in a public toilet, because then people could hear.
With all the public places in which we are beseiged by unneccessary noise, y’all want to add another?? I’m amazed. People make noises when they excrete. Grow up and get over it.
I was using a public restroom once and the guy in the next stall emitted a particularly reverberant blast. He piped up quickly with, “Sorry about that!”
I replied, “Hey, if you can’t do that here, where can you do it?”
We didn’t snicker because he went to the bathroom. We snickered because he turned on that fan, and by turning on that fan, he just announced to the whole apartment building that it was going to be loud and/or smelly. That fan was only used in dire emergencies, for it was much more obnoxious than the average excretion.
Look…after 3 days of balanced meals and “early to bed, early to rise”, I crap like a church-mouse. However, after a late night of boozing and burritos, it’s a different story. The sounds and smells (and sights!) are NOT the same! So, I DO get kind of embarassed when pooing in the office restroom next to a coworker who has just had 3 days of balanced meals and was “early to bed, early to rise”. Especially if he can later identify my shoes!
For those of you comfortable with the sounds your own balloon knot makes as it releases its treasure, two thoughts:
Congratulations on your comfort with your body. You are on the road to enlightenment. You probably also wear Speedos at the beach and like the smell of your own perspiration. You are nearing self actualization, which will be achieved when you convince yourself that back hair is natural, and, therefore, attractive.
The rest of us would like you to keep it down in the honeybuckets. I would rather listen to an active bone saw or dentist’s drill than to hear the sounds of your backside landslide. Especially work on the staccato breathing and the grunting, and for the love of God no sounds of relief or pleasure.
For the rest of us, I guess it’s back to rustling newspapers, courtesy flushes, and “waiting out” the other occupants to pass our admittedly shameful asscookies.